Perspective: From the Mom of a Childless Woman

by Brandi Lytle
Photo of Teacup, Pen, & Book on Perspective: From the Mom of a Childless Woman on Not So Mommy..., an Infertility / Childless Blog

Written by me and my mama…

My mom has always been my strongest supporter.  She was (and is) there for everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly (as my dad used to say).  For as long as I can remember, she has encouraged me to follow my heart and pursue my dreams.

 So, when I told her that I was starting a blog about my infertility journey, it was no surprise that she was the first person to sign up for my emails and started commenting from day one.  What did surprise me, however, is that she wanted to write a blog for my site.  I don’t know why because I get my writing skills from her.  Of course, I eagerly accepted her request to write her perspective and that evening, this was in my email….

 From My Mom’s Perspective . . .

Where do I begin?  I wanted to share the experience of being the mom of a childless not by choice daughter.  Let me start at the beginning.

My baby girl was beautiful, smart, precocious, and independent.  I knew at age 4 that she would be a teacher.  How, you ask?  Well, when you go into your child’s room and see all the dolls and stuffed animals lined up in rows, pencils and paper in front of each of them, with “teacher” front and center expounding, it’s pretty well a given.  And this happened daily.

As she grew into adulthood, graduated college, and fell in love, that dream became reality.  Along with the career that she loved came the want, deep in her soul, of having a child – 2 children to be exact.  My girl was and is a planner.  She and her husband designed and built a home with two bedrooms lovingly planned, painted and ready for the children.

God had other plans.

But God had other plans.  They realized medical help was needed, so she went through infertility treatments.  Grueling, invasive, drug infused treatments.  And each month she would pray….  And each month the answer was no.

I tried so hard to be supportive without being intrusive.  I love my daughter and her husband without reservation.  I wanted so much for them to be happy.  At that point, all that would make my daughter happy was to become pregnant.

Some Advice

Do not presume to say, “I understand; I know what you feel like,” because you don’t.

Well, let me give you some advice.  Do not presume to say, “I understand; I know what you feel like,” because you don’t.  You were able to conceive and have a child.  There is no possible way you can fully feel the depth of pain that is felt.  So basically, all you can do is give the gift of unconditional love.  Listen when she needs to talk, cry, or rant.  Listen when her friends one by one become pregnant and have a child.  Be there when an announcement is made at a family gathering that brings her to her knees and no one seems to understand.  Basically, be there when she falls.

Time marches on…

And through the pain and heartache, time marches on.  If you are blessed as I am to have a daughter who has completely given herself to her Lord and Savior, the answer will finally come.  She will embrace the life of a wife, daughter, dog mom, aunt, and host mom.  She will count her many blessings and focus on the positive.  She will come out stronger and more confident, loving and radiant than ever before.

I stand in awe of her strength and courage.  I am her mom, and I could not be prouder of the person she is now, sharing her journey with others so that they can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Her light is strong, and I am grateful.  My girl is back!

I cannot thank my mom enough for her beautiful words.  She made me smile, cry, and smile again.  I love you, Mama.  To the moon…

Photo of Brandi Lytle and her mom on Perspective: From the Mom of a Childless Woman Infertility Blog on Not So Mommy...

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m September 29, 2017 - 7:34 pm

Wow!!! Like I’ve said before, we might not be in the exact same boat, but I ALWAYS LEARN SOMETHING NEW when I read your stories!!! You are … helping, encouraging, all sorts of momma’s!! I do not know what is in store for my daughter, but your mom is awesome, and so proud! I hope one day I can express myself like this to my daughter and being there for her through all of it. All of life’s ups and downs.

Brandi Lytle October 1, 2017 - 7:28 pm

It makes me so happy that you are finding encouragement here! That is a goal of mine with this site, and it makes my heart joyful that it is happening! (Praise be to God!) I am certain that you will be there for your daughter, through everything–good, bad, & ugly!

Amanda September 23, 2017 - 3:03 pm

It’s such a game changer to have a supportive mom. My mom is extremely supportive of the fact that I do not want children. She loves my dogs and treats them like her grand kids. She’s expressed to me MANY times that she’s more than happy with dogs. My mom recognizes all of the societal pressures that woman have to go through and I’m glad she doesn’t add to it. I appreciate that my mom is there for me and encourages my decision to only have animals.

Brandi Lytle September 24, 2017 - 6:33 pm

My mom also loves being a Mammo to her granddogs! You are right. We are definitely blessed to have supportive moms.

Leslie Gallagher September 20, 2017 - 5:56 pm

You are blessed beyond measure to have the love and support of this woman. I am so glad that you have found this outlet to share this journey with other women and the families that support them.

Brandi Lytle September 21, 2017 - 10:32 am

Thank you, Leslie! I feel blessed indeed!


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