From Unrealized Dreams to Unexpected Joys…

Trigger Warning:  Baby Clothes

There are many struggles while going through an infertility battle, not the least of which is the amount of time you have to prepare for the baby your heart so desperately desires.  Because we had years (for my hubby and me, ten to be exact) to get ready for our bundle, we collected quite a few things…  We bought the crib set, a piece of furniture to be used as the changing table, décor items, and books, to name a few.  Most of it has been given away, reminding me of unrealized dreams.  But there are a few items that I simply couldn’t part with…

The Audrey Hepburn Outfit

One of these is what a close friend of mine lovingly calls “the Audrey Hepburn outfit.”  My hubby and I found this three-piece winter white outfit with a touch of animal print at one of our favorite markets.  It was (still is) the cutest thing I’d ever seen, and we just had to buy it.

I wasn’t sure if it would be the “bring home from the hospital” outfit or perhaps the first Christmas attire.  Even if our little was born in the middle of summer, I was going to turn the air conditioner up and dress her in this outfit for photos!  (Dane and I always thought we’d have a girl, for some reason.)

The story didn’t go as planned…

But the story didn’t quite go as planned…

When we bought that cute, little outfit, we were so filled with hope, just sure that something would work out…  But months and years passed…

Adjusting my dreams…

I decided that such an adorable piece of clothing couldn’t simply hang unused in the closet.  So, I started to loan it to family and close friends.  I always clearly told them that I was letting them borrow this special outfit.  It had to be returned.  Four babies have worn the Audrey Hepburn attire, including my best friend’s little boy!  Well, he didn’t wear the entire ensemble.  But we did put the hat on him and took his picture. ?

As I began to accept that Dane and I would never have a little of our own, I just couldn’t risk coming across this outfit at home, but I also couldn’t bear to let it go…  So, I left it hanging in a spare closet at my mom’s house for about five years.  But after starting Not So Mommy…, I asked her to mail it back to me.  Now, it’s in my closet, and I look at it every day.  It reminds me that dreams don’t always turn out like you hoped…

Accepting different joys…

I didn’t get to dress up my little, but I did get to see four beautiful bundles wear the winter white clothing.  And if my nieces and nephews have littles, I plan to loan the outfit to them so that special photos can be taken…

Because this outfit has become more.  It represents an entire array of emotions…  From a bit of heartbreak over unrealized dreams to a lot of joy over unexpected answers to prayer…  So rather than see it empty, lifeless, sad, I choose to see it filled with nieces (and a nephew), love and hugs, kisses and laughter.

I will embrace all the emotions that this extraordinary outfit holds, breathing in the joy and letting go of the pain…

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.  I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.  I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.  I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.  I believe tomorrow is another day.  And I believe in miracles.  -Audrey Hepburn

Featured Photo Credit:  Binyamin Mellish on StockSnap.io