As I began to embrace my infertility and accept my childlessness, I had to figure out what life was going to look like. If I wasn’t going to be a normal, traditional mom, then who would I be? And what was my Plan B? Since I simply couldn’t accept that I would never be a mom, I walked into year one of accepting my childless life determined to redefine what momhood meant to me as I discovered Plan B . . .
My 2014 Resolution: The Beginning of Plan B
My 2014 New Year’s Resolution included, “Stop trying to convince everyone else that I’m a mom with a kid—Just accept it myself.” This may sound strange since I am an infertile, childless woman. How could I possibly be “a mom with a kid?!” Well, I’m a dog mom with a four-legged kiddo named Maddie. And I decided that meant I was a mom with a kid.
Redefining Momhood: My Dog Mom Role
Now, you may not agree. There are those who dislike the term “fur baby,” those who think saying you are a dog mom is silly. Heck, even members of my own family think I’m too over-zealous in my relationship with Maddie. That’s why my resolution said I needed to stop trying to convince everyone else. Because the only person who truly has to believe that I’m a mom is me. So, my Plan B began with redefining what momhood means to me and allowing being a dog mom to be enough. In other words, I had to accept that being a dog mom is being a real mom.
Redefining Momhood: My Host Mom Role
Plan B and redefining momhood did not stop there, though. When our foreign exchange student, Bruna, came into our lives, I had to accept that being a host mom is being a real mom.
Now, in no way do I want to take the place of Bruna’s biological mama, her real mama. She is an amazing woman who freely shares her beautiful daughter with us. In fact, she said she always knew that “Bruna is a gift for the world.” When I say I had to accept that I was a real mom, I mean I had to allow myself to fully enjoy every moment of our day-to-day experiences with Bruna rather than wishing we would have had a biological kiddo.
This really wasn’t hard for me to do, though. Even Bruna said, “You loved me from the very beginning.” And my husband and I truly did. With our entire hearts.
Redefining My Life
My redefining didn’t stop at momhood, though. I redefined my entire life. While I always loved being a Tia to my nieces and nephews, now, my aunt role took on even more importance. They, along with Maddie and Bruna, are my kids. That is why I simply cannot accept the term “childfree” for myself. I never, ever want them to think that I don’t want to be connected to them. I never want to be free of my kids!
Also, I realized how truly blessed I am to be a wife. And it is amazing to have the time to fully devote to my husband and our marriage. I’m able to take care of our home, help him with his businesses, and fully devote myself to my role as wife because we don’t have two-legged kids at home. Because I always wanted to be a wife, this is a dream come true.
I am more…
I am also a fashionista, a daughter, a friend, a sister-in-love, a niece, a deeply intense, serious, passionate woman… For 17 years, I was a teacher. At age 40, I changed careers and now, I am a blogger. I am an aerial dancer, picture-taking fanatic, decorator of my home. I’m a pumpkin obsessed, Hello Kitty fan, and connoisseur of dark chocolate peppermint bark. I enjoy looking at things with a different perspective, finding the bright sides, and love writing Good Things blogs. Tiny spoons and forks are some of my favorite things. And I love comfort food. Mexican, Italian, pizza, burgers… If it’s unhealthy, I probably love it! And I have a deep, deep connection with my family and friends. I worry about them and pray for them and hope they feel my love even though I live miles away…
Yes, I am childless. But I am so much more than Childless Not By Choice. I am Not So Mommy… I am uniquely me. Redefining momhood. Redefining me. I am Creating a New plan Bravely and Courageously. I am redefining CNBC.
Let’s Redefine CNBC!
Fellow childless not by choice, I know how scary this path can be. But won’t you join me in redefining CNBC? Let’s see that acronym with a new perspective, in a positive light. Rather than feeling like choices have been taken away, let’s embrace that our choices are actually endless! Fabulous one, let’s Create a New plan Bravely and Courageously!
Will you share your CNBC story?
Please, answer both of the following questions:
How did you become childless not by choice? (Infertility, chance, circumstance?)
You are so much more than childless not by choice. Tell us about yourself!
Also, please answer at least two of the following (but feel free to answer all 4 if you like!)
What roles are you redefining for yourself? and How are you redefining those roles?
How are you Creating a New plan Bravely and Courageously?
Have you figured out your Plan B? If so, what is it?!
What emojis represent the “. . .” part of your Not So Mommy… story?
Copy & paste the questions, along with your answers, into the “Contact Me” form below (or email Brandi directly at firstname.lastname@example.org)
I’ll do some editing to make sure that the posts are of readable length, and I’ll post them on “Our CNBC Stories” as they fit. Please know that any personal information that you give (such as your email address) will remain confidential. You can run your story under any name you choose (or anonymously, if you like).
Fabulous one, I can’t wait to read your CNBC Story!
Need some inspiration?!
Read Our CNBC Stories here
Find out what emojis represent my “. . .” here
I’m arriving here a bit late here but wanted to say I love this – I’ve been thinking of ways of “owning” being childless/childfree and I love the idea of Create a New plan Bravely and Courageously. I concentrate too much on being different to people (mums) because of what I DON’T have. Oh and as for fur babies – I don’t even have a pet at the moment but my blood actually boils when I hear people (always mothers) scoffing at dog photos on Facebook / dismissing & belittling the whole notion of dogs being a part of the family. They know nothing!
I’m so glad you checked out the blog! And I’m glad that you are working on Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously. It takes time, but it is so worth it! And you made me smile about people who scoff at the fur baby photos. I agree. They know nothing!