Thoughts on "A Year of Medical Thinking" | Childless

SENSITIVE POST WITH POSSIBLE TRIGGERS: Discussion of infertility, medical treatments, miscarriage, grief, cancer, death, trauma, and more…

The All-Important Disclaimer

As a thank you for chatting with her about an upcoming project, Sasha sent me a free copy of her book, “A Year of Medical Thinking.” She did not expect nor ask for a review. Because I love to support fellow childless, I decided to share Sasha’s work with you. If you’d like to purchase Sasha’s book, my Amazon affiliate link is at the end of this blog.

And now for my thoughts on “A Year of Medical Thinking”

Meeting Sasha…

I can’t remember exactly when Sasha and I connected. I believe it was sometime in 2019. She was working on a book and wanted to interview me. Because I love collaborating with other childless warriors… And because I am passionate about sharing my story in an effort to support, educate, and advocate… I agreed to speak with her. And I’m so glad I did. Because that first Skype chat was the beginning of a deep connection between us…

Sasha is a gracious woman. As a “thank you” for speaking with her, she sent me a copy of her book, “A Year of Medical Thinking.” Opening the front cover, I saw that she had written “For Brandi with love, Sasha XO.” As I turned the book over, I saw the words “Breast Cancer Patient,” “IVF,” “hospital visits,” and “trauma.” I put the book on the shelf, knowing that I just couldn’t read it at that time…

Setting it aside…

You see, my best friend passed away from breast cancer in September 2018. So, in 2019, I was in year one of grieving. And I knew that I did not have the emotional energy to open myself up to “A Year of Medical Thinking.” Though I felt badly—as if I wasn’t appreciative of a gift—my heart simply wasn’t ready for the truth in this non-fiction book about Sasha’s journey.

One step closer…

In 2020, while doing some cleaning and organizing, I came across the book that Sasha had given me. And I thought, I really should read “A Year of Medical Thinking” and write my thoughts about it. So, I moved the book to a basket I keep next to my desk. A basket full of ideas for Not So Mommy… A basket full of “to-do” items. And there the book sat… Because, you know, it was 2020. And my emotional energy was low in the midst of a pandemic…

Finally ready…

At the beginning of 2021, I went through my “to-do” basket and once again came across Sasha’s book. I am going to read this book and write a review, I told myself. So, I moved “A Year of Medical Thinking” to my desk, sitting it on top of my planner.

A month later, I tentatively opened the cover and began reading the acknowledgements, foreword, and finally, the first chapter…

Sasha has a beautiful, poetic way with words. She makes you feel like you are in the moment with her, intricately describing her surroundings. It is easy to get lost in the pages…

Emotions…

Unexpected Trigger…

As I read, I was grateful that I waited until I felt I had the emotional energy to handle the ups and downs of “A Year of Medical Thinking.” Obviously, this book contains triggers. For me, personally, there was an unexpected one, however.

Sasha’s husband is named “Troy.” My Daddy’s name is Troy. He passed away from colon cancer less than a month after my 24^th birthday. Dane and I hadn’t even been married six months. Seeing his name in print… In a book that I knew would discuss cancer… Well, it caused a twinge of pain…

A Grief Attack…

“A Year of Medical Thinking” caused lots of emotions actually. I smiled as Sasha talked about her fur babies. I cried as she sat talking to the infertility doctor. As she shared about her breast cancer… Well, this caused a grief attack. I had to stop reading as tears fell and my heart constricted, as I willed myself to stay quiet. I thought of my beautiful friend and how she must have felt sitting in the doctor’s office, hearing such horrific news. And my heart ached…

By this point, I had made it through the “summer” and “autumn” sections of the book and was headed into “winter.” I rather like that Sasha broke her book into seasons. It helped me prepare, at least a little, for what emotions might come in the following pages…

Some Final Thoughts on “A Year of Medical Thinking”

On love & family…

Like me (and others I have met within our CNBC community), Sasha is a dedicated Dog Mom. One of the best parts of “A Year of Medical Thinking” was Sasha’s unabashed, real, honest talk about the special relationship she has with her pups, who she proudly claims as family. As I read her beautiful words, intricately describing moments with her fur babies, I felt an even deeper connection with this fabulous warrior…

On sharing our truth…

Opening ourselves up… Becoming vulnerable by allowing others to see our insecurities and grief and heartache… Well, in my humble opinion, that takes true courage. And in “A Year of Medical Thinking,” Sasha does just that. Not only does she unashamedly assert that her dogs are family, but she also shares personal moments about her miscarriage, cancer battle, relationship struggles, and more.

As she does this, she reminds us of the importance of having a friend who truly gets it. Finding that person (or people) with whom you can share openly and honestly without fear of judgement. These individuals are rare and an extremely precious gift.

Personally, I believe our childless not by choice tribe has many of these “rare individuals.” And not just within the Not So Mommy… community. If you’d like to explore how you can connect with others who truly get this journey, check out 85+ linked Resources by clicking here.

On advocating for ourselves…

Throughout “A Year of Medical Thinking,” Sasha shows us the importance of paying attention to our bodies, listening when we have pain and/or concerns, pushing doctors to find answers…

At the beginning of Dane and my journey—before we even knew we were infertile—my gynecologist assured me that nothing was wrong with me. In fact, she was quite certain the blame lay entirely with my husband.

As we spoke with more doctors and investigated further, it was discovered that I actually have endometriosis. On top of that, my eggs were “older” than my biological age. That is why I went through menopause in my early 40s, ten years before the average age. (Read more about My Endo Story here.)

Yes, Dane has male factor infertility issues. But the “blame” most certainly did lay entirely with him.

Doctors are human. They do not know everything. It is of the utmost importance to remember that we know our bodies better than anyone. So, we must insist that doctors find answers when we know something isn’t quite right…

Thank you, Sasha.

As I stated at the beginning of this blog, Sasha and I met a couple of years ago. From our initial introduction, I have always felt a connection with her. But I do so even more now…

Sasha, thank you for allowing us to share some very personal moments in your life. As you know, my best friend battled breast cancer. At her memorial service, the pastor stated, “Make no mistake. Jennifer won her battle with cancer because she knew her Savior. She is now healed and in Heaven with Him.” So, I don’t say she “lost” her battle. I just wish she would have won it here on Earth…

I didn’t always say the right thing when she was going through her battle. I question whether I checked in enough. I doubt if I was a good enough friend to her…

Sasha, your book has helped me to better understand her journey.

And for that, I am forever grateful…

Connect with Sasha…

Sasha has done an inspiring job of turning her pain into purpose. Not only has she written “A Year of Medical Thinking,” but she also founded the Perinatal Loss and Involuntary Childlessness Alliance (PLICA), of which I am a proud ambassador. Learn more about PLICA by clicking here.

Find Sasha on Instagram @sk.reid.author and @pl.ic.alliance