As told to Brandi Lytle
I can’t remember exactly when S.K. and I first connected. We’ve chatted via Skype once, send the occasional email, and have recently connected on Instagram. Her support of the Childless Not By Choice Awareness Ribbon has been unwavering. She even shared a quote and image about why she feels the ribbon is so important. (You can read more about that here.) I am honored that she decided to share her CNBC story with us. So, let me turn it over to S.K. . . .
How did you become childless not by choice? (Infertility, chance, circumstance?)
Miscarriage and then a cancer dx…led to the circumstance of CNBC.
You are so much more than childless not by choice. Tell us about yourself!
I have a video and photography business, am a former actor, and have worked in bushfire education since 2003. Trained grief & bereavement counsellor, trained paramedic, and volunteer fire fighter, I love working with people in the resilience field, especially trauma & disaster and loss & grief. Also an author, I have written two books – the first about spousal bereavement, the second about my experience with baby-loss and being childless.
What roles are you redefining for yourself? and How are you redefining those roles?
This is a work in progress.
How are you Creating a New plan Bravely and Courageously?
I’m not really. Not yet, anyway. But I am learning to listen to the soul of our earth for guidance. The planet is so messed up. Humans are cruel to animals, the environment, each other. There has to be a better way. In addition to baby loss, I have experienced a fair bit of loss and also illness, so I am finding my way in light of these experiences.
Without going into detail, as an example, I graduated from my bachelor of paramedicine in 2017. The plan was to get into a new job in emergency services – especially after the motherhood plan failed, it WAS my plan B – but instead I got very very sick. So, I had to say goodbye to that dream too….. So my plans for Plan B keep shifting… Although book 3 is a bit of the ‘bravely & courageously’ I guess…..
What emojis represent the “. . .” part of your Not So Mommy… story?
I LOVE THIS!!! Just the other day I was saying to Mum & to my husband – when the new emojis came out – there is NOTHING that represents our experience! This makes me so mad!!!! It says everything! In a world gone crazy over political correctness and taking care of the underdog, the minorities, the disenfranchised, WHERE IS OUR RECOGNITION? It seems, to my jaded way of seeing the world, that everyone counts except us. Because we are invisible. Thankfully, this is changing. And this is thanks to the likes of people such as Brandi, whose efforts are helping to shift the dialogue. *prayer emoji* 🙂 First the ribbon. Next the emoji, right??!!!!!!
……Oh and my emoji would be a cross sitting in an empty womb, similar to the pregnant one, but empty and sad. So that people recognise the loss and grief. Not that we have to stay in sadness, but it has to be acknowledged like other emoji acknowledgements/recognitions.
A cross sitting in an empty womb… What a powerful, beautiful, and yet heart-breaking image.
S.K. wrote a blog entitled “Goodnight Little Man,” in which she poignantly tells her story of IVF, surrogacy, and miscarriage. Like her emoji, this blog is powerful, beautiful, and heart-breaking. It is full of potential triggers, yet without them, she could not tell her deeply profound and moving truths. If you’d like to read “Goodnight Little Man,” please click here.
If you’d like to read more of S.K.’s work, check out her book, “A Year of Medical Thinking,” here.
Thank you for showing your strength through vulnerability, S.K. And thank you for sharing your truth and your heart with us. You say I am helping “shift the dialogue.” But I think YOU are doing a pretty great job at that as well, S.K.!
I am so, so grateful that our paths crossed…
Fabulous one, if anything S.K. wrote resonates with you, please tell her about it in the comments.
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Featured Photo: Anton Atanasov of StockSnap.io
What a brave soul…..I wish her health and peace.