WOBBLE WARNING: In this post, I candidly speak about the infertility community, including RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and those who did get the little. I believe this post will leave you feeling empowered by the end. But please, only read Marilyn’s Story if you are feeling strong enough. If you like, you can just skip to the section entitled “You CAN live a full life…” That’s where I talk about Infertile Tees new CNBC collection.
Through RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, I have connected with numerous infertility warriors. Speaking candidly, many of these warriors did get the little. What I am finding flippin’ fabulous, however, is that RESOLVE and the infertility community—including those parenting after infertility—are becoming more & more impassioned about sharing the childless story, supporting the childless community, educating that ending a journey without a little in arms is one resolution to infertility. I also adore that RESOLVE and the infertility community are using the acronym CNBC. That way, whether one identifies as childLESS not by choice (like me) or childFREE not by choice, we feel seen & included.
Today, I’d like to introduce you to an active supporter of RESOLVE, a fellow infertility warrior, and just a flat-out phenomenal woman who founded Infertile Tees and recently launched a new collection specifically for the CNBC community!
Before we talk about the FABULOUS shirts for our CNBC fam, I’d like to take a moment and allow Marilyn Gomez—founder of Infertile Tees—to share a bit of her story. (Again, I remind you of the Wobble Warning, as Marilyn discusses her infertility journey and did get a little in the end. Though I will say, getting the little is NOT the focus of her story.)
Marilyn Gomez: Finding Joy Despite…
Why had you lost your joy?
[Infertility] was all consuming. I felt like a science project. My days were no longer about enjoyment but rather tracking every single symptom, days leading up to cycles, treatments, calendars, timed intercourse and I disconnected from myself. I had no joy. I was a shell existing in the wait. It was awful.
What difficulty were you struggling with?
I was diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility in 2013. The diagnosis with no plan. This came after 7 failed IUIs and one chemical pregnancy after my first IVF. I began to question my worth.
How did you find joy despite this struggle?
I found a therapist. She specialized in Infertility support. Because she herself had her own journey and was passionate about helping women, she organized a small group who were experiencing infertility and started her first support group with us. We would meet every Wednesday for 3 hours together. These women became pillars for my healing, and I for theirs. I don’t know how, but I began to find healing and joy again in the midst of my journey. Throughout therapy and support group (both with Whitney Barrell–my therapist), I found that my life was much more grand than any title society wanted for me. I learned and began to believe my worth.
So, when it came time for my third IVF transfer, I was ready for plan B. If it didn’t work, I was ready to walk away, start a dog rescue center and submerge myself into a new chapter. But somehow, after 5.5 years of nothing working, losing pregnancies…..I got pregnant and in 2016, my daughter Mila was born.
Why did you decide to start Infertile Tees?
In October 2019, I prepared for my 4th embryo transfer in an attempt to give my daughter a sibling and knew I wanted to wear a cute transfer day t-shirt. I scoured the web for a cute t-shirt, but I didn’t like anything I saw or matched my everyday style, so I designed my own on my iPad pro and had a local print shop print it for me.
My transfer failed. It was my last two frozen embryos, and I didn’t want to do this anymore. My daughter Mila was 3 at the time, and I knew it was time to close this chapter and rewrite a new story. A story that embraced having one child in a society that expects one more.
I quickly realized that the last 10 years were dominated by my infertility, and I lost so much of who I was. I knew it was time to step into a new chapter. Having received so many compliments and requests to buy my transfer day t-shirt, I knew I wanted to get it into the hands of this community.
One evening sitting at my dinner table, I opened my Instagram App, created a new account and called it Infertile Tees. The name came to me so quickly I didn’t give it any thought. I didn’t realize I was starting a business. I posted a few designs, and my inbox was flooded with so many Venmo requests that it was hard to keep track of them. It brought me so much joy to support the community this way.
I built my website and began creating cute and subtle designs that gave women their power back. The power to share their story on their own terms without having to scream it.
What would you like to say to others who are going through the same struggle that you have overcome?
That only YOU know when it’s time to change course. Quench yourself in your community, seek therapy and go regularly, advocate for your needs to your friends, family, health care providers. Set boundaries and know that YOU are so loved and whole as you are. You aren’t broken. You CAN write a new story and live a rich and full life on any way you choose to.
You CAN live a full life…
Oh, I love that last statement! “You CAN write a new story and live a . . . full life on any way you choose to.”
Though Marilyn got a little, she fully understands that not all do. And she wanted to do something tangible to show her support for the CNBC community. So, she spoke with 14 women in the CNBC community (including me). And what she got from those conversations…
In her words…
[T]he common messaging through our conversations are how they [the CNBC] feel like they are blooming and living so fully. That living a childfree life still makes you a woman, worthy, [one who] can love deeply, and [has] the responsibility to live openly and show others the same. That there is still a place at the table for the CNBC community during NIAW. The advocacy doesn’t stop. I wanted to create designs that showcase that chapter. One that blossoms, brings awareness, feels empowering, and most importantly feels seen.
A New Collection… CNBC: The Resolution
With that in mind, Marilyn created a new collection at Infertile Tees called “CNBC: The Resolution.” Oh, how I adore this name! This isn’t a collection for those childless while TTC. This is for those of us who will be forever childless. And for those of you who are not childless by infertility, but rather are childless by chance, by circumstance, by marriage, by… Marilyn did not focus on infertility within the CNBC: The Resolution collection. Because of this, these shirts are for all within our childless community. Marilyn, I want to personally thank you for that—for including all who find themselves childless, whether by infertility or some other reason.
The CNBC Shirts…
Now, for the shirts!
Looking through the four different shirts that Marilyn created, tears well in my eyes. I am overcome with emotion at the absolutely gorgeous artwork with incredibly empowering sentiments. The shirt that makes my heart swell the most—feeling grief & joy intermingled all at once—is called “Brandi.” It contains Marilyn’s lovely adaptation of the olive green Childless Not By Choice Awareness Ribbon, which I created in July 2018. (You can read more about the CNBC Ribbon here.) Truly, I cannot put into words what it means that Marilyn used the ribbon and named the shirt after me… It was unexpected and appreciated more than I can express…
Other shirts include “Tracey,” and “1 in 5: CNBC” (because by the age of 45, 1 in 5 women are CNBC). All shirts are available as t-shirts or sweatshirts in sizes Small through 3XL. Personally, I adore sweatshirts and plan to put the Brandi Crew and the 1in 5: CNBC crew on my Christmas Wish List!
Which shirt from the CNBC: The Resolution collection is your fave, fabulous one?! Tell us about it in the comments…
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Featured Photo: Created by me, using Canva
