My Story: Support from a non-CNBC friend

Trigger Warning:  Real talk about death and grief and my best friend, who had a little…

Today is the start of World Childless Week.  For many in our childless community, this is a day of excitement and anticipation, as we childless tell our stories.  I’ve told my infertility and childless not by choice story in so many ways…  On my blog, on other childless blogs, on mommy blogs, on chronic illness blogs, on podcasts, on webinars, as part of research studies and surveys and more…  But today, I want to tell my story from a different perspective…

My Story:  From a Different Perspective…

One year ago, 16 September 2018, I sunk to the floor in tears as I cried deep and loud and painful sobs, aching over the fact that my friend was gone from this earth.  God had answered part of my prayers…  He had healed my friend from her cancer.  But He didn’t heal her on this earth like I asked.  Instead, He healed her in Heaven.  And my heart broke because I simply didn’t know how I was to be in this world without her…

So, today, on the one-year anniversary of her death, I want to tell you about my beautiful friend, Jennifer.  She was with me throughout our entire ten-year infertility battle and for five years after I accepted my childless life.  Actually, she was with me for as long as I can remember.  You see, Jennifer and I grew up across the street from each other.  She was more like a sister than just a friend…

My Best Friend…

Jennifer was the best listener.  As I cried about our infertility, she simply listened.  She placed no judgement.  She didn’t try to fix anything.  She didn’t offer solutions or platitudes or why don’t you just…  She never said the wrong thing.  She always validated my feelings.  She helped me survive the devastation…

Because I could trust her so completely with my heart, Jennifer knew everything about our infertility battle.  You might find it surprising that, as open as I am about my journey, there are moments that I have not shared publicly.  But those private moments, the deep, gut-wrenching emotions…  Jennifer knew about those.  I could tell her anything…

The “P” Announcement

Trigger Warning…

She called me one afternoon.  I was shopping, so I found a quiet aisle where I could answer the phone.  She talked, and she hemmed and she hawed.  And finally, I questioned, “Are you pregnant?”  To this, she replied, “Yes!  I’m so sorry!”  I smile, laugh, and cry as I think about this memory…

Because she was so absolutely gracious when announcing her news, I can honestly say that I was happy for her.  There was no “happy for you, but sad for me.”  There was no jealousy.  In fact, Jennifer is the only Mama that I’ve never been jealous of.  Watching her as a mom…  Well, it was a privilege.

The Most Special Person…

Jennifer was quiet, yet strong.  She was calm under pressure.  She was the glue that held our friendship group together.  (There were four of us girls who grew up together.)  She was the most special person…

I’m still learning to write my story without her by my side.  There are so many things I want to tell her…  But I am learning to redefine…

I miss you, Jenno.  More than words can express.  Until we meet again in Heaven.  So many purple hearts…

I thought about posting a picture of me with my beautiful friend.  But honestly, sharing a photo of Jennifer seems a bit too personal.  Plus, I never asked her permission to share her picture here at Not So Mommy…  So, instead, I’ll share one of our “purple hat” pics from December.  If you want to know more about how redefining purple is helping me find joy again, just click here…

If anything I wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, please tell us about it in the comments.

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I was inspired to write this blog when I received the World Childless Week Newsletter announcing the themes for WCW 2019.  If you’d like to read more childless not by choice stories, check out The 3^rd Annual World Childless Week, held Sept 16-22, 2019.

Featured Photo:  Created by me using Canva