The childless not by choice journey is complex, to say the least. Despite that our tribe has one thing in common—we do not have biological or adopted children of our own—we each have our own unique perspective about this fact. Those who struggled through infertility have a different perspective than those who never found the right partner. Those who are married have a different perspective than those who are single. And those who have nieces, nephews, and exchange students in their lives have a different perspective than those who have no children at all. That is why it is so important for each of us to share our story, to share our perspective…
The Male Side of the Childless Story . . .
One perspective that has been decidedly missing from the childless not by choice conversation is the male side of the childless story . . .
Trying to give childless men a voice…
Around Father’s Day, I tried to give a voice to childless not by choice men and wrote the blog, “The Childless Men Who Support Us.” (You can read it here.) Obviously, this was still from a female perspective, though. To truly get the male side of the childless story, a man must speak up…
This can prove troublesome, however, because men process emotions differently than women and often don’t talk about their grief. (Lisa Manterfield. of Life Without Baby, wrote a wonderful blog about this. You can read it here.)
Because I truly believe it is important to talk about your feelings and share your pain, I have always encouraged (maybe even pushed) my hubby to share his thoughts with me. He doesn’t always like it, and sometimes we argue before figuring out how we are both feeling. But we communicate, in one way or another…
Dane’s CNBC Story…
So, also around Father’s Day, I asked my hubby if he’d be willing to share his CNBC story. I had already decided that if he declined, I would not push the issue with him. Publicly sharing such a personal story should be encouraged, but not forced. I was so pleased when, without hesitation, he agreed to share his perspective on our journey. You can read Dane’s CNBC Story here.
Andrew’s CNBC Story…
A couple months later, I asked Andrew, of The Childless Not By Choice Magazine, if he would share his CNBC story. Like my hubby, he agreed without hesitation, and I was again grateful to receive a male side of the childless story. You can read Andrew’s CNBC Story here.
The Full CNBC Story…
The strength that Dane and Andrew showed by telling their stories is truly inspiring. To be vulnerable is to show true strength, after all… I hope that other men will begin to speak up, as well, sharing their perspectives about being childless not by choice. Only then will we be able to understand the male side of the childless story and therefore, the full story of this complex childless not by choice journey…
Male or Female, Married or Single, Infertile or Not – We each have a unique perspective to share… Won’t you bravely share your story and inspire others? To learn more, click here…
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Click the image below to read Andrew Fletcher’s Post, “Men Matter Too.”
Click the image to read Andrew Fletcher’s post
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3 comments
I am married for 10 years and my wife is scared of the birth process. I try to respect this but I feel like the bad guy now. I made it clear before we married that I wanted kids. Now she is not going to have them. I don’t want to leave I take my vows seriously. now I don’t see a future for me I don’t see a point of me I’m just a waste of air now. How do I go on?
I am so sorry that you are struggling. It must be very difficult to have a partner who doesn’t feel the same way about having children as you do. Not having kids does not mean that your life does not have meaning, however. You are definitely NOT “just a waste of air.” Going on… Well, you must find peace in your situation. The Childless Holidays series I wrote about in December discusses just that. I do hope you’ll check out those blogs, along with blogs I’ve written about “the bright sides.” Of course, you must allow yourself to grieve the life you dreamed of… I do hope you’ll be able to change perspective after grieving, however, finding joy again… Hugs
So true that we need to consider all the perspectives. Men are the silent man-ority within the community and we need to find ways of rectifying that. We need to learn how to encourage (not force) men to open up about how being childless effects them. Unfortunately we do thinking differently and process situations/grief different which means that it can be a huge challenge to know how to do this without getting some guidance from men. Yet men tend not to share these things. A chicken and egg situation. Luckily there are men who have started to speak out. If we praise and support them so that they feel heard and understood if may encourage/inspire other men to open up too.