As a childless not by choice woman, I struggled for years with questions, doubts… Why wasn’t I chosen to be a mom? Did God know that I’d make an awful mother? Why was getting pregnant so easy for so many and yet seemed to be out of my reach? Am I not worthy enough to be blessed with a child?
For a long time, I didn’t realize that these questions and doubts had chipped away at my self-confidence. The once sure-of-herself, didn’t care what others thought, knew she was smart and beautiful and brave had become fearful, doubtful, and unsure…
Feelings of (Un)Worthiness during World Childless Week
So, when the topic of worthiness arose during the first World Childless Week, I struggled to write. I didn’t feel worthy. In fact, I felt conceited saying, “I am worthy.” And so, I decided this…
“…deep in my heart, I know that I am not worthy. Before you get angry, let me explain…”
You can read the full blog, “Am I worthy?” here… But the gist is, I believe that I am only worthy because of Jesus’s strength, love, and power working through me.
Feelings of Worthiness Growing…
During the seven months since World Childless Week, I have continued to feel God working through Not So Mommy… And because of this, my feelings of “worthiness” have grown. Although I still feel a little conceited saying, “I am worthy,” my voice for the childless is becoming stronger, and I am slowly regaining the person I once was. I am now a pretty-sure-of-herself, usually don’t care what others think, know I’m a hard worker and that makes me smart, feel beautiful a lot of the time, brave because I’m forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone gal.
Feeling Worthy to be a Part of the Summit…
God doesn’t want me to live fearful, doubtful, and unsure. He created me to be strong and brave and sure.
And this gal… This get out of your comfort zone gal and speak your truth no matter what others think is participating in the first ever “We Are Worthy!” Summit, created and hosted by Nicci and Andrew Fletcher of The Childless Not By Choice Magazine. This gal is facing fears and presenting a live discussion about being a host mom. (If you’d like to learn more about my event, “Redefining Momhood: From Infertility to Host Mom,” click here.)
I am one of many who have agreed to participate in the “We Are Worthy!” Summit. For the past several weeks, I’ve helped Nicci and Andrew secure amazing people like Jody Day of Gateway Women, Lisa Manterfield of Life Without Baby, and Sue Johnston of The In-fertility Advocate (just to name a few) to host webinars, chats, and more. This week-long summit will take place from Sunday, 22 April through Saturday, 28 April. (This is the same week as the US’s National Infertility Awareness Week. NIAW’s theme this year is #FliptheScript, which is exactly what I believe the Summit is doing! Everyone’s journey does not end with a child, so we must #FliptheScript and discover our worthiness in Plan B.) To participate in the Summit’s FREE online events, all you have to do is register for those you’d like to attend.
I, for one, am super excited about the schedule and plan to participate in as many events as I can! I am sure by the end of the week that I will feel even more connected with this amazing community of people who just happen to be childless, but are most definitely worthy of feeling smart, beautiful, and brave… Because over the last months, I’ve also realized that God doesn’t want me to live fearful, doubtful, and unsure. He created me to be strong and brave and sure. And I am even more certain of my original conclusion from months ago… I am worthy because of His strength, love, and power working through me!
You are worthy to take part, too.
So, check out the speakers, register for as many events as you can, and join the first ever “We Are Worthy!” Summit, fabulous ones! Because this summit is not just a good thing, it’s a worthy thing!
*The Summit is not affiliated with any particular religious group. Not all speakers are Christian, and I doubt that God will be discussed very much during the week. But I am Christian, and because of that, I best express my feelings of worthiness by explaining that I get them from my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Featured Photo: Garon Piceli of StockSnap.io
Thank you so much for your wonderful blog Brandi. I had tears in my eyes as I read about your feelings toward being worthy. So much of it resonated with me that it could have been me writing about how if feel my worthiness is starting to blossom. Like you I am not quite there yet and still have a tendency to whisper “I am worthy”. Change IS happening though. I feel like a caterpillar (my years of grief) who is on the verge of leaving the cocoon: I am a butterfly waiting to test whether my new wings will work. I am so pleased that Andrew and I are on this journey with you and with all the other brave, beautiful and WORTHY butterflies who are starting to emerge around the world.
It is a blessing to be on this journey with others who understand. We are most definitely butterflies…