Not too long ago, someone told me that feelings are neither positive nor negative; they just are. Another person said that showing emotions (like crying when you are sad) isn’t weak. As I thought about these assertions, I realized they contain much truth…
Grieving…
Negative & Weak?
As I have grieved the loss of my best friend, I sometimes feel like I am being “negative.” Crying, questioning, being irritable, sad, angry… Well, it seems I’m weak, giving in to negative emotions.
But if what these two warriors said is true, then I am telling myself lies.
Or Courageous?
Feeling the deep, intense pain of losing someone takes courage. Rather than ignoring the hurt, covering up the reality, I have sobbed (nearly hysterically) as my heart broke into so many pieces that I did not know if I would ever be able to put it back together…
But you know what? Letting those emotions flow actually allowed me to move through my grief and begin to tentatively emerge on the other side…
Battling Infertility…
And I remembered going through this same type of intense, gut-wrenching, unbearable pain during our infertility battle…
While these feelings were not (are not) negative, my attitude while going through our struggle was becoming negative. I was stuck. Stuck in my grief, stuck in the desire to change something that I simply couldn’t…
So, I decided to switch my focus. Now, this was not easy. But I was determined to discover the good in my life. So, I started small, finding joy in having Mexican for dinner on Friday night, being happy when spending time with my hubby and fur baby (rather than wishing we had a little with us), accepting and embracing all that was lovely about our life…
When I wobbled (actually, I still do sometimes), I allow myself to feel the sadness. But I make a very conscious effort not to allow that sadness to turn my attitude negative. Instead, I work through the emotions, find my balance, and begin to focus on the bright sides once again.
The Feelings of a 16 Year Journey…
Fabulous one, I’ve been on this journey for 16 years now. So, what I’ve describe in a few paragraphs represents years’ worth of work. I’m not sure where you are on your journey…
If you are in the middle of the pit of despair, be gentle with yourself as you navigate the grief. Don’t look at those of us who have made it through to the other side and belittle your feelings. Don’t tell yourself lies about being negative. Rather, look to us for hope that there is a way through this pain. You can find the bright sides. You can joyfully move forward with the what is… You can do this by not allowing the grief to turn your attitude negative.
Feelings and Attitudes…
Yes, feelings and attitudes—they are two very different things.
So, I will agree with the warriors who stated that feelings just are and showing them does not make you weak. But I will add that you must be cautious about your attitude. Because it can be positive or negative. It can strengthen you or weaken you…
For more about my perspective on attitude, read “Perspectives on Life: Positive, Negative, And, But…” by clicking here…
If anything I wrote resonates with you, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
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