Living YOUR Best Life: No Comparison.

by Brandi Lytle
Photo of a purple sparkly heart with the beach in the background on "Living YOUR Best Life: No Comparison." on Not So Mommy..., a childless blog
WOBBLE WARNING:  In this post, I speak candidly about the childless life, discussing various types of parents & marriage status, plus mention age, infertility, & endometriosis, among other things…  As always, my goal is to leave you feeling empowered by the end.  But there might be some wobbles along the way…

Last week, I told you that after taking a break, I’d found my inspiration again.  And I gave you some of my childless thoughts about living your best life.  This week, I want to dig even deeper, continuing to discuss living YOUR best life.  But first, I’d like to share the inspiration behind this post…

The Inspiration…

While in Miami, there was no shortage of clothing stores.  As we walked into one, an adorable shirt caught my eye.  Pink (of course!), it dawned a multi-colored pastel Jeep with “Miami Beach” written in all caps below.  I loved it except…  It was a crop top.  I haven’t worn a crop top since I was in my early 20s.  Because I don’t particularly care for my stomach.

My hubby said (as he has said numerous times before), “I think you worry too much about your stomach!  You’re beautiful!”  But he didn’t push me to buy the shirt.  Because we’ve had the conversation that I should be comfortable in what I wear.

As I continued to look at the shirt, I thought, “Screw it.”  I found a large and tried it on.

When I asked Dane what he thought, he said…

“You’re not in your 20s anymore.  So, you shouldn’t have a 20-year-old stomach.  You’re in your 40s.  And your stomach looks pretty damn good for a 45-year-old woman!”

I smiled.  And I bought the damn crop top!Photo of Brandi Lytle, Founder of Not So Mommy... & Creator of the Childless Not By Choice Awareness Ribbon

I didn’t wear my new shirt until we got home.  High waisted button-up jeans, a superb messy bun, and my brand-new crop top, I felt cute.  Sexy.  And I realized that my hubby’s words were more profound than I originally gave them credit.

Those words resonated within, reminding me that comparison is a thief.

And that brings me back to today’s topic…

Living YOUR Best Life: No Comparison.

There are times (perhaps too often) that I think we childless feel we cannot possibly live our best life because we compare our lives with the lives of parents.  Problem is…  We are never going to be parents.  At least not in the traditional sense of having biological or adopted children of our own.  If we hold our life happiness to the yardstick of a parent’s life happiness, there is a chance that we will believe our life falls short.  Especially if we are still grieving our childlessness, having a grief attack, and/or having a wobble.

You see, we cannot compare.  We should NOT compare!


Remember that I told you my hubby said I’m not 20, so I don’t have a 20-year-old’s stomach?  Such a simple truth.  And yet, I had been comparing my 40-something year old, post-menopausal body to that of a 20-year-old.  And that is a ridiculous comparison!

The truth is…

The simple truth is…  Well, maybe the complicated truth is…  We are childless and will never have two-legged biological or adopted children.  So, why do we compare our lives—our happiness—to that of parents?  Honestly, it’s an absolutely unreasonable comparison!

But you know what?  It’s ludicrous to compare anyone’s life to another.  I mean, think about it…

Being a parent of all boys is different than being a parent of all girls.

Being a parent to one child is different than being a parent to two, three, four children.

Being a stay-at-home parent is different from being a work-outside-the-home parent.

And the list goes on and on and on…

Honestly, for anyone…  Parent.  Non-parent.  Single.  Married.  Divorced.  Widowed.  Young(er).  Old(er).  For anyone to compare his/her life to another…  Well, it’s silly.  Because to live YOUR best life, there can be no comparison.

I’m not saying it’s easy…

Now, I’m not saying this is easy.  In fact, it’s often a daily struggle for me to not compare, as the highlight reel of social media frequently makes it quite difficult to remember that my beauty CAN be different from her beauty, that my success CAN look different than her success, that my infertile, post-menopausal, battles endometriosis, 45-year-old body is just as magnificent as the body of a woman who was able to get pregnant and give birth to healthy children.

Just try…

I try to remind myself that those I see in my feed are most likely just struggling to live their best life.  Just like I am struggling to live my best life.

So, fabulous ones, let’s encourage one another about living YOUR best life.  No comparison.

If anything I wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, please tell us about it in the comments.
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Photos:  Taken by me, while on vacay; Edited using Canva

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Sherry June 20, 2022 - 2:12 pm

Thank you for this blog. It rings so true no matter who you are or what your circumstances might be. Buy the damn crop top!🤣

Brandi Lytle June 23, 2022 - 3:41 pm

Exactly! LOL


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