The Season of Family: A Childless Woman’s Perspective

by Brandi Lytle
Photo of a yellow van with luggage on top set in front of a Christmas Tree with twinkling lights on The Season of Family: A Childless Woman's Perspective on Infertility Blog on Not So Mommy...

It is often said that the holiday season is the season of family.  Unfortunately, “family” is often given a very limited definition, depicted only as parents and children.  Perhaps this is why so many pose the question, “So, when are you going to start a family?”

When are you going to start a family?

Personally, I’ve always disliked this question.  Even before my hubby and my infertility struggle, I still found it rude to suggest that we weren’t a family yet since we didn’t have kids.  In my opinion, Dane and I started our family the minute we got engaged.

16 ways to be a family without having biological kids

Now, that’s not to say that you must be married to have a family.  In fact, here are 16 different ways to be a family…

  1. A couple—married or not
  2. A couple and fur babies
  3. A couple and nieces and nephews
  4. A couple and god-children
  5. A couple and stepchildren
  6. A couple and adopted children
  7. A couple and exchange sons/daughters
  8. A couple and siblings, in-laws, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins
  9. A couple and friends
  10. Single and fur babies
  11. Single and nieces and nephews
  12. Single and god-children
  13. Single and adopted children
  14. Single and exchange sons/daughters
  15. Single and siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins
  16. Single and friends

It just takes two…

My point is that having a biological child does not make a family.  In fact, having a child period does not make a family.  Blood relations are not required for family.  Marriage is not required for family.  Heck, another human being isn’t even required for family!  A family is simply two who love each other unconditionally and would do anything for the other.

So, a single person with a fur kid equals family.  There are two (a two-legged and a four-legged) who love each other unconditionally.  (Anyone who has ever had a pet knows that they forgive easily and love with their whole heart.)  And the fur mama (or fur dad) would undoubtedly do anything for their four-legged kid.

A single person and a friend equals family.  There are two who have chosen to be a part of each other’s lives.  And we all know that the best of friends loves us despite our faults and would be on our doorstep at 2 AM if we called.

A hubby and wife equals family.  There are two who obviously love each other because they took vows and help each other daily through this thing called life.

The Season of Family. . .   

With this perspective, it’s pretty awesome that the holiday season is the season of family because we are all part of one!  So, the holiday season is for everyone!

Don’t allow the narrow-minded view of some to steal your joy this time of year.  Don’t allow others to make you believe that you haven’t started your family simply because you don’t fit their version.

Just because we are childless does not mean that we do not have a family.  So, please, don’t let this beautiful, loving word—family—become something that causes you pain.  Because honestly, every single one of us is part of a family.  Even if you don’t fit into one of the 16 versions above, you are still part of a family…

The 17th way to be a family without having biological kids…

Because there is one more way to be a family without having biological kids…  (I saved the best for last. ?)

17. You and God

Yes, you and God can be a family.  There are two, and He loves you so unconditionally that He would do anything for you.  In fact, He sent you the best Christmas present ever–His Son, Jesus Christ.  All you need to do is accept His gift…


Fabulous one, not only are their 17 different ways to be a family without having biological kids, but there are also 17 bright sides of a childless Christmas.

Featured Photo:  Nubia Navarro on

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mindy January 5, 2018 - 6:14 pm

I agree with Sherry! Our church family is a HUGE part of our family!!

Sherry December 15, 2017 - 6:48 pm

There is church family, work family, neighborhood family. The list goes on and on. Wherever there is love there is family. Thanks be to God.

Brandi Lytle December 16, 2017 - 1:12 am

I love your additions to the list! I have definitely been blessed with church, work, and neighborhood families, as well!


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