SENSITIVE POST WITH POSSIBLE TRIGGERS: Triggers are not necessarily due to childlessness, but to the state of the world. My emotions have been raw lately. And this blog… Well, it’s rambling and a bit raw…
2020 has been tough. I realize this statement doesn’t tell you anything you don’t already know. It isn’t enlightening. It doesn’t look at things with a different perspective. I’m simply stating what we have all been struggling through—a tough 2020.
The Beginning of Overwhelm…
For me, personally, I began battling anxiety, stress, and overwhelm in March 2020. That’s when the Covid19 crisis hit South Carolina. That’s when I began to question what I should write here at Not So Mommy…, what I should post on social media, how I could best support this fabulous community…
After some bumps, I found my footing again. Blogs and social media seemed to be resonating. I felt like I was making a difference. Well, at least in my work…
Personal Wobbles…
In my personal life, the wobbles hit often and hard. Currently, they have little to do with my childlessness. My wobbles, anxiety, stress, overwhelm… Well, they are caused more by the uncertainty of it all. The not knowing… It’s taken me back to our infertility battle—a time when “not knowing” was the norm. I didn’t like it then. And I don’t like it now.
Social Media Triggers…
I realized that my personal Facebook feed was actually a huge trigger. Normally, I love Facebook. It keeps me connected with friends and family throughout the world. Feeling isolated because of social distancing due to the pandemic, I didn’t want to give up Facebook. So, I used the hide, snooze, and unfollow buttons liberally. That strategy worked for a while…
Overwhelm Continued…
But at the beginning of June 2020, I was once again knocked off-balance. Just like March 2020, I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to write, what to post, how to support… I tried. In response to a social media post, I received a message which caused one of the biggest wobbles I’ve had in some time. The tone was aggressive, and the person made me feel stupid. As I fought to control physical symptoms of anxiety, I tried to type out a message, vision blurred by tears. I had posted out of love. But I was told that both my image and my words had a racist undertone. I was told that I needed to “educate” myself… After making some changes, I tried again…
Falling Flat…
But like March, things are falling flat right now. I’ve wanted to write a blog about the heart artwork in our snug for quite some time. Finally, in May, I wrote the blog and scheduled it to publish on 8 June (last Monday). I’m not sure if it’s helping anyone… (If you’d like to read it, just click here.)
More Social Media Triggers…
Last Saturday, I realized that Facebook was once again triggering me. Though some say that if you remain silent, you are part of the problem, I don’t have the strength to speak up right now. I am taking a 30-day break from my personal Facebook page. I mean, when your palms sweat and your heart pounds and you become anxious and nervous and stressed from Facebook posts… Well, I think it’s time to find a different way to speak up…
Finding Some Strength…
While scrolling through Instagram (as it does not trigger me like Facebook), I came across a post by Melanie Drage, of Tapping Into Change. Melanie stated, “I refuse to change my beliefs and be bullied or shamed into believing that I am not doing enough…” Her words resonated deeply and profoundly within me.
You know, I feel like I am a strong advocate for the infertility and childless not by choice communities. Educating others about what it truly means to be childless is a passion of mine. And I think I do that well–if I do say so myself. I offer love, support, and encouragement on a daily basis to the Not So Mommy… community. And yet, I have felt as if I am not doing enough. I have felt as if I am not enough.
Finding My Worth…
Melanie’s post reminded me not to be shamed into believing that my work does not have value. So, I made one post that one person took issue with. Others were actually responding quite positively to that post. (It had received numerous likes and shares in the short time it appeared on my page.)
I want to be empathetic to others and continue to learn. I want to post positive and uplifting messages.
But I must to remember that I am a flawed human being. Though I am trying, I will not always say or do the right thing. Despite not being perfect, I must remember that my work has value. I have value.
And so do you, fabulous one.
Practicing Self-Love & Self-Care…
So, if you need to be silent for a time to protect your emotional well-being, that’s okay.
If you need to stop using social media for a while to avoid triggers, that’s okay.
If you need to read light-hearted books or articles or blogs because your mind and heart and soul need a break from the heaviness of it all, that’s okay.
And if you post something out of love, with pure intentions, and someone informs you that what you said is unkind, be gentle with yourself. We are all learning…
Just remember that you have value. Your voice, your perspective, your story… Well, it might just be what helps someone else climb from the pit, find her balance, discover her worth.
So, believe that you are doing enough, fabulous one. Believe that you are enough.
If anything I wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, please tell us about it in the comments.
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Featured Photo: Created by me, using Canva
6 comments
Thank you Brandi – you inspired me to post for the first time in weeks and weeks, maybe months! I have been avoiding Facebook and just about everything. I hadn’t realised that its the parallels with infertility (the waiting, the unknown) its all too familiar and this was causing me to retreat completely. I can’t imagine anything you write could cause offence – everything I have ever read is written with compassion and sensitivity – we can never please everyone all of the time. I feel heaps better being reminded that its OK to take a step back when ever we need to and remind ourselves “we are enough”. Your website is amazing.
Thank you from the UK
Jane
🙂 heart (I don’t know how to get symbols)! Sending you a Big smile and Big love
Awww, Jane! Your sweet, sweet words made me smile and tear up all at once! Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment. I am grateful that this post resonated. Though I am sorry that you, too, have been struggling, it is always validating to know that others have similar feelings–that we are not alone…
Also, THANK YOU for saying that what I post is “written with compassion and sensitivity.” I try very hard to be kind. Thank you for letting me know that my efforts do not go unnoticed. And thank you for saying my website is “amazing.” That truly means more than I can express in words…
Sending you Big Smiles and Big Love back! (Hearts, as I can’t do emojis on the laptop either!)
Making mistakes is part of the process – we’ve been steeped in the -isms of our society our entire lives, so we have a lot of work to do to reveal the things we don’t see based on our own experience. We will take missteps every so often (even with the best of intentions)…that is part of being human…and part of doing the work. As long as we learn from those missteps, make a good faith effort to see how it can impact others, let them know we are sorry for causing pain, and try not to take the same misstep again, that is the best we can do. Keep going. The only thing to do is keep learning, and keep going.
It is hard, but it is so worthy of our discomfort.
Beautifully and lovingly written. Thank you for giving your perspective. You are absolutely correct… “The only thing to do is keep learning, and keep going.” Hugs…
Remember the parent that gave you heck about the student project while you were teaching? You were devastated. I asked you how many students you had doing the project; then how many complaints. I rest my case. You.Are.Strong. ❤??
Thank you for reminding me not to let the negative get inside, causing me to question all the positive…