Loving Despite a Broken Heart | Infertility / Childless

POSSIBLE TRIGGERS: Discussion of Valentine’s Day, marriage, couples, kids, love, and more…

If you are a regular here at Not So Mommy…, you know that one way I’m trying to heal my broken heart is by redefining momhood as a dog mom and host mom. I assert, “I am childless, not childfree” because I consider my nieces, nephews, exchange daughter, and fur baby “my kids.” (You can read more about that here.)

Not so long ago, one of my kids broke my heart. Normally, I am quite open about my struggles. Because this disagreement involves one of my kids, however, I’m not going to share details. After all, there are three sides to every story—my side, the kid’s side, and a third perspective somewhere in the middle of it all. Honestly, that third perspective holds the truth. A truth that is difficult for we imperfect humans to find…

But the point of my telling you all this… Today, I want to talk about a broken heart. Specifically loving despite a broken heart. Especially as Valentine’s Day is less than a week away.

What should life be like?

My second post of 2021 was entitled, “On Being Childless: What should life be like?” (You can read that post here.) In that blog, I talked about what Dane and my anniversaries have looked like over the past 20 years. I also told you that I’ve decided to wear the tulip ring he gave me as part of my wedding set. (A non-traditional choice, for sure.)

What should Valentine’s Day be like?

Well, that got me to thinking… What should Valentine’s Day be like?

Many would say Valentine’s Day is a day for couples to show their love for one another. Many would say it should involve a fancy dinner out, roses, jewelry, chocolate, romance…

Many would also say Valentine’s Day is a special time for kids—with school parties and candy and secret admirers.

Others would say these narrow descriptions cause them a broken heart because not everyone is part of a couple, not everyone has littles…

And that brings me back to loving despite a broken heart…

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that one of my kids broke my heart not so long ago. But you know what? I still love this kid. Yes, through tears and a breaking heart—in the moment of the pain—there was still love.

Relationships Lost…

And that got me to thinking about relationships lost…

I’ve written about the fact that I’ve lost some people I was close to because they were unwilling to accept my childless life and the way I am redefining momhood. Though I still feel love for them, I’ve found it impossible to “forgive and forget.” But maybe that love is why I’m having a hard time… Because it’s more than a wobble. It’s a broken heart caused by someone you love.

And that got me to thinking that maybe that’s why some childless turn their back on God. Because you love(d) Him, and He broke your heart…

Loving Despite a Broken Heart…

You know, I believe we childless have a great capacity for love. And Valentine’s Day… Well, I think it’s a day where we can show the world how to love despite a broken heart…

Mail cards to those who are alone—friends, strangers… I imagine an elderly person in a nursing home would be so very grateful to receive a Valentine’s Day card.

Send flowers to the widowed, to one you know needs a bit of cheering…

Call your friends and family just to say, “Hi.”

Throw away the stereotypical ideal of what Valentine’s Day should be like!

Because if Valentine’s Day is truly a day for love… Well, everyone can celebrate that in their own unique way.