Will it always hurt?

by Brandi Lytle
Black and white photo of leaves with raindrops on them on Will it always hurt on Not So Mommy..., a childless blog

One of the questions that childless not by choice often ask is, “Will it always hurt?”  Well, before I answer that, indulge me for a moment and let me tell you a story…

Let me tell you a story…

I’ve told you that my hubby and I bought a fixer-upper.  And not just a “needs some paint and new tile” kind-of spiff.  Our house needs work everywhere.  And we are living through the remodel…

The project was starting to annoy me, so I spent 12 hours over 3 days getting the house cleaned and organized.  It felt great to get our work-in-progress put together for a moment.  It wasn’t perfect, but it was close enough…

Looking around, I breathed in a sigh of relief and smiled.  And then…

I opened a cabinet and saw it.  South Carolinians affectionately named it the Palmetto Bug.  But to this Oklahoma girl, it’s a roach.  And it is not welcome in my home!

The bugs in our lives…

This got me to thinking about those “bugs” in our lives.  The annoyances, the grief moments, the wobbles…  The things that really aren’t welcome.  And that brings us back to the question, “Will it always hurt?”

Well, from personal experience, I can say that it took me a lot of hours over a lot of years to get to the point where the hurt doesn’t consume me.  I put myself back together again.  (Well, with the help of friends, family, and God.)  And I looked around at my life, breathed in a sigh of relief, and smiled.

And then…

But inevitably, a “bug” shows up.  Someone questions my dog mom role or tells me that Bruna isn’t really family.  A former student announces she is “p” on Facebook.  Or the thoughts in my head start questioning the legitimacy of my Plan B…

It takes work…

So, I have to do some more cleaning, some more work.  I’ve realized that I must get rid of toxic people, hide triggers on social media, and consistently train my mind to look at the positive, change its perspective, find the bright sides

It’s a lot of work.  But it’s worth it because, more often than not, it doesn’t hurt anymore.  And when the pain does show up, it isn’t as bad, and it doesn’t last as long.

So, will it always hurt?

So, to answer the question, “Will it always hurt?”  The short answer–yes, it will.

If you don’t do the work to deal with your grief and retrain your mind to look at your life in a new way, it will continue to hurt.

And even after you do the work, there will forever be moments when the pain shows up.  Triggers will happen…  You’ll open a cabinet, and there it will be in all its ugly.

But like I said earlier, if you’ve done the work (and I mean really taken the time to do the work), then the hurt isn’t all-consuming.  It’s a fleeting moment that you wade through, not something you drown in.

Ultimately, to make sure that it doesn’t always hurt, we must learn that even though life isn’t perfect, it’s close enough.

My advice, fabulous one, don’t let one bug make you believe your entire house is a mess.  That’s the only way to make sure that it doesn’t always hurt…


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Photo Credit:  Mihail Ribkin on StockSnap.io

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Nicole June 7, 2018 - 7:27 pm

So true

Sherry Stout May 23, 2018 - 3:43 pm

Well said! If we cave at one “bug” we are sunk. I read a quote from Mr. Rogers on dealing with pain: “There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.”


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