Emily’s Story: Lost Much, Gained More…

by A Fellow Warrior
Photo of a jar with sparkles coming out the top on Emily's Story, on Not So Mommy..., an infertility & childless blog
As told to Brandi Lytle

After posting that I was accepting “Our Stories” for 2021, I received an email from Emily.  I am always humbly honored when a fabulous one trusts me and this community enough to boldly speak her truth.  As I read Emily’s story, my heart ached as she shared all she lost.  But her faith and ability to find joy despite…  Well, it is truly inspiring.

Let me turn it over to Emily, telling both her CNBC Story, as well as how she found joy despite…

The Story of Emily . . .

SENSITIVE POST WITH POSSIBLE TRIGGERS:  Discussion of TTC, infertility, parenthood, grief, loss, faith, and more…

Lost Much…

For years, we tried, and with each period and negative test, my heart continued to sink. We sought help and tried harder. Meanwhile, all around me, friends and colleagues had kids and pregnancies. I began to feel more and more isolated and depressed. There were some days when I could hardly smile. At last, we were given the news that all roads led to IVF, and we decided we were done. Emotionally, I was spent, and we knew that if we kept this up, it could destroy us.

It was a shocking thing. I felt numb. That same week, someone I was close to, had their first baby. I wept and grieved, but no one could understand. People began whispering and gossiping about me, speculating as to why I was such a downer all the time. When I finally got the courage to explain my grief and pain, I was met with dismissive attitudes, false hope, rejection, and outright laughter at my expense. Finally, I was told to cheer up or lose my job.

I was devastated. When I needed support the most, my world, and those who I thought cared about me, crumbled into dust.

I never thought I’d trust again. We left the horrible situation we found ourselves in. We lost so many people we thought loved and cared about us. I left my job. We moved away. We wanted to start over.

Gained More…

God in His mercy allowed us to do just that.

We found a new circle of friends. I made the decision to be open and honest about my infertility and educate others. I wrote an essay about invisible losses and grief. And people received it with love and appreciation. I began a new career in a field I love, working with dogs.

Pangs of hurt still come when I think on what I lost: friends, family, my first home, and, of course, the dream of motherhood.

But I find joy when I think on what I have gained that I never would have found if everything had worked out the way I dreamed. I gained new friends who show me more love and understanding than I ever had before. Through our shared pain and trials, I gained a better relationship with my husband. I gained a new job working with wonderful dogs and bettering their lives. I gained a closer relationship with my God through learning to trust Him more. And I gained an empathy and understanding for others going through pain, no matter how big, small, visible, or invisible it may seem.

I would never have become who I am today if I hadn’t lost so much. I have truly gained more and better things.

Emily, your story is beautiful, your heart is beautiful…  I am so grateful that you turned towards God, allowing Him to guide you to new friends, a deeper relationship with your husband, and a new career. 

Thank you for being bravely vulnerable and sharing your truth!

Fabulous one, if anything Emily wrote resonates with you, please tell her about it in the comments.

If you’d like to read Emily’s essay, “Reconciling Infertility and the Bible,” click here…

Want to inspire others & share your story?  Click here to find out how…

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Featured Photo: Created by me, using Canva

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1 comment

Mali March 29, 2021 - 11:06 pm

Emily, thank you for your story. I am so sorry you were met with such heartlessness and ignorance. And I am glad you have found your people, your career, your relationship, and yourself in the process of healing.


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