SENSITIVE POST WITH POSSIBLE TRIGGERS: Detailed discussion of littles’ names, going back to before we knew we were infertile, plus mention of “p,” infertility treatments, and more…
If you are a regular here at Not So Mommy…, you no doubt know who Maddie is. As an over-zealous Dog Mom, I talk about my fur baby A LOT. Maddie is actually our third fur baby. Valentine and Prancer, our first two, have crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Now, you might be wondering how we got from naming our puppies Valentine and Prancer (chosen because of the time of year we adopted them) to Maddie (a “human” name). I mean, we got Maddie in July. To continue our holiday theme, she should have been named something like “Firecracker” (which actually fits her personality quite well!) So, how did we decide on “Maddie?” Well, let’s start at the beginning…
How Maddie got her name…
Before we knew…
Remember that trigger warning. I’m getting ready to talk about the names Dane and I chose for our littles…
Before my husband and I knew we were infertile, we talked about what we would name our kids (as I imagine many young couples do). I always thought I’d have two kids—a girl and a boy. I wanted to name our girl “Jaqueline Marie.” Jaqueline was after my Nana, and Marie after one of my cousins. Since I would get to pick our girl’s name, Dane could pick our boy’s. After all, that’s what my parents did. My mom named me, and my dad named my brother.
Well, Dane quickly vetoed my idea. He wanted to have a say in our kids’ names, whether they happened to be a girl or a boy. So, the discussion began. I remember that it was quite a lengthy talk. In fact, it took days. Maybe months. I don’t remember all the names we tossed around, nor all the ones we disagreed on. I do, however, remember that initially, we settled on Isabel Rayne for our girl and Trenton Dane for our boy.
Making a change…
Somewhere along the way, I decided that I wanted to change our girl’s name. I thought it was cool that our boy would have part of Dane’s name. Because we weren’t naming our girl after anyone (like I had originally planned), I wanted her to have some type of “family name.” After even more discussion, we finally decided on Madalynne Isabel. The spelling of Madalynne is quite deliberate, as both my Mom and my middle name is Lynne. We still planned to call our little girl “Isabel,” however.
After we knew…
Well, fast forward several years… We knew we were infertile. We thought we might get pregnant through fertility treatments. Or we might adopt a baby. Or a toddler, who would already have a name. Our detailed discussions about what we wanted to name our kids seemed like a mute-point.
A different perspective…
At lunch one afternoon, my coworkers and I were talking about our dogs. A fellow teacher said she gave her puppies names that her husband vetoed when they were picking kid names. And that gave me an idea…
If we didn’t get to use our kid names for a two-legged kiddo, then maybe we should use them for a four-legged one!
I ran my idea past Dane, and he didn’t veto it! So, it was decided. If we didn’t have a two-legged kid by the time we got our next puppy, our four-legged kid would be Madalynne. Or Isabel. Maybe Trenton. Or perhaps DJ (for Dane Jr.)–if we got a Great Dane. ?
Then, there was a puppy…
Several years went by. Valentine crossed the Rainbow Bridge at 13-years-old. And four months later, I told my hubby that we were either adopting a kid or a puppy because I needed someone to take care of! He was on Craig’s List within the hour looking at dogs. And the next day, we went to meet our future fur baby. (Whose original two-legged parents called her “Ma Cherie,” which is “My Dear” in French.)
And we named her Madalynne.
We decided to change our fur baby’s name. She was young and hadn’t learned it yet. And we wanted to call our new four-legged kiddo Madalynne. I didn’t want to shorten it, but Dane quickly started calling her “Maddie.” (And he chose the spelling of her nickname.) Honestly, “Maddie” fits our spunky girl’s personality better. But she does respond to Madalynne. Though it’s usually “Madalynne Lytle,” which means she’s in a bit of trouble! She also responds to “Sweet Pea,” which is my affectionate name for her.
Redefining…
Now, I know not everyone (perhaps not even a few) would want to use names they had chosen especially for their littles to name their fur babies. But, for me, this was the beginning of redefining momhood. You see, we adopted Maddie in July 2013. Five months later, my husband asked if we could please accept our childless life and not try for a two-legged little anymore… I already thought we were going to adopt a toddler (or older child) and wouldn’t get to name our two-legged kid. That’s one reason I was okay using “Madalynne” for our fur baby. But he wanted me to let go completely…
As you accept your childless life, I’m not exactly sure how you should grieve. I’m not sure what you need to hold sacred, unchanged. What you need to let go, what you need to redefine… Though we must all grieve, cherish, let go, redefine, the specifics of this journey are unique to each of us.
My hope is that by showing how I redefined something as special as a little’s name, you will discover how to redefine a part of your journey, too.
Dog Mom’s Day & More…
Tomorrow (the second Saturday in May) is Dog Mom’s Day. (You can read more about that here, including the fact that I consider it “Fur Mom’s Day.”) For those with four-legged kiddos, I hope you’ll embrace this day and celebrate your mom role.
On Sunday, a special blog specifically for we childless will be published. I pray it will leave you feeling empowered and uplifted. So, I hope you’ll hop on Not So Mommy… May 10 to give it a read.
And on 18 May, I will continue the “Redefining Home” Series, talking about how I have redefined a furniture piece that was supposed to be the changing table in our nursery. “The Black Piece,” as Dane and I call it, has quite a story…
And in case you missed it… Please, check out the first blog I published this month, “A Global Pandemic AND Mother’s Day?! Surviving May 2020 as a Childless Woman,” by clicking here. Among other things, it has a list of special days (like Dog Mom’s Day) that we childless can celebrate this month.
As always, I hope something I said is helpful. I pray my words reach the right person at the right time, that this post resonates with those God brings to this site…
Sending you so many hugs, fabulous ones.
And Happy (early) Fur Mama’s Day!
Learn more about Spina Organics Dog Grooming Products by clicking here…
More Info about the Contest…
Though I know there are Not So Mommy… Dog Moms worldwide (and I greatly appreciate your support), Spina Organics is located in California. Because of that, the winner of this contest must be a US resident, as international shipping costs are quite expensive.
But I don’t want my International Dog Moms or any Not So Mommy… Pet Parent to feel left out. So, for you, fabulous ones, I’ll have a separate contest. The winner of it will get a special surprise from me and Maddie! Make sure to check Facebook for more details!
If anything I wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, please tell us about it in the comments.
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Featured Photo: Taken by me; Edited using Canva
