The Power of Words: A Journey to Acceptance, to Moving Forward…

I love languages.  I fell in love with learning languages during my sophomore year in high school when my dad “made” me take Spanish.  He thought it would help me in the business world.  I, on the other hand, never planned to enter the business world.  I knew I wanted to be a teacher, and by my senior year in high school, I had decided to teach Spanish.  So, I went on to earn a Bachelor’s in Spanish Education and a Master’s in Teaching English as a Second Language.

While doing my graduate work, I truly learned the power of words within languages.  Not everything can be translated from one language to another.  For example, some languages have more words for various colors than others.  And, of course, culture influences language.  Or does language influence culture?  (The linguist’s version of the chicken or the egg dilemma!)

Why do I bring all of this up?  What is the point of talking about language, words, translations, etc. on a childless blog?  Well, because as I stated earlier, words have power.  And we must harness that power and use it for good, defining our own selves, rather than allowing others to use the power of words to define things for us…

Getting a bit deep, huh?  Well, let me explain…

The Power of Words…

Describing Teachers…

I was a teacher for 17 years.  It’s funny to me how teachers are nearly always categorized in movies in one of three ways—the super sexy teacher who sits on her desk wearing a mini skirt, the old hag of a teacher with her hair in a bun wearing oversized clothes, or the inspirational teacher who captures the hearts and minds of all her students and causes greatness to emerge within them.

From experience, I can attest that I have never seen a super sexy teacher in a mini skirt.  There are some older teachers, but none I’d describe as a “hag.”  And capturing the hearts and minds of every student?  Well, I taught over 2,000 students within my classroom.  I captured the hearts and minds of some, but not all…

Teachers simply cannot be placed in three neat, little boxes.  No one can.

Describing Childless…

And yet, when childless are portrayed, we know all too well that stereotypes are often shown—the mean, old man who hates kids and yells to keep them off his lawn, the crazy cat mom or dog mom who is only able to connect with her fur babies, the super-driven workaholic who doesn’t have time for family…

As a childless woman, I know these descriptions are way off base.  If I don’t educate others, however, it is likely that these negative depictions will continue…

Harnessing the Power of Words…

And so, I am trying to harness the power of words to give others the language they need to accurately talk about the childless not by choice.  I have been processing through all this since I began my blog; however, I just recently realized it.  Indulge me as we take a look at the past 14 months…

A 14-month Journey…

My 4th Blog…

The fourth blog I ever posted here at Not So Mommy… was rightly entitled “Embracing My Infertility: I am not so mommy…”  As I re-read it, I realized that I was trying to figure out exactly who I am as a childless woman.  As I’ve said before, it’s complicated…

My 10th Blog…

The tenth blog I posted was simply named “I am Not So Mommy…”  In it, I discussed the dreaded question, “Do you have kids?”  And again, I tried to explain how complicated it is to describe childlessness…

To Label or Not to Label?

A couple weeks later, I took a light-hearted look at our obsession with labels.  Not until October 2017, however, did I specifically talk about how I wanted to be labeled, when I wrote “Childless, not childfree. Yes, the distinction matters.”  To this day, I have a negative physical reaction to being called “childfree.”  I am not, and I don’t want anyone putting that label on me…

Harnessing My Power…

So, three months into blogging, I had decided that I was not just infertile, not just a woman who didn’t have kids, but a childless woman (NOT childfree).  As I began to own this as my reality, I explored “The Strength of the Childless Woman.”  In January, I took it a step further, writing “The Power in Being a Childless Aunt.”  And in February, I really harnessed my might and wrote “Please, stop trying to fix my childlessness.”  Yes, I was bound and determined to break those stereotypes I mentioned above by using the power of words!

Embracing Infertile…

In March, I again demonstrated that I have fully embraced the label “infertile,” posting “Infertile. Yep, that’s me.”  And in May 2018, I published “More than childless, I am me,” proudly proclaiming to be a dog mom, aunt, host mom, wife, and infertile woman.

The Power of a New Word…

And then in July, a new word came into existence—CANBACE.  Over the past three months, I’ve realized that what I initially thought was simply another word, another label, is, in reality, so much more…

The power of CANBACE as a positive affirmation—Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence—is incredible.  The power of CANBACE as not only a noun (I am canbace), but also as a verb (I canbace) is helping me to describe myself and my journey in new, wonderful, amazing ways…

Less than a month after learning about CANBACE, I wrote “Bumps and Bruises: The Journey from Childless to Canbace,” in which I assert, “And I am now entering what I truly believe is the last phase on my journey…  Albeit a phase that I imagine will last the rest of my life…”

Yes, I truly believe…  No, I know this affirmation—CANBACE—has the power to change lives because I have felt it change mine over the past few months.  I am still childless, always will be.  I am still a wife, dog mom, aunt, host mom, infertile woman.  But I am also canbace.  For me, that means the choices are endless because I have the power to create.  Plus, the focus is on the future—on my new, beautiful and courageous existence. An existence in which I am childless (NOT childfree), and yet so much more…  Wow!  Talk about a good thing!

If anything I wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, I’d love to hear from you in the comments…

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Featured Photo:  Lacie Slezak on StockSnap.io