When I found out that day 2 of World Childless Week 2018 would be dedicated to letters to our unborn children, I immediately thought about the journal a friend of mine gave me for my 30^th birthday. It is autumn yellow with dandelions, a heart, and the words, “Chase a dream, Find your strength, Know your heart” on the front cover. She gave it to me knowing that we were battling infertility and thinking that I might like to journal about our experience, understanding the power of writing. I thought it was a lovely idea.

The Power of Writing . . .

Journaling through Infertility…

The First Entry…

On the first page, I titled my journal, “Our Journey to Becoming Parents” and wrote my first entry on 29 April 2007, about 3 ½ years into our struggle. As I re-read the passages I had written to our unborn child, I felt the power of writing–the hope, the belief, the faith that we would one day have a little…

The Last Entry…

For about five years, I journaled regularly. My last entry was on 4 November 2011. I had just gone to our infertility specialist that morning to take a pregnancy test to see if our last round of IUI had worked. In the last lines of that entry, I wrote, “I am so hopeful and anxious. We are praying this worked!”

The pages after that are blank…

The last IUI did not work, and I was utterly devastated. Eight years into our journey, and we still had no pregnancy, no hope of having a baby. Although I would fight for two more years, I felt my power was gone. I think that’s why I stopped writing…

Seven Years Later…

And now… Seven years after that last journal entry, I am in year 5 of accepting being childless not by choice and just a couple months into embracing the positive affirmation of CANBACE. And I have discovered once again the power of writing.

So, writing a letter to my unborn child? Well, I wrote to her when I was journaling. And as open as I am about our journey, as much as I share about our story, those thoughts are simply too personal to share with the world.

Saying “Thanks” to the Kids in my Life…

I would, however, like to give thanks to the kids in my life—both two-legged and four-legged. What an incredible blessing they have been, and continue to be…

Our first two fur babies, Valentine and Prancer, along with our nieces and nephews helped me survive our infertility battle. Our third fur baby, Maddie, started to heal my heart. And our exchange daughter, Bruna… Well, she helped heal my heart in ways that I didn’t even know it still needed…

Blogging to Canbace…

As I have blogged over the past 13 months, the power of writing has helped me to heal even more. I have uncovered new details about my journey and am discovering the true and authentic me. And I am so, so grateful and humbled that so many of you have come along to share in this part of my story, as I continue to redefine, to create a new, beautiful and courageous existence…

Write, fabulous ones…

Like my friend who gave me the journal so many years ago, I encourage you to write, fabulous ones. Whether it is privately or publicly, share your story. The power of writing allows the mind to clear, the emotions to surface, and the realness of it all to be discovered…

Write privately…

If you need some help with how to get started, check out the “Our Stories” page here at Not So Mommy… Even if you aren’t ready to publicly share your story, answering the questions can help you discover more about yourself, which will help your healing and moving forward…

Share with someone…

If you want to share with someone, but aren’t quite ready to share with the world, I am always here to listen and offer support. Feel free to email me here.

Share with the world…

Finally, if you decide to share openly, in the hopes of helping others who may be struggling to feel less alone, I’d be honored to post your story here at Not So Mommy… Click here for more details.

Find Your Tribe…

As this week will show, there is a tribe of childless not by choice out there. We understand the struggle and want to give you our love and support. All you need to do is reach out…