Not So Helpful: Things You Shouldn’t Say to the Childless – Series Round-up

In July, we began the “Not So Helpful: Things You Shouldn’t Say to the Childless” Series.  In the series intro, I stated, “Ultimately, my goals over the next three months are two-fold.  One, I want you to know that you are not alone.  You are not weird or overly sensitive because a ‘joke’ hurt your feelings.  And two, I want to help educate those who truly want to support we childless about how best to do that.  By giving them a view from our perspective, perhaps they can ‘get it’ a little more…”  (You can read the full series intro here.)

I cannot believe that three months have passed already, and I truly hope that I have met my goals…  I think I have, as comments and emails about the Not So Helpful Series have been positive.  I so appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me.  (You can contact me via email here.)

We have two final blogs in this series—today’s “Not So Helpful Series Round-up” and next week’s “Helpful: How to Support the Childless.”

Not So Helpful Series Round-up

So, let’s get to the Not So Helpful Series Round-up . . .

Over the past three months, we’ve explored ten different not so helpful phrases…

Not So Helpful Advice

Because many seem to think we childless want them to “fix” our childlessness, I started this series with some of the unwanted and not so helpful advice that we often receive…

• Just Adopt

• Just Relax

• Don’t give up.

• Your Miracle Cure

Not So Helpful Jokes

If advice isn’t offered, it seems that people want to avoid the subject of childlessness because it makes them uncomfortable.  Because of this, we are on the receiving end of some not so funny jokes…

• You’re so lucky!

• Do you want my kids?!

Not So Helpful Comments

Then, there are the comments made in which the people seem completely oblivious to the fact that they are being hurtful…

• You never know true love until you have a child.

And those who think they are offering hope, however in reality, they simply don’t get it…

• You will have a baby.  Just believe.

Not So Helpful Religious Comments

Finally, some of the most hurtful words are spoken by those with the purest of intentions…

• God knows best.

• Everything happens for a reason.

More Not So Helpful Words…

Unfortunately, the list above is incomplete.  Fellow childless not by choice and Not So Mommy… community members have been hurt by other not so helpful words…

• Well, what are you waiting for?!
• You’d better get started!
• You’re not getting any younger!

Thank you for reminding me of that.  I had no idea my biological clock was ticking!

• To all my friends who are parents… 
• You don’t know what tired is until you have kids.
• What would the kids do at your house since you don’t have any?

Please, do not exclude us because we can’t have children!

• It will happen in God’s timing.

Seriously, stop with telling us it WILL happen.  And stop making us feel like God isn’t on our side…

• I wish I’d never had kids.
• I’m so sick of being a mother!
• You’re better off with your dog.  My kids have only caused me grief!

Know your audience and please, please, please, do not say these things in front of someone who is childless not by choice.

• How do you know you can’t have kids?

Wow.  I don’t even know how to respond.  Would you like to see my medical records?

• You couldn’t cope with a baby.

What I can’t cope with is how mean you are…

We must move forward…

Unfortunately, I could spend another three months writing blogs about the not so helpful advice, jokes, and comments that the childless not by choice endure.  But as with our CNBC journey, we must move forward…

For those outside our tribe, I am going to officially end this series next week with one last blog, “Helpful: How to Support the Childless.”  I do hope you’ll come back and read…

If anything I wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, I’d love to hear about it in the comments…

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Featured Photo:  Remy_Loz on StockSnap.io