Wobble Warning: I don’t really know if this post needs a wobble warning. As is usually the case, I speak candidly. This time, I’m talking about my childless journey, why I haven’t published anything in 4+ months, and my thoughts on discovering my (beyond) childless style. I mention my husband, fur baby, exchange daughter, extended family, and Christmas. I think this post will leave you feeling quite empowered at the end. But we are still coming down from the holidays (an emotional time of year), so something I don’t see might cause you to wobble. Just be gentle with yourself, fabulous one…
The last time I published a blog was in August 2022. (You can read it here.) That’s kind of hard to believe! Last summer, I was talking about the fact that I felt I was moving into a new stage of my journey… A stage I call #BeyondChildless, a stage in which I want to live my best life. As I ventured into this chapter, I really didn’t know what to write. Which is a bit strange because I usually have no problem writing blogs. But I decided not to force it. I think about Not So Mommy… and you fabulous ones often. And over the past 4+ months, I’ve felt some guilt that I didn’t publish a holiday series, didn’t send email updates, didn’t even post much on social media. (My last Facebook post was on 29 November 2022!) So, what have I been doing, you might be wondering?! Well…
What have I been up to?!
September is always an emotional month for me, as my best friend passed away on 16 September. So, I try to be kind to myself during that time. Last year, I spent much of September preparing for Dane and my first ever trip to an all-inclusive, adults-only beach resort! We spent a glorious week in October unplugging, destressing, and reconnecting with each other. (We loved it so much that we are going back in April!)
Then, November came along with all the holiday stuff. I really do love the holidays. Thanksgiving is my favorite. After spending Thanksgiving at home—just me, Dane, & Maddie (our fur baby)—we headed out of town to see Lindsey Stirling. (Let me just say, if you ever get the chance to see Lindsey Stirling live, go! I mean, RUN! She is Phenomenal!!!)
Dane had surgery December 1st. Despite that, he still wanted to celebrate our anniversary. And we still went back to Oklahoma for Christmas. Then we had our Christmas—me, Dane, & Maddie—on December 26th (since we flew home on Christmas Day). We quietly rung in the New Year at home.
Inspiration struck…
On 8 January 2023, I was driving to Church, thinking about Not So Mommy… and you fabulous ones, thinking about how I’ve embraced my Dog Mom role and feel really good about my life (most of the time), thinking about how I still struggled on Christmas morning and wondering why I can’t seem to keep my self-confidence on December 25th. And then, I thought of a quote that Dane and I saw while walking around the mall recently. I can’t remember who said it and a google search didn’t help me find the exact quote. I live too far away from the mall to just drive up there and try to find the quote I saw on the wall. Anyway… It went something like this…
“Style is about expressing who you are, while fashion is about being fashionable.”
And it dawned on me! Style versus Fashion. That’s the blog I’ve been searching for over the past 4+ months!
What are you talking about, Brandi?! Well, let me explain…
Discovering My (Beyond) Childless Style . . .
Since August of last year, I have felt quite strong. I really haven’t wobbled. I know who I am. And while who I am includes being an infertile, childless woman who has already gone through menopause, it also includes embracing my #BeyondChildless journey…
I am an aerialist. And I absolutely adore going to class and learning new moves in the sling. Being a wife and dog mom brings me daily joy and fulfillment. The relationship that we continue to build with Bruna (our exchange daughter from 2015) is one of the best things about my life! Taking care of our home, our plants, decorating… Sooooo much of my love goes into our little cabin in the woods. A lover of pink and Hello Kitty and pumpkins, hot tea, dark chocolate, snowflakes, and pawprints… I’ve figured out who I am. And I love her. I love my style…
A bit of a wobble…
So, why, oh why, did I feel self-conscious on Christmas morning?! Why, oh why, was there a heaviness in my chest, like an empty part that seemed to be expanding? Why, oh why, did I question if I belong, did I question my nieces’ love, did I feel that asserting my full & fierce Dog Mom role was a bit too much? Well, because on Christmas morning, I was worried about being “fashionable.” I was worried about fitting in…
Style versus Fashion
You see, when I focus on my style and my style alone, I feel pretty flippin’ fabulous. I mean, I rock pink and Hello Kitty and Dog Mom gear. I impress myself with the moves I can do at aerials. And I love, love, love the décor that I put together for our home. My style is pretty frickin’ awesome, if I do say so myself! (As I type this, I chuckle…)
But when I start comparing my (childless) style to others… Especially traditional mom fashion… Well, then I start wobbling a bit, wondering if my style is really all that fabulous? I mean, is my (childless) style fashionable?
Here at Not So Mommy…, it seems to be pretty fashionable. You fabulous ones have made me feel like my journey matters, like I matter… Y’all show me love and give me support and speak kind words of affirmation into my story. You accept my childless style. And I love you for it. Outside this incredible community, however, are those who don’t quite understand…
Now, I’m in no way saying that my nieces or SIL or MIL make me feel less than for being a childless Dog Mom & Host Mom. My nieces gave me a Fur Mama necklace a few years ago. My SIL and MIL buy Christmas presents for Maddie and love watching her open them. We always videochat with Bruna on Christmas morning. They accept her as family. In this case—this Christmas morning case—it’s me questioning my worth. It’s me wondering if my style really works…
Back in South Carolina…
I get my feet under me again when we get back to South Carolina. Truly, I found (and continue to find) myself here. I miss our extended family something fierce. But I don’t think I could ever move back to Oklahoma. My body remembers the heartache of infertility when I am there. And my mind starts wondering if I should be more fashionable, more traditional, more “normal…”
In South Carolina, I find my strength. My childless strength. My #BeyondChildless strength. In South Carolina, I believe my childless style is enough. I mean, being “fashionable…” That’s rather boring, don’t you think?!
So, fabulous ones, I encourage you to embrace your style this 2023. I mean, why be fashionable when you can be stylish?!
Hugs, fabulous ones. So many hugs…
If anything I wrote about (beyond) childless style resonates with you fabulous one, tell us about it in the comments…
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