Pregnancy and Infant Loss, Infertility, Childlessness, & More…

by Brandi Lytle
Photo of blue and pink clouded sky on "Pregnancy and Infant Loss, Infertility, Childlessness, & More..." on Not So Mommy..., an infertility & childless blog
Wobble Warning:  As the title suggests, this post will discuss pregnancy and infant loss.  As someone who was never able to conceive, I talk about what this awareness month means to me from that perspective.  Though I am ten years into accepting my childless life, I’ve unexpectedly wobbled this October.  And I share about that during this blog.  I also discuss RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association & more…  As always, I hope to leave you feeling supported, loved, encouraged…  But, please, only read if you are feeling strong enough to manage a potential wobble, fabulous one.
A special wobble warning for the BabyLemonPrints site.  Though it includes images for Sleeping Angel Babies, it also includes numerous images about littles. 

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Because my goals here at Not So Mommy… are to support, educate, and advocate for the infertility & childless not by choice communities, I always share information about this important awareness month.  As someone who was never able to conceive, I’ve also always mentioned that this month is not for me.  I don’t personally know what it feels like to lose an embryo, a pregnancy, a baby…  And I never want to diminish another’s pain by proclaiming that this month—a month for those who have suffered physical loss—is also a month for me.

Included by Kennedy’s Angel Gowns & BabyLemonPrints…

As I was scrolling through Instagram, noticing the numerous images being shared about Pregnancy and Infant Loss, one in particular caught my attention.  Kennedy’s Angel Gowns shared an image created by BabyLemonPrints.  In this image, it states, “In October, we remember…”  Below one of the hand-drawn pictures, it says, “The mama who can’t conceive.”  As I type this, tears spring to my eyes just as they did when I first read this line.  Pain engulfs my heart and I see myself years ago, rubbing my belly and praying that the IUI worked, and a little embryo was implanting and growing inside my uterus.

But that never happened.  Because I was never able to conceive.

And this image…  Well, it acknowledges my pain.  It calls me a mama.  And that makes me smile and cry all at once.Image in Honor of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month; created by BabyLemonPrints

I’ve shared that a childless mom is a real mom.  I’ve adamantly stated that my littles grew in my heart.  Never getting to meet the biological daughter I dreamed of…  The little girl we named…  The child we longed for…  I grieved.  For years.

And yet, I still didn’t believe that was enough for me to claim October—to claim Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month—as my own.  The fact that BabyLemonPrints and Kennedy’s Angel Gowns include those like me…  Well, it’s hard to express in words what this means.  It’s validating to know that my heartache, my grief, my loss is seen.

And I’m crying again.  Good grief!

Included by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association…

Another group that has recently seen me…  RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association.

In August, I shared that RESOLVE is honoring me with this year’s Hope Award for Social Influence.  (Read more about that here.)  Dane and I will be attending the Night of Hope Gala in New York City at the beginning of November.  I’ve found the perfect dress, sent photos and comments for my “Honoree Highlight,” and am working on the remarks I will share on-stage when I officially receive my award.

You know, I’m still amazed that RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association is honoring me—a childless woman—during a gala for the family building community.  That they are acknowledging that being childless is one resolution to infertility, that a childless woman can still build a family (albeit in a very non-traditional way).

When I found out I was receiving this Hope Award for Social Influence, I cried.  I know I’m part of the infertility community.  But the fact that the infertility community is welcoming me with such open arms and asking me to share my childless story…  Well, as I said before, it’s so hard to put into words how much this means.


RESOLVE has numerous support groups for the infertility community, including groups specifically for those who have suffered pregnancy and infant loss.  While they are trying to elevate childless voices, support groups for the childless are more easily found on Not So Mommy…’s childless resources page.  While some within our childless community feel that RESOLVE does not do enough to support us, I feel that their mission should remain focused on helping others get the little.  So, it’s okay with me that their resources for the childless are limited.  After all, becoming childless is only one resolution to infertility.  Other resolutions include IVF, surrogacy, donor cycles, and more.  And I want RESOLVE to continue to advocate for more research and more access to care.

The Night of Hope…

That being said, the Night of Hope is not simply an awards gala.  It is one of RESOLVE’s main fundraising efforts.  If you would like to make a donation, honoring me, click here.  Now, you’ll notice that RESOLVE has set the minimum donation at $250.  If you can and are willing to donate that much, THANK YOU!  You might be thinking, however, “Woah, Brandi!  I’d love to donate, but I was thinking more along the lines of 25 bucks, not two-hundred and fifty!”  Well, I get that!  You can make a smaller donation via Not So Mommy…  Just write a note that you want your donation given to RESOLVE.  I’ll collect all the smaller donations and make one big donation to RESOLVE.  Just click here to donate via Not So Mommy…

Learn more about the Night of Hope here…

Read about all the Night of Hope Award Honorees here…

And if you’d like to attend the Night of Hope in NYC, you can buy your ticket here…

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for considering donating in my honor.  And thank you for being fabulous!

If anything I wrote resonates with you, please tell us about it in the comments…

Would you make a donation to RESOLVE in my honor?  You can donate via RESOLVE (minimum $250) OR via Not So Mommy… (any donation amount appreciated; please write a note telling me your donation is for RESOLVE)

Photo of an olive green heart on "Would you please donate?" on Not So Mommy..., an infertility & childless not by choice blog

Click to learn more…

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Keisha November 16, 2023 - 5:52 am

I appreciate the resources provided. Was wondering if you knew of any organizations that are government funded. I will do my own research as well. I hope the rest of the year treats you fairly and you get to enjoy!

Brandi Lytle November 17, 2023 - 12:47 pm

Keisha, I am sorry that I do not know of any organizations that are government funded. Hope you enjoy the rest of your year, as well!


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