SENSITIVE POST WITH POSSIBLE TRIGGERS: Discussion of infertility battle, letting go, grief, Dad’s Day, and more… If you are feeling particularly vulnerable, you may not want to read. I shed a few tears writing this blog, so you might shed a few tears reading it…
Giving shout-outs, recognition, acknowledgment to the man who supported me during our battle… Well, I have said before that during our infertility battle, I was so entrenched in my own grief that I do not feel like I did a good job of helping my husband with his grief. In fact, even after accepting our childless not by choice life, it took so much effort for me to find the bright sides and redefine that I missed how difficult it was for Dane to let go…
Perhaps this is because my hubby, like many men, often holds his emotions inside. In an effort to remain strong for me, he tries to handle upsetting situations on his own—not talking about his feelings. Well, at least, he used to do this…
A Shift…
I remember a moment, during the first year of trying to accept our childless life, when I was struggling hard. I was crying and grieving, and my heart was breaking. Dane looked at me in that moment and said something that completely changed my perspective…
“You’re not the only one who didn’t get to have a baby!” he yelled passionately and with such truth in his eyes that my world completely shifted.
Since then, I have tried to be more compassionate, realizing that, though he did not cry on the bathroom floor as I did, he still struggled through a ten-year infertility battle. He had to let go of our dream and embrace a childless life, too. In fact, he was probably even more alone than me. Because he had to hold me together when I was crumbling.
Today…
Oh, goodness! Today’s post is supposed to be uplifting. And I am crying!
Okay… Let me shake off the past grief…
Despite the fact that I don’t think I supported Dane enough during our battle and initial acceptance (or perhaps because of it), I now try extra hard to make Dad’s Day special for him. (He definitely tries to make Mom’s Day special for me…)
With that in mind, I decided to write a special blog post, giving shout-outs to the fabulous men who support we childless women. I wanted to go a step further, though…
So, I put out a request on social media for fabulous childless women to email shout-outs, telling about incredible partners, uncles, grandpas, friends—any man who has supported their CNBC journey.
Shout-Outs! To the fabulous men who support we childless women…
And here is what you fabulous ladies had to say…
*All names and photos shared with permission.
A Shout-Out for Andrew from Nicci…
“Andrew, who are you? The perfect person to share the ups and downs of life with. The wind beneath my wings, allowing me to fly high to reach my potential. The rock keeping me grounded. The safe haven that I needed. You have supported me every inch of the way as I have followed my need to share our story, even when your preference was to remain out of the limelight. You have been strong and principled in the face of criticism when people question your CNBC status. Above all, you have been a wonderful dog dad to our current, and previous, motley crew.”
A Shout-Out for Chad from Jennifer…
“I am so thankful for my husband, Chad, dog dad to Sookie! We adopted Sookie ten years ago when we were in the midst of our infertility journey. I was so depressed, crying every day. So, Chad took the initiative and began the adoption process. (I had seen Sookie’s picture online a few months before and fell in love with her.) I am so thankful that he started the process–she has given us so much joy and love in the middle of our grief and pain!
Sookie loves her Daddy so much!! Morning times are Sookie-Daddy times, and she won’t have anything to do with me! LOL! She loves to play with her toys with Daddy, go on walkies, and loves to cuddle, too! She used to be a Mama’s girl, but she is definitely a Daddy’s girl now! I love seeing how their relationship has grown and how much she loves him!
I am so thankful for the both of them!!”
A Shout-Out for Michael from Claire…
“I wanted to show appreciation to my husband, Michael. We have been together 14 years and unfortunately, it has been far from easy. We have been through so much early in our relationship. Then, realising we cannot have littles, which we both dearly wanted, was devastating.
During our hardships, it’s only made us stronger. Often, I think if I went through this with anyone else, we would have split up long ago. Micheal just seems to know when I am not myself. He understands some days are good and some days are bad. But he is always there, trying to make me feel better and protect me, despite how he feels himself. Truly, if it wasn’t for Michael, I wouldn’t be here today. It’s that simple.
Michael is incredibly supportive and always puts me and our little furry, Rosie, first. In fact, it was Michael that scrolled the internet trying to find a forum or group for me to join, as he knew how important it was that I found other people who understand what I’m feeling. He introduced me to the Not So Mommy… community and the lovely Brandi. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if this group and amazing support from Brandi hadn’t come into my life. In fact, it’s often Michael that notices new posts on Not So Mommy… and tells me to read them, as he knows these help me feel positive, especially if I’m having a bad day and not on social media.
Despite all the obstacles in our relationship, he remains positive. I don’t know how he does it. I don’t say it or show it enough, but I’m incredibly lucky to have him by my side. It’s important to me to remember that he is suffering amongst all this just as much as I am. Sadly, men don’t get recognised the same, which is why I think it’s such a great thing that Brandi is dedicating this blog post to all men.
I know as long as we have each other, we will get through anything.”
To the ladies who shared their hearts…
I know this post is dedicated to the guys, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say THANK YOU to the fabulous gals who shared their shout-outs with us. Your beautiful words… Well, I am so, so grateful that you have such incredible men in your lives!
And I’d like to say a special THANK YOU to Claire… I am so humbled that Not So Mommy… has played such a big role as you heal and accept what is… I am forever grateful that Michael scrolled the internet and found the Not So Mommy… community.
A few shout-outs for the men in my life…
I’d like to end this special blog post with a few shout-outs of my own…
To my Dad…
To my Dad who passed away before I even knew I was infertile… Thank you for teaching me to be myself, while also allowing others to be a part of my life. I love you and miss you every day.
To my brother…
To my brother who gave me my favorite nephew… Thank you for allowing me to play such a huge role in my nephew’s life. I can never fully express in words how much this means to me.
To Bruna’s Brasilian Dad…
To Bruna’s Brasilian Dad… Thank you for sharing your daughter with us. Bruna completed our family and healed my heart in ways I didn’t think possible.
To my hubby…
To my hubby, Maddie’s Dog Dad, Bruna’s Host Dad, My Love… Thank you for holding me up during our battle when I did not have the strength to stand. Thank you for encouraging me to let go and move forward with the what is. Thank you for fully embracing your Dog Dad and Host Dad roles and for helping me to see that being a Dog Mom and a Host Mom makes me a real mom. Thank you for loving me just as I am, broken uterus and all. Thank you for doing this imperfectly perfect life with me. I love you. And I hope you have the best Dad’s Day ever!
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5 comments
You and Dane and all CNBC Dads are a true inspiration. Thanks for all you do for so many. It is a privilege and honor to have you as a friend.
Awwww! THANK YOU for these sweet, sweet words, Sue! I am so grateful that we connected. Finding great friends like you is definitely another bright side of infertility…
Brandi it’s so lovely of you to think about acknowledging the important role that men play in supporting us. I often feel that men are the silent partners in our grief. Most blogs and articles are written by women. There are more women in the on-line support groups. Such as shame. As Dane rightly said. “You’re not the only one ….” Those words could have been said by so many of our partners. I know that my grief was more visible than Andrews: or perhaps I simply didn’t register his grief as I was so wrapped up in my own. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to recognise the love and support that Andrew gave me in such a visible way.
And thank you, Nicci, for being so willing to openly share your love and gratitude for Andrew… Hugs to you both!
What a lovely blog. It just proves that love conquers all, no matter the circumstance, and makes us strong. Amazing stories from amazing women. I am blessed to be able to hear your stories.