Our Purpose: Support, Educate, Advocate

When I began Not So Mommy… in August 2017, I thought I was going to write an infertility blog that might help a few people. Since then, however, this venture has grown into much more. As my place within the childless not by choice community has become more prominent, evolving into a more recognized voice for the CNBC, I felt it necessary to put words to our purpose.

So, what is the purpose of Not So Mommy…?

Purpose #1: Support

As I’ve often said, when I began this blog, I wanted to make sure that no one ever felt alone on this infertility and/or childless not by choice journey. The isolation during our ten-year battle was often unbearable. If I could help just one person feel that someone else “gets it,” then starting Not So Mommy… would be worth it. I wanted (still want) to offer support to others like me, those who desperately wanted a little…

And honestly, I think I do a pretty good job of offering support to fellow childless not by choice (if I do say so myself). Some of the things I do to provide support…

Post motivational and inspirational quotes on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter
Write blogs about the infertility and childless not by choice journey
Share your Good Things Stories, highlighting how fellow survivors have found joy after struggle…
Share your CNBC Stories, showing how childless are Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously…
Share your Pet Parent Life Stories, showing how we childless are redefining as pet parents…
Email quarterly newsletters with inspiration, news, blog links, and more…
Respond to emails and private/direct messages sent to me from those who need a listening ear (Feel free to contact me, fabulous one…)

Yes, my goal of helping “just one person” has definitely been met! Not So Mommy… has grown into a global community! I am honored and deeply humbled by the support given me…

But I’ve always wanted Not So Mommy… to provide more than support…

Purpose #2: Educate

Before Not So Mommy…

Before beginning my blog, I was a high school Spanish teacher. In fact, I knew I wanted to become a teacher when I was in third grade. By high school, I had decided that I wanted to teach high school. And during my senior year, I decided that I wanted to teach Spanish.

After 17 years, I felt I had fulfilled my calling as a teacher. So, I resigned and began Not So Mommy… In my heart of hearts, I will always be an educator, however.

As Not So Mommy…

Because of this, I want to educate about the various facets within the infertility and childless not by choice communities. That’s why I share information about endometriosis, adenomyosis, PCOS, menopause, and other women’s health issues. That’s why I list links to tons of resources, from infertility, loss, surrogacy, adoption, and parenting after infertility blogs to childless not by choice blogs and closed Facebook groups. I also share dog mom blogs, various podcasts, and other useful websites that I believe will benefit different sectors of our tribe. Plus, I publish blogs about events and initiatives focused around infertility and being childless not by choice. And I have written book reviews over literature written by fellow CNBC warriors, as well as highlight products that I believe are particularly relevant to our CNBC tribe.

Because I want to educate both within and outside the childless not by choice community, my Not So Mommy… social media profiles are public, as is my blog. In fact, my “Not So Helpful: Things You Shouldn’t Say to the Childless” Series resonated with many within our CNBC community; however, I wrote it with the additional hope that it would help educate those outside to be more considerate with their words…

Through educating, I found that I was also advocating…

Purpose #3: Advocate

Sharing My Story…

In order for the conversation to really change, I realized that we childless have to speak up and speak out. Because not everyone is comfortable openly sharing their story, I believe it is my responsibility to share beyond the confines of Not So Mommy…, beyond the confines of the childless not by choice community.

So, I have shared on mommy blogs, on endometriosis websites, and on RESOLVE – The National Association of Infertility Awareness. Near the beginning of 2019, Andrea, the founder of Pregnantish, contacted me about sharing my story with her.

When I checked out Andrea’s site, I realized that it was geared towards the TTC sector of the infertility community. Though I wanted to share, I clarified with Andrea that I am childless not by choice and will never have a biological kiddo of my own. She already knew this and assured me that she wants different voices within the infertility community to be heard. In fact, that’s why she contacted me, a childless not by choice woman. So, I have joined the conversation as a “Pregnantish Verified Influencer,” sharing the truth that not all TTC journeys end with a little… (You can read my PVN profile here.)

While it is an honor to share my story within and outside the CNBC community, I am most excited about the following advocacy venture…

Raising Awareness…

As I was educating about various paths to childlessness, sharing awareness ribbons, Not So Mommy… community members said we CNBC needed a ribbon of our own. So, I did some research and created the olive green Childless Not By Choice Awareness Ribbon in July 2018.

I’m very proud to say that the CNBC ribbon is displayed on several websites and has gained support from bloggers, authors, and advocates. (You can read more about that here.) It was displayed at two 2019 Walk of Hope Events (held by RESOLVE) and CNBC awareness ribbon stickers were given to each person who attended the 2019 Angel Ball, (held by Kennedy’s Angel Gowns).

My hope is that, one day, this ribbon will spread so far and wide that no one remembers it was created by Not So Mommy…, but rather they understand the olive green ribbon stands for childless not by choice awareness. And even better, they understand that being CNBC is a complex journey, with people at various stages of acceptance—from grieving to finding the bright sides…

The Purpose of Not So Mommy… – Support, Educate, Advocate

So, the purpose of Not So Mommy… is multifaceted. While I have a heart for helping those within the childless not by choice community, I also know that for real change to happen, I must go beyond the loving support of my CNBC tribe. I must speak out, educating, advocating, and raising awareness… This is the only way to try and ensure that others don’t suffer the isolation, the misunderstanding, the disenfranchised grief that many of us struggled (perhaps are struggling) through… It is the only way to show the world what being childless not by choice really means.

On a very personal note…

Educating and advocating for the childless not by choice means I put myself out into a trigger-filled world, in an effort to change the conversation about being childless. I do this because I am quite far along on my journey, able to embrace infertility and find the bright sides of a childless life. That means, the triggers don’t happen as often for me, nor do they last as long.

That being said, I am a sensitive human being, one who feels very, very deeply. Occasionally, someone within the childless community questions and/or makes hurtful comments about my work. Though I’m quite certain their words aren’t meant to cause pain, they do. As I said, I’m entering a trigger-filled world, taking our CNBC message outside the (almost always) safe confines of Not So Mommy… This is scary, but I feel it is extremely important.

Please, understand that the heart behind everything I do here at Not So Mommy… is to support we childless. There are times, however, when I do this not by providing direct support within our childless tribe, but rather by educating and advocating within the larger infertility community and beyond. I put myself out there to make changes for our entire community. Your understanding as I do this is, as always, greatly appreciated!