Recently, I have been struggling. Two very close friends (honestly, they are more like family) received bad medical news. While I normally try to see the positive in all situations, I am finding it difficult to discover the silver lining…
While listening to HIS radio, I heard another listener call in with a suggestion about getting conversations started around the dinner table. She said her family does Lemons, Lollipops, and Lessons. In other words, each person shares their “lemon,” or bad thing from the day. Then, they share a “lollipop,” or good thing. And finally, they share a “lesson,” or something they learned.
How awesome, I thought! Everyone is given the chance to gripe and vent a little, but they don’t stay in the negative. They move on to the sweet and positive, plus share what they are learning. So, the good outweighs the bad.
And isn’t that what we should do in life? It’s okay to feel sad and discouraged and down. In fact, I need to give myself permission to feel depressed about the bad news that has come to my loved ones. These two pieces of news are huge, sour, awful lemons and it’s okay that I want (well, need) to cry about them.
But I don’t want to stay stuck there. I also want (and need) to be there for my friends in a supportive, strong, and upbeat role. So, I must find a “lollipop.” For me, the sweetness comes in realizing that even when I don’t know what to pray, God still hears the words in my heart. He understands my desires, and He understands the desires of my friends. He is in control, and I can find peace in that…
As for the lessons, it is too early in this journey, so I have not discovered them yet. But I’m sure I will because I have learned many, many things from past struggles…
The Lemons of Infertility and Childlessness…
While in the thick of our infertility battle, it often seemed that life held nothing but lemons for my husband and me. The overwhelming sadness that weighed on my heart was often nearly more than I could handle. They say your heart breaks when you are grieving. Until you have felt grief, you don’t understand what this means. But it is such a true statement because my heart literally felt like it was breaking into pieces. The heaviness in my chest was unbearable, and I wasn’t sure I would survive the heartache. And so, I cried. And when I was tired of crying, I got angry. I was on the verge of becoming very bitter until…
The Lollipops of Infertility and Childlessness…
My husband made me let go. He had given me time to grieve. We had tried to conceive for ten years. But it was time to move past the sour and into the sweet. And once I did, I discovered that there truly is a bright side of infertility. (Read all about that here.)
The Lessons of Infertility and Childlessness…
And the lessons I’ve learned?! Well, as a perfectionist who loves to have a plan and stick with it, God is continually trying to teach me that life doesn’t always go as planned. But really, that’s okay! I seriously doubt that we’d have the amazing relationships with our nieces and nephews if we had a biological or adopted kid of our own. I doubt we would have hosted our foreign exchange student, Bruna. And I know I wouldn’t have embraced my dog mom role like I have. All of that would be awful because we would have missed out on some phenomenal relationships with these two and four-legged kids.
Plus, I wouldn’t have started this blog had it not been for our struggles. And talk about missing out on some amazing relationships… I have connected with women from the UK, Canada, Australia, South Africa, and throughout the United States because of Not So Mommy… This experience has been incredible and not one that I ever imagined or planned.
And, you know, I wouldn’t change it. I am who I am because God made me infertile. And who I am is pretty darn amazing, if I do say so myself. The fact that, with help from friends, family, and God, I have been able to redefine momhood for myself, find my joy again, and embrace both infertility and childlessness is not something I thought would ever happen.
But my hubby made me look past the lemons. And now, that is what I encourage you to do, as well. No matter your struggle, look beyond the bad. Allow yourself to gripe and vent and grieve. But then, make yourself find the good and the lesson. Realize that the positive always outweighs the negative, if you’ll only allow yourself to move forward…
Share your Lemons, Lollipops, and Lessons on Our Good Things Stories…
Let’s inspire one another!
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