One morning, my husband and I were casually talking about our infertility and the fact that we didn’t have biological kids of our own. We both love our nieces, nephews, fur babies, and exchange daughter. But before meeting another childless couple through our foreign exchange program, we truly did not believe there was anyone else out there like us.
Not So Mommy… – The Name
My husband said that our new friends proved that there must be other people out there going through the same struggles we had. And he told me that I should write a blog about it. “You could call it Not So Mommy,” he grinned. It wasn’t a half-bad idea…
That evening, Dane told me that he had bought the URL address for notsomommy.com. Honestly, I was surprised because I thought we were just speaking hypothetically. But his action caused me to start thinking about what this blog could look like… What it could be…
Not So Mommy… – The Logo
Soon after, we sat down to design the logo, and I had very specific ideas about what I wanted it to look like. I knew I wanted it to be a chalkboard and that the lettering shouldn’t be too perfect. And it wasn’t just Not So Mommy, but rather Not So Mommy… That “. . .” was (and is) super important to me.
Why the chalkboard?
I wanted the logo to be a chalkboard because I’ve learned (and continue to learn) that you must be willing to erase and start over in life. But the erasing is often messy. It’s not like you simply hit the backspace button and all the sudden, there is a new, clean page to work with. No, in life, when you erase, it is messy and dusty, with remnants of what was once written still lingering…
And the nails on the chalkboard… Oh, I hate that! I’m so glad that I only had to use a chalkboard for one year during my teaching career. Then, I got the beautiful whiteboard and eventually, the SmartBoard. But again, smooth whiteboards and fancy SmartBoards just don’t symbolize the difficulty of an infertility / childless journey. No, that journey is nails on the chalkboard.
Why the not so perfect font?
Like the imperfections of the chalkboard, I wanted the lettering (the font) to be imperfect and real, as well. Nothing too scrolled and fancy, but also not childlike either. But it definitely needed to look handwritten. And it needed to look like it was written in chalk, with imperfect edges and smudges. The font I chose doesn’t even follow a straight line because even the most experienced teacher has difficulty writing on a chalkboard in a perfectly straight line! And that’s life, huh? Always curvy, always something unexpected…
Why the “. . .”?
And the three dots after Not So Mommy… Why are they so important? Well, because that is where the uniqueness of each and every Not So Mommy… is discovered. That is where your story, and my story, is written.
For me, the “. . .” takes on many different forms, and I often think of them in terms of emojis. As a dog mom, they are paw prints. As an aunt, different colored hearts to represent all my nieces and nephews. As a host mom, they are Brazilian flags and green hearts (because Bruna loves all things Irish). As a wife, red lips representing kisses to my hubby. And as a blogger, they are ink pens because I love to write ideas in my journal.
Why “Not So?”
Finally, why “Not So?” Why not just “Not Mommy?”
I didn’t know about the NotMom before I started writing this blog. Honestly, I hadn’t read other infertility or childless blogs. When I went through my struggle, I sought comfort from friends and family. They were my support group.
And as I talked through (well, often wrote through via emails) my struggles, nothing was as definitive as me not being a Mommy. My journey was more complicated than that…
As I took on the roles of dog mom, aunt, and host mom, I always felt kind-of like a mom. Sort-of, but not really… I was always trying to convince myself that I wasn’t a fraud, a pretender, a joke. It’s not that I wasn’t a Mommy at all. But I also wasn’t a Mommy like others. I was not quite, slightly different, not so… And my hubby, who suggested the name, knew that and embraced it.
The Blog…
This blog has helped me to discover even more that being “Not So Mommy…” isn’t that bad, so long as I focus on the “. . .” part and not the “not so” part of my journey. I also have to remember that life isn’t perfect. Actually, it’s a bit rough around the edges, dusty, and messy. And just when I think I have it all figured out, I’m expected to erase something and start over. Or at least erase part of it and readjust, redefine…
So, I hope that when you see the Not So Mommy… name and logo now, you have a deeper understanding of what this childless journey means to me. And I hope that you focus on the “. . .” part of your journey, creating an amazingly wonderful, imperfectly perfect life for yourself!
