Our Good Things: Candace’s Story

by A Fellow Survivor
Photo of a sunflower on Our Good Things Candace's Story on Infertility Blog on Not So Mommy...
As told to Brandi Lytle

Candace has a way of cutting through the junk, making you smile and making you think.  So, I’m going to step aside and let you read her thoughts about struggles, joy, and good things… 

 What difficulty were you struggling with?

Ummm, can I only pick one? Probably should or we’d be here a long time. Really, the biggest difficulty, like many others who are reading this post right now, I have broken lady bits and a bank account filled with IOU’s. Infertility is a double edge sword in that sense. It both robs you of your choice to have a family and the finances to even give it a fighting chance to try. Cost still remains the number 1 barrier to infertile couples creating and building their future families.

So, my current difficulty is:  financial infertility…and a uterus. I could use one of those.

 Why had you lost your joy?

We recently had a woman approach us to become a gestational carrier for us. After a year of preparing, testing, an IVF retrieval, a signed contract and lofty 23k invested into it later, she backs out right at CD1. That was not a joyous time. Sans joy.

But I don’t think you can actually lose joy entirely. Are there any Grinch fans out there? He had a super tiny heart, amiright? I mean, almost microscopic, but it was always still there.  Same thing with joy, it will shrink and it will grow. The end goal is to always be finding ways to keep growing joy in your life.

What good thing (no matter how big or small) helped you to start focusing on the positive?

I had thought about bank robbery, maybe being a lady of the night and other not so favorable ways to try to fund our fertility treatments. I ended up settling with focusing my energy, while in the wait, on support and advocacy. In all my spare time {laughs hysterically} —I make time to host a local RESOLVE support group for people who are struggling with infertility. Then every May, I pull on my big girl panties and myself and hundreds of others meet with Congress on Capitol Hill to talk to them about the birds and the bees, or lack thereof in our case.

That “good thing” for me is taking part in changing the future for the next 1 in 8 who will be diagnosed with infertility. Because it is the people now who are making a better way for the next you. (And of course, so no one in the future will have to contemplate nefarious ways to try to build their families.)

What would you like to say to others who are going through the same struggle that you have overcome (or are in the process of overcoming)?

Those scars you bare are not in vain. – Candace Wohl

I have two things:

  1. Be your own advocate. Ask questions and kick-flip over any rock you come across. At the end of the day, no one knows your body, personal situation, and what you are mentally able to withstand, more than you.
  2. Don’t forget where you came from. Seriously, for those who do resolve their infertility albeit, through successful treatment/adoption or childfree, you have a “special set of skills” and knowledge. Lift up someone else and don’t forget your struggle! Those scars you bare are not in vain.

Candace Wohl and her husband, Chris, write the infertility, surrogacy, parenting after infertility blog, Our Misconception.  Although they are not childless, having their “jellybean” after a seven-year struggle, I still enjoy reading their posts because of the humor and no-nonsense attitude about difficult subjects. 

Will you show your scars & tell your story?  You never know who you will inspire…


Photo Credit:  Xochi Romero on StockSnap.io

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Judy Odum March 3, 2018 - 11:18 am

Do love her humor and the ability to try to help others. The infertility journey can be so costly and most people can not believe that it is well into the thousands.

Sherry February 26, 2018 - 3:23 pm

Absolutely love Candace’s humor. If we can’t laugh at our misery, it will consume us. And financial infertiliry is definitely real. Those who haven’t endured the struggle can not possibly know or understand.


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