Living this imperfectly perfect life.

SENSITIVE POST WITH A WOBBLE WARNING: In this post, I talk about memories and grief and mortality and aging without children and infertility, all from the perspective of a childless not by choice woman. It is full of things that might cause a wobble. So, please, do not read if you are feeling vulnerable today.

I am a ridiculously sentimental person. A person who attaches memories and importance to things. So, I have boxes of stuff that, to many people, would appear to be junk. But to me, they are memories.

Recently, I decided to go through my memory boxes… Boxes that I have been carrying around for at least eight years, maybe longer. I’ve been saying I’m going to do this for years. But I was just never in the right frame of mind.

Now, it might seem odd that I would choose to go through such boxes while I am grieving, boxes that will no doubt contain triggers… But my Nana’s passing has made me think even more about my mortality. It’s made me consider what my nieces and nephew will have to go through after I’m gone. And I don’t want them to have to decide what to do with these boxes of memories that Tia kept for all those years. Because my nieces are sentimental, too. Especially our middle niece. And our nephew… Well, he has the absolute kindest heart. So, I don’t want to make these kids figure out if they should keep them or throw them away…

While going through one of my memory boxes, I came across a stack of inspirational sayings that hung in my classroom. I’ve always loved motivational quotes, and I had many displayed on a bulletin board above my desk during my 17-year teaching career. I’ve decided to turn these quotes into images using Canva and share them over at Not So Mommy… Facebook and Instagram. As I looked through them today, one really struck a chord…

As I read this quote, I thought about the tagline I created for Not So Mommy…

Living this imperfectly perfect life. -Brandi Lytle, Founder Not So Mommy…

It is actually more common to say, “perfectly imperfect.” In fact, when you google “perfectly imperfect,” there are over 37 million results, compared with only 6.8 million for “imperfectly perfect.” When I founded Not So Mommy…, I made a deliberate decision to use “Living this imperfectly perfect life” rather than “perfectly imperfect.”

Why?

Well, because my life is not imperfect. And the things that one might think make it “imperfect” are not perfect.

What do I mean?

Well, some may think that my infertility makes my life imperfect. But there is nothing perfect about infertility. And therefore, infertility makes nothing “perfectly imperfect.”

Infertility has, however, made my life imperfectly perfect.

Because infertility is imperfect. Actually, infertility really sucks. But I don’t want to digress…

So, infertility is imperfect. And yet, because of it, I have become (or perhaps was forced to become…) quite happy with my life as a dog mom, aunt, and host mom. Despite the fact that all these roles are imperfectly perfect.

Yes, being a dog mom is imperfectly perfect. Imperfect because I do not get to mother a two-legged little as I had dreamed. And yet perfect because I get to spoil my fur baby like crazy and join incredible groups like Parents of Paws where I get to connect with other childless fur mamas. Yup. Imperfectly perfect.

Being an aunt is imperfectly perfect. Imperfect because, well… I’m not their mom. So, I sometimes doubt my role, our love… (Read “The Problem with Being a Childless Aunt” here.) And yet perfect because I get to be another role model in my nieces’ and nephews’ lives. Perfect because I get to show them a different perspective… The perspective of an infertile, childless woman who loves them so much that her heart bursts with joy simply because they are… (Read “The Power in Being a Childless Aunt” here.)

Being a host mom is imperfectly perfect. Imperfect because I only got a few short months with this two-legged kiddo in my home. But perfect because we became a non-traditional family that loves and argues and loves some more…

So, I am most definitely living this imperfectly perfect life. Because I decided to see beyond the imperfections, to find joy despite, to look for the bright sides, to let go, to accept, to redefine, to embrace…

How about you, fabulous one… Are you living your imperfectly perfect life?