On Being Childless: Love & Possibilities...

WOBBLE WARNING: No, I’m not talking about the “miracle little” today. There is absolutely 0% chance that I will ever become “p.” (Stop right there, those who might be thinking I shouldn’t “lose hope.” I’ve gone through menopause. 0% chance of becoming “p,” I say again.) In this post, I’m actually talking about my most recent experience with a foreign exchange student. Despite not discussing “miracle littles,” there is still a chance that my frank discussion about love & possibilities might cause those within the infertility & childless not by choice communities to wobble. As always, my goal is to leave you feeling empowered by the end. But please, only read if you are feeling strong enough.

If you are a regular here at Not So Mommy…, then you know that Dane and I hosted a foreign exchange student back in 2015. That experience—the familial relationship that I developed with Bruna, our exchange daughter—played a huge role in my “redefining momhood.” Recently, Greenheart (the agency that we used when we hosted Bruna) called me. They had a family interested in hosting and needed a local coordinator (LC) to facilitate the process. Because I wanted to allow another family and student the opportunity to have a phenomenal experience like we did, I agreed to become an LC—application, background check, references, training, and all that being an LC entailed.

Dane and I were also approved (once again) to be a host family—just in case an emergency arose. Though it wasn’t an “emergency,” the student is staying with us this week. Her family had a vacation planned, but she was nervous about missing an entire week of school. So, we offered to let her stay in what we affectionately call “Bruna’s Room” (our guest bedroom).

Foreign exchange kiddos are some of the most incredible humans. Their bravery and compassion… The way they look at the world… Their willingness to listen and communicate… They never cease to amaze me. And the kid staying with us this week… Well, she has blown my mind more than once.

On love…

You know, we childless are (far too often) told that we will “never know true love” because we do not have biological or adopted children of our own. I have boldly asserted that this statement is simply not true. But this week… While talking with our… Well, she’s our foreign exchange daughter for the week… So, that’s what I’ll call her.

This week, while talking with our (new) foreign exchange daughter, I (of course) shared about Bruna. I told her about Bruna’s most recent visit, plus about our time together in 2015. Our (new) foreign exchange daughter asked about the photos around our home, and I showed her Bruna’s pic. And then, the most extraordinary thing happened. This young woman looked at me and said, “You love her.” I looked back at her and simply said, “Yes.”

Thinking about this moment brings tears to my eyes. This intuitive young lady, having been in our home for less than a day, could already see how much love I have for Bruna—how much true love…

On possibilities…

As we continued chatting, I told my (new) foreign exchange daughter that I write a blog. She asked what my blog was about. I began to explain that Dane and I couldn’t have kids, so I wrote about our infertility and being childless and… As I paused to think how to best explain, this kid’s insight once again blew me away. She looked at me and supplied, “Possibilities.”

Oh. My. Gosh! She nailed it in one perfect word…

Possibilities.

I think we childless sometimes (perhaps often?) feel that our lives have less meaning, less purpose, less… Because we don’t have biological or adopted two-legged children. But just because we don’t have kids in the traditional sense does NOT mean our lives can’t have possibilities…

Think about it…

I mean, think about the possibilities…

Because we do not have a biological or adopted two-legged kid, I was able (at a moment’s notice) to agree to bring a foreign exchange student into our home for a week. I haven’t mentioned that her school is approximately 45 minutes away. That means, I drive 45 minutes in the morning to take her to school, to turn around and drive 45 minutes to get back home. Then, I drive 45 minutes in the afternoon to go pick her up from school, arriving 30 minutes early because the car line is so long, and then drive 45 minutes with her back to our house. So, I’m spending 3 ½ hours per day getting her to and from school.

Why would I do this?

To be honest, I think I fell in love with this kid already. Which is scary because she goes back to her host family this weekend. But my heart went out to this intelligent, sweet, young lady who values school so much that she was willing to miss a vacation just to attend classes.

I think maybe I digressed a bit there…

But that’s also a beautiful thing about my childless life…

Digressions are part of the possibilities.

Some Final Thoughts…

So, fabulous ones, if you start questioning whether the world is right—can we childless know true love? Stop it! The answer is a resounding, “YES, we CAN know and give and receive true love!”

AND…

Our (childless) lives are FULL of possibilities…

Hugs, fellow warriors. So many hugs…