Uninspired: A Childless Woman’s Thoughts…

by Brandi Lytle
Photo of a typewriter on "Uninspired: A Childless Woman's Thoughts..." on Not So Mommy..., an infertility & childless blog
Wobble Warning:  Talk of grief, Covid, losing grandparents, losing friends, losing kids…

Normally, I don’t have a problem writing a weekly blog for Not So Mommy…  In fact, I often have more ideas than I have time to publish.  As I type, there are four “to write” blogs listed in my planner.  But I find myself uninspired.  Uninspired to write about low-carb foods to battle endometriosis.  Uninspired to share my top picks from the “Managing Menopause, Endometriosis, Grief, Stress, Anxiety” series.  Uninspired to share about navigating the triggers of social media.  Uninspired to outline the holistic approach I use to manage grief and so much more.  Uninspired.  Flat.  Tired.  So, I decided to start writing about that—being uninspired–and see where this blog leads…

Why am I uninspired?

I think I know why I’m feeling a bit down.  Not only did battling Covid zap the momentum I had finally found, but I’m also acutely aware that one year ago, my Nana was living her final days on this Earth.  The anniversary of her passing is June 1st.  Because of this, last year—June 2021—I spent a lot of time working outside.  I had a hard time posting at Not So Mommy… during those weeks.  Her Celebration of Life was the beginning of July.  Then, in September, I had a falling out with someone, which caused me to lose one of my kiddos.  (I was told never to contact this child again because according to the parent, I’m evil.)  This still weighs heavily on my heart.  The anniversary of the passing of my best friend happens in September, as well.  And then, my Grammy passed away in October.

All of this leaves me feeling quite heavy.

Which makes me feel uninspired.

I mean, how am I to write uplifting messages when I don’t feel very uplifted?

What am I going to do about it?

I’m planning what I should do during June—to try and battle the uninspired.  Work needs to be done in our yard.  Our home needs a deep clean.  And thousands of pictures (literally) on my phone need to be downloaded and organized onto my laptop.  These sound like good projects.  Things to help keep my hands and (hopefully) my mind occupied.

Inspiration often hits when I least expect it.  So, perhaps I’ll find the words to write one of the four ideas I mentioned previously.  Or maybe another idea will find its way…  But until then, I’m going to try and be kind to myself.  Realizing that being uninspired doesn’t make me less worthy.  In fact, I believe there is power in embracing the mundane.  Power in finding joy in the ordinary-ness of life.

So, I will wake up and get up and do the dishes and the laundry and the cleaning.  I’ll run the errands and take care of Maddie and my husband, our home, our plants, myself…  Reaching out to friends, I’ll make sure they are doing okay.  And I’ll post at Not So Mommy… and believe that the right words will reach the right people at the right time.

I’ll allow this heaviness to pass.  I’ll find inspiration and motivation again.

But until then…

I’ll embrace being uninspired.

*I am going to take a break from publishing next week.  A new blog will be posted on Monday, 13 June.

Fabulous one, if anything I wrote resonates, please tell us about it in the comments…

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Sherry May 31, 2022 - 5:37 pm

Giving yourself Grace is very inspired. I love you so very much. We will get through this time with memories and prayer. I will forever be grateful we witnessed together your nana’s last lucid, happy moments on this earth. What joy filled her heart to have you holding her and having such profound conversations. She waited for you to get safely home before taking God’s hand. Her love for you is forever.❤🦋

Brandi Lytle June 8, 2022 - 3:57 pm

This makes me smile and tear up… LOVE


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