Redefining Home, Redefining Furniture

SENSITIVE POST WITH POSSIBLE TRIGGERS:  In this post, I talk openly and honestly about a piece of furniture that was supposed to be used in our nursery.  There is detailed mention of baby things, grief, and more.  Honestly, there are potential triggers throughout this entire blog.  Because of that, if you are feeling particularly vulnerable, you may not want to read.  But if you think you are up to it (and willing to possibly shed some tears), I believe this blog gives insight into changing perspective, into redefining.  In fact, I think this blog has the potential to leave you feeling empowered…

Perhaps because my hubby has been in the building industry our entire married life, our home—its design, decorations, and function—is extremely important to both Dane and me.  In fact, one of our favorite pastimes (well, before Covid19 attacked and stay-at-home became necessary) is to shop for furniture and decorator items.  (Yes, I feel quite lucky that my husband doesn’t mind looking at knick-knacks or choosing fabrics for a new chair!)

“The Black Piece”

The Original Plan…

Near the beginning of our infertility battle (when we were still certain that we would have a little), one of our favorite shops was “The Market.”  It was quite large and had various booths where vendors sold everything from furniture to flowers, candles, and clothes.

While browsing the aisles one Saturday afternoon, we came across what we have always called “The Black Piece.”  Dane and I both immediately fell in love with this piece of furniture, thinking it would make the perfect changing table in our nursery.  It had room on top for a changing pad.  And I could picture wipes and diapers and burp cloths in the baskets below.  Now, we weren’t “p.”  But we believed that we would have a two-legged little at some point in the not too far away future.

Because pieces at The Market were often one-of-a-kind, we decided to go ahead and purchase The Black Piece.  We were so excited about our future, about the possibility of growing our family…

Changing the Plan…

Well, years passed with no need to use The Black Piece as a changing table.  Instead of diapers and wipes, it held photos and knick-knacks.  Instead of being placed in a nursery, we used it in our master bedroom, the great room, and the kitchen.  It moved with us from Tulsa to Oklahoma City to South Carolina.  When we lived at the loft, The Black Piece was the nightstand in our spare bedroom.

The Black Piece & Bruna…

When Bruna arrived, it was the end of December.  So, The Black Piece was decorated for Christmas.  When we took the holiday decorations down, I left the top empty, telling Bruna that she could decorate it however she wanted.  We truly wanted the spare bedroom to become Bruna’s bedroom.  And over the six months she lived with us, it did.  And The Black Piece played a central role in her space, holding special mementos from our trips, a photo of Maddie, artwork from a Brasilian friend, candles, and more…  It was incredible to see this piece that we bought for a two-legged kid finally get used in the room of a two-legged kid!

The Black Piece & Our Cabin…

After moving into our log cabin in the woods, The Black Piece no longer fit in Bruna’s room (which is what we now call our spare bedroom).  But I couldn’t bear to let go of this special piece of furniture.  So, we moved it to our snug, where it holds our TV.  And in the baskets…

Remember I told you there are potential triggers throughout this post…

A Basket of Memories…

Well, one basked holds Victoria, a doll that my Grammy gave me when I was two years old.  She is wearing an outfit that Dane and I bought at the same market where we purchased The Black Piece.  (I actually wrote a blog about that outfit.  You can read it here.)  This basket also holds a glass angel that my Grammy gave me, a vase with dried flowers from both my wedding bouquet & my Daddy’s funeral, a dollhouse piano that plays my Daddy & my favorite song, a dried rose from my Mamaw’s funeral, and a gold heart with some of my Grandad’s ashes.

A Basket for Our Fur Babies…

A second basket houses Valentine’s and Prancer’s ashes, as well as their pawprints and collars.  It also has a plaque that Maddie’s school made with her pawprint.  There is an empty jar that says “Dog Mom” on the front and a throw pillow that we paid way too much for, but I absolutely adore.  It says, “The Dog and its Housekeeping Staff reside here.”  I have a photo somewhere of Valentine sitting on the recliner with that pillow next to him…  It fit perfectly because he was a regal boy.

A Basket for Our Brasilian Family…

Another basket displays gifts that our Brasilian family gave us.  It also has a personalized tumbler that Bruna made for Dane before she left.  (He says it’s too special to use for coffee!)

The Black Piece & Our Journey…

As I look at the items held in those baskets, I realize that The Black Piece truly shows our journey.  From a baby outfit we bought when we were going through treatments to a Dog Mom jar and gifts from our foreign exchange daughter, the special items displayed represent our battle, our acceptance, and our redefining…

And though The Black Piece did not get used how we first imagined, I am grateful that we kept it and allowed it to change and evolve and be utilized…  Because of that, it has life.  It is not an empty piece of furniture, sad and lonely, longing to fulfill its purpose of being a changing table.  No, The Black Piece is full of memories, full of joy, having fulfilled–and continuing to fulfill–various purposes as a nightstand to a foreign exchange daughter, as a display piece for our non-traditional family…

Some Final Musings…

And isn’t that what we childless have to do?  We have to change and evolve and allow ourselves to be utilized…

If we stay stuck in our thoughts that we have only one purpose–that our entire being is solely to be a traditional mom–then we are likely to feel forever empty, sad, lonely, longing…

But if we will change and redefine…  If we will allow ourselves to consider the possibility that we might have another purpose, a different purpose…  Well, we open ourselves to the chance to create memories and find joy and fulfill roles that we never even imagined…

If anything I wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, please tell us about it in the comments.

Subscribe to my email and never miss a post!

Click to learn more…

Featured Photo:  Created by me, using Canva