Our CNBC Stories: By Gay | Infertility / Childless Blog

As told to Brandi Lytle

Several months ago, I checked my email and found a CNBC Story submission in my in-box. I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating. I’m always extremely honored when someone trusts me and the Not So Mommy… community enough to share her story. To me, it is the highest compliment that someone would want her perspective published here. And Gay has a beautiful perspective about Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously. So, let me turn it over to Gay…

The Story of Gay . . .

Wobble Warning: Discussion of endometriosis, IVF, adoption, & more…

How did you become childless not by choice? (Infertility, chance, circumstance?)

Endo, Infertility, IVF…

I was a very happy university student, having the time of my life when one Sunday morning, I woke up in EXCRUTIATING pain in my lower right pelvic area. Two days & two doctors later, I ended up in the hospital emergency & then, in surgery having my right ovary & fallopian tube removed because an endometriosis cyst had burst. The endometriosis led to another surgery as soon as I stopped the pill in order for us to become pregnant. The pill & other medications were what I had to take to keep the endometriosis at bay. However, for obvious reasons, this interfered with getting pregnant. Scar tissue surrounding my fallopian tube prevented me from becoming pregnant naturally. I still had hope though – we could have a child of our own through IVF. This became my lifeline!

After two trials—one in 1986 & another in 1987–I knew that it was not going to happen. Having our own biological children was never, not ever, going to happen!

Surrogacy & Adoption…

I/We turned our efforts towards surrogacy & adoption. But as time went on, I knew in my heart that these options were not going to work for me. My husband was not truly on board with these options, especially adoption.

Can you imagine that the hour just before a social worker was to visit to see if we would be approved as adoptive parents, you are having the argument of your life because your husband refuses to fill in the paperwork? Well, that is what was happening to us. I was crushed & heartbroken & did not understand how he did not want to fulfill the same dream that I did. He did not want to adopt & in the end, our marriage crumbled. This was November 1990.

Though I thought I could never experience a heart-breaking pain worse than the realization with each failed IVF trial, this was equally as painful! I was crushed.

You are so much more than childless not by choice. Tell us about yourself!

A Mother by Nurture…

I call myself a Mother by Nurture, Not by Circumstance, as I am a wife, an aunt, a godmother, a stepmother, a businesswoman, an entrepreneur, a friend, a sister, & a daughter. On marriage number 2, I am very happily married. I have a very full life with my business, my family & now what I call my “Passion Project,” which is about my experience with infertility.

The World of Motherhood & Not Being a Part of It…

At 66-years-old, my mission is to help others, both women & men, to take an in-depth look into life. I want to inspire everyone who has experienced infertility to realize how incredible & magical life is. Encouraging a sense of belonging, purpose, and community among those living with the realities of infertility, I want to bring together voices from all over the world to champion “The World of Motherhood & Not Being a Part of It.”

My Business, My Story…

My business & my story are very intertwined because I hear so many other inspiring stories, from teammates all over the world, that they motivated me to share. As well, the mentoring & leadership that is provided to us, through my home-based business, consistently helps me to become a better leader, guiding light, friend, & teammate. Also, my business allows me the time to develop my personal story!

What roles are you redefining for yourself? and How are you redefining those roles?

Redefining since 39…

Since I am a little older & just “coming out,” I guess you could say that I have been redefining myself since the age of about 39. I want to bring my story to life so that I can inspire younger people, in a fun, warm, uplifting & attentive way to see into their future. Only once acceptance has happened can you move forward.

A New Me…

I redefined myself through my work, found my tribe, worked extensively through therapy to be happy with the person I saw in the mirror & accept that I am enough. Accepting that I would not be a mom in the traditional sense, I became a new me.

My Niece…

I am also extremely fortunate to have a very loving family & my niece, who is my Goddaughter, played an INCREDIBLY significant role in my healing. At the time, I did not realize it, but having her in my life as tightly as I did, along with her brother & my other nephews, made me feel significant in the eyes of children.

How are you Creating a New plan Bravely and Courageously?

My new plan was created years ago—it was & still is a work in progress. I find it interesting that at 66-years-old, I have chosen now to write, speak & touch others with my story.

Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously is not something that is done in one episode or chapter of life but is ongoing. The people who I spend my time with, those who I have met through my personal life & my business, have inspired me with their stories of struggle. Many have gone through life events so much worse than me & are telling their stories, living their truths, inspiring others, & building successful businesses. All of this helps so many others to realize that they can do it, too…… Despite what life had in store for them!! If they can do it, then so can I!

I have put my brave foot forward to share my story & want to show others how incredible life is.

Thank you, Gay…

Gay, THANK YOU for bravely sharing your truth! I must tell you… Your description “Mother by Nurture…” Well, when I read this, I was so overcome with emotion that tears immediately sprang to my eyes and my chest constricted, as my heart was overwhelmed. “Mother by Nurture…” That is such a perfect description and is exactly how I feel! I might just have to steal that little saying! I’ll make sure to give you the credit, though! So many hugs, fellow Mother by Nurture!

If anything Gay wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, please tell her about it in the comments…

Want to inspire others? Please, consider sharing your CNBC story! Click here for more information.

*I will not be accepting any new stories after December 2021. So, if you would like to share your story here at Not So Mommy…, please get in touch soon!