I love fall. It is my absolute favorite time of year. There is something peaceful about the trees abounding forth with one final burst of vibrant color before the coldness of winter sets in. The warmth of the leaves’ colors is felt throughout the season of fall in lit jack-o-lanterns, warm drinks, comfort foods, and family traditions. It is a glorious time of year!
I did not always relish fall the way that I do now. As I pondered why I love this season so much, I realized something…
The Season of Spring for the Children
As a child, you are in the spring of your life. Everything is new, blooms push through the ground and reach for the sun, there is a lightness and an airy feel about. It is refreshing and invigorating and energizing. Spring is a beautiful time. And I pray that every child gets to enjoy the absolute fullness of this season of life…
The Season of Summer for the Adults
Because as you mature, you move into summer. Although summer vacation away from school and responsibilities is a blast for children who are in the spring of their lives, summer for adults is different. My summer happened during our infertility battle.
While some may say infertility is more like winter, I disagree. Winter is quiet and picturesque, with soft snow glistening and wonderful holidays. Winter leads to new birth.
Summer, on the other hand, is a crazy time, building and planning and pursuing. It is harsh, hot, and dry. If you do not give yourself enough nourishment, you will wither during this hectic time of life. This describes infertility for me.
Battling infertility was an extremely cruel time, and it nearly caused me to fade away completely. I spent ten years walking through that oppressive season. Honestly, I wasn’t sure there was ever going to be any relief from the heat.
The Season of Fall for the Childless
But then, fall peeked through. Slightly cooler temps, a crisp breeze in the air, relief… I breathed in the peace and prayed it would last. But as often happens, the heat returned and I was fearful that fall was just an illusion—something that I would never have in my life. But I wanted that relief so desperately…
So, I struggled to figure out how I could have this glorious season of fall. Should I move? The answer was a definitive YES. I had to move from my infertility battle to an acceptance of my childless life. And once I started to make this change, the vibrant colors came through, and I felt the warmth and comfort and peace that I had been missing for so long.
For me, I think that I love fall so much because as a woman who has embraced infertility and is accepting childlessness, most of my life will be spent in the fall. It is a cozy time filled with warmth, love, and enjoyment.
I can relax because I am no longer worrying and wondering about when… When will I get pregnant? When will we have a baby? When will we adopt? When…?
Now, I just breathe in life. I enjoy the colors that surround me and relax in the present.
If you are not there yet in your journey, I pray that you find your fall soon and that you savor it!
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