Mother’s Day: From the Perspective of a Childless Woman

by Brandi Lytle
Photo of a woman wearing a blue dress with a balloon directly in front of her face on Mother's Day: From the Perspective of a Childless Woman on Not So Mommy...

Trigger Warning:  The title says it all.  If you are up to it, let’s talk about Mother’s Day . . .

Even after embracing infertility, accepting a childless not by choice life, and focusing on the bright sides of Plan B, there are still two words that can cut…  Mother’s Day.  These two words can trigger deep emotion, pain, sadness, and grief for those of us who wanted to have littles but couldn’t.

I started thinking about Mother’s Day back in January.  In December, my goal was to help our childless community find joy in Christmas, not to simply survive it.  I wanted this perspective to continue…

So, I knew I had to find the right words, the perfect words to help we childless not by choice do more than just survive Mother’s Day…  It’s not that I necessarily think we should find joy in this day, but I don’t want us to feel left out, isolated, forgotten…

Since Mother’s Day tests my resolve each and every year, however, I needed time to discover the beauty in this day for myself before I could share that perspective with others…

So, I thought about our childless tribe.  And I realized this.

We are not less.  We are more.

We survive and we love, despite the unfairness of childlessness.

We love with a broken heart.  We love despite having empty arms.

I realized that giving birth doesn’t make you a mom.  Adopting doesn’t make you a mom.  No, becoming a mom is so much more than that…

Loving so unconditionally and purely and with your whole heart…  That is THE utmost attribute of a mom.  That is what makes a mom.

And that is what we childless not by choice do.  We Love BIG.

We love littles who are now in Heaven.  We love littles that we only dreamed of.  We love nieces and nephews and exchange kiddos and students and friends’ kids and fur babies.  We love with a mom heart, unconditionally and purely.  We love knowing that our kids may never love us as much as we love them…

Life is so unfair that it did not give us a little of our own to love…

Much of society doesn’t get it.  They think narrowly, believing that to be mom, you must have given birth or adopted…

Social Media Poster which says, "Happy Mother's Day to ALL women who love with a mom heart..." on Not So Mommy..., a childless blog

Love with a Mom Heart on Not So Mommy…

They think you have to have a kid in your arms…

But that isn’t the truth.  The truth is that a mom is born from the love in her heart.

And because of that, we are moms.  Because we love with a mom heart.

Remember that this Mother’s Day and always, fabulous ones. 

Happy Mother’s Day to ALL women who love with a mom heart…

 

Want to feel this way, but struggling with the unfairness of it all? 

Read “4 Strategies to Survive Mother’s Day & Other Triggers

 

Featured Photo:  Christian Newman of StockSnap.io

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5 comments

Sherry May 10, 2024 - 5:14 pm

Your loving heart is as big as the sky. I am in awe of your journey.💚

Reply
Jessica May 13, 2018 - 12:38 am

As an alternative education teacher who specializes in behavior management in a 12-15 yr old age group. I hands down believe you hit the nail on the head! My plan B includes using that Mom heart with all of my students. Loving them through incarcerated parents, anger management issues, DHS placements, and working through childhood traumas of all kinds. It means being the one they can’t push away. The one that won’t go away. The one who cares even when they don’t think there’s anyone left to care. Mom heart is 100% the way to describe what drove me to want my own kids, and what keeps my coming back to my 335 kids every single day. ❤️

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Brandi Lytle May 13, 2018 - 6:35 pm

I love this, Jessica! I taught for 17 years and completely understand your connection with your students. You are awesome for being the one who loves them no matter what! 🙂

Reply
Leah May 11, 2018 - 9:20 pm

I’m a Christian woman , and agree with this. I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and this very thing is addressed in front of millions at a conference . The talk is entitled “Are we not all mothers?” Here is the link. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/10/are-we-not-all-mothers?lang=eng

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Brandi Lytle May 12, 2018 - 2:51 pm

Thank you for this information! 🙂

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