SENSITIVE POST WITH A WOBBLE WARNING: I am actively grieving my Nana’s death. This post speaks candidly about my most recent grief attack. It is personal and raw and honest. Please realize that this post discusses sensitive topics and has the potential to cause a wobble.
On 1st June 2021, my Nana died. I usually don’t say that. Died. As a Christian, I often say that my loved ones went to Heaven, went Home… And I believe this. 100%. I know that I will see them again, that this is only “see you later…” So, why did I start this blog with the statement, “My Nana died.” Because my grieving is not over the fact that she “went to Heaven” or “went Home.” No, my grieving is about the fact that her earthly body died. About the fact that when I visit Oklahoma, I will no longer be able to spend an afternoon visiting my Nana. But I digress…
On Grieving . . .
Day 1…
A grief attack hits…
On 21st June 2021, I made quite a “to-do” list for Not So Mommy… I planned to spend the 22nd of June sitting in front of my computer, writing numerous blogs, posting tons of social media, updating the website, answering emails… But on the 22nd of June, I woke up to a grief attack. In fact, the first thing I did that morning was cry. I hadn’t even gotten out of bed and the tears were falling. I cried that my Nana is no longer on this Earth. I cried that my Daddy has been gone for 20 years. I cried that my best friend passed away at only 40-years-young. So many layers of grief… And I allowed myself to cry over them all.
Giving myself grace…
After my vision cleared from the tears, I messaged two ladies to let them know that I needed an extension on blogs I had promised. And then, I decided to give myself even more grace and not beat myself up over the fact that I wasn’t going to post on social media daily for a few weeks. And I wasn’t going to write a blog every week. And I wasn’t going to do any updates to the website until July. At the earliest. And I wasn’t going to answer those emails. Not yet.
Practicing Self-Care…
Instead of sitting in front of my computer that Tuesday, I decorated my home for summer. Because decorating is one of my favorite things to do. I find it relaxing. And I love being creative with décor. I also vacuumed my entire house. Upstairs and downstairs. And cleaned the coffee table. And the mirrors in our bathroom. At 4 PM, I finally changed out of my PJs into leggings and a t-shirt so that I could go to aerials. But I didn’t put on one bit of make-up. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever gone to my aerials class with a naked face. But I was exhausted and simply didn’t have the energy to worry about the mascara and lipstick and filling in my eyebrows. So, I went to class with all my imperfections in plain sight.
Day 2…
The next day, I still didn’t post on social media. In fact, I still didn’t turn on my computer. Instead, I spent hours… And I mean hours in our yard. From 10 AM to 9 PM, I helped my hubby add on to our sprinkler system. And I transplanted 7 plants. And I moved a bit of mulch and dirt. Oh. And made lunch and ordered pizza for dinner.
Day 3…
By the third day after my grief attack, I was starting to feel stronger. But I still wasn’t quite ready to sit in front of my 
computer. So, I unpacked the Amazon boxes that had showed up the day before while we were working in the yard. And I discovered that the set of 10 mini vases that I had ordered were enclosed. So, I spent some time creating a summer centerpiece for our dining room table, placing flowers & herbs & greenery from our garden in the little vases. And then, I made a Facebook post about my creation because I thought it was truly lovely and I wanted to share it.
By about 2:30 PM that afternoon, I was finally ready to turn on my computer. So, I posted a social media image over at Not So Mommy… which said, “Thank you for giving me a moment…” The caption stated, “You may have noticed that I haven’t posted on social media the past couple of days. My initial instinct is to apologize. Instead, I’m going to say… Thank you for giving me a moment as I navigate this new layer of grief since my Nana’s passing.”
And then, on 24th June 2021, I wrote this blog. And I scheduled it to publish on Monday, 28th June.
Upcoming Days…
My Nana’s Celebration of Life is the 3rd of July. So, I’ll be headed back to Oklahoma soon. And I’ll no doubt have more ups and downs on my grief journey. Though I normally write a blog weekly, publishing each Monday, I am not going to write one this week. So, I will not publish anything new next Monday, 5th July.
And rather than apologize, I will once again say…
Thank you for giving me a moment, fabulous ones…
If anything I wrote about grieving resonates with you, fabulous one, tell us about it in the comments…
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Featured Photo: Created by me, using Canva
4 comments
You should never apologise for taking the time that you need. It honours your grief. And the life you live. It is only by doing that when you need it the most that gives you the time and energy and inspiration to keep going.
Thank you for your kind words, Mali.
I love your post about not apologizing for your self care . I have lost a longtime mentor and second Mom to me 5//25 and a spiritual leader 5 days later and my mom diagnosed with Dementia . With so much going on I found it difficult to have my tears . Slowly I’m getting there but I appreciate your post which has definitely struck a cord with me . Praying g and sending you a big hug 🤗 xo 😘
Sandra, I am so sorry for your losses and the struggles you are enduring since your mom was diagnosed with dementia. I am grateful that by sharing my story of grief and self-care, you were reminded to allow yourself to cry. Sending you so many HUGS…