Childless Ramblings on Living Your Best Life…

by Brandi Lytle
Rock pathway winding towards the light on "Childless Ramblings on Living Your Best Life," on Not So Mommy..., an infertility & childless blog
Wobble Warning:  During these childless ramblings, I speak candidly about the world’s messages of family and kids and happiness.  I discuss hoping to have kids, treatment, adoption, and childlessness.  As always, my hope is to leave you feeling empowered by the end.  But there might be some wobbles along the way…

This series…  This “Living Your Best Life” Series…  It wasn’t planned.  In fact, when I wrote the initial blog about living your best life, I didn’t expect for it to turn into a series.  But inspiration struck.  And it keeps striking.  So, I’ll keep writing.  I’ll keep sharing my childless ramblings on living your best life…

Back in May…

In May, I was completely deflated.  Life had become so predictable.  Cleaning, cooking, working in the yard.  Aerials on Thursday, take-out pizza on Friday, nachos on Saturday, and Cracker Barrel delivered on Sunday.  Binging Netflix was our only source of entertainment.  We were bored.  And I was feeling hopelessly uninspired.

We needed a break…

We decided that we needed a break.  A change of scenery.  Something to shatter the monotony of it all.  So, at the beginning of June, we went to Florida.  We spent a couple of days in Miami, exploring the city.  Then, we made our way down Highway 1 to Key West.  It was there that we discovered we are, in fact, beach people.  (Prior to this trip, we truly thought we preferred big city adventures.)  It was there that we made some big decisions about our future.  It was there that I found my inspiration again…

A Facebook Party…

When we got home, I hosted a Norwex Facebook party.  A friend of mine had invited me to her party a few months before.  I was so impressed with the window cleaning cloths that I decided to host my own party.  As I read posts and watched videos, I became even more intrigued with these cleaning products.  I purchased over a hundred dollars’ worth of stuff and received even more because I hosted.  After I got my boxes of cleaning supplies, I began to deep clean our home—using my new Norwex items and water.

Reconsidering Traditional Messages…

As I wiped down my kitchen countertop with a damp kitchen cloth, my brain is still amazed that I can clean with just these cloths and water!  Even though I know these cloths work, part of me still feels like I should grab the spray bottle with cleaner and use it to disinfect my counters.  And then, I thought…

Why do I believe that this spray cleans better than these cloths?  Well, because my entire life, I’ve been inundated with messages that told me chemical cleaners are the best way to disinfect your home, the best way to stay clean and healthy.

But you know what?!  Chemical cleaners are not the only way to disinfect your home.  They are not the only way to stay clean and healthy.

And that got me to thinking about we childless…  About how we CNBC can live our best lives…  How we can live authentically…  How we can find our inspiration…

Childless Ramblings…

I told you that a friend of mine invited me to her Norwex party.  Though I was impressed with the window cleaning cloths, I was still skeptical about cleaning my kitchen and bathroom with water alone.  But I hosted my own party, I learned more, I tried more products, and I fell in love with a different way of cleaning.

This reminds me of those transitioning from “hoping to have kids” to “going to be forever childless.”  Those of us who’ve accepted (even embraced and/or redefined childless) invite them to check out what this different way of life is all about.  Though skeptical that it can be all that great, they read and listen and maybe even comment a bit…  Some decide to stick around and start using some of the new tools they’ve discovered.  Heck, sometimes they (we) even fall in love with aspects of this unexpected life!

But then our brains start thinking…

Can this childless life really be as great as the life of a parent?!  Should I keep hoping and trying for a kid?  Should I grab some of my old tools?  Another round of treatment…  Researching one more type of adoption…

Why do we believe that having kids is the path to happiness?  Well, because the world inundates us with messages that “family” (i.e., parents with kids) equals happiness and joy and blessings and hard work that is worth every bit of effort.

But you know what?!  Having a “family…”  Having kids…  This is not the only way to live our best lives.  This is not the only way to find our inspiration, our joy…

You know, I am fully embracing Norwex products.  I even bought the face and body cloths.  Yup.  I’m going to try to clean my own skin with just Norwex cloths and water.  No soap.  No cleansers.  And though my skin feels better, I’m still struggling to not grab the bodywash!

But I’ll retrain my brain about what it takes to get clean.  Just like I’ve retrained my brain about what family is.  (BTW, family does not have to include two-legged biological or adopted kids!)

Some Final Thoughts…

I’ve shared these childless ramblings to encourage you…

If you are feeling bored and uninspired, change up your routine.  Yes, we took a vacation.  But that’s not the only way to switch things up.  We also started making homemade pizza instead of getting take-out.  We haven’t had Cracker Barrel in weeks.  And I signed up for belly dancing lessons!

Do something that you wouldn’t normally do.  Like belly dancing!  (Oh, I’m a bit nervous about this adventure!)  Or accept the invite to the online party.  Honestly, I don’t usually accept invites to FB parties.  But I’m so glad I participated!  Because even changing something as ordinary as how I clean helped me breakthrough the tedious routine that had become my life.

Do not go back!  My brain tells me that I need to grab the chemical cleaner.  But that’s not true.  Just like it’s not true that the only path to genuine happiness is via traditional parenthood.  We just have to keep accepting, embracing, redefining…  And reminding ourselves that the world’s messages are not the only way…

Thanks for listening to my childless ramblings, fabulous one.

Hugs.  So many HUGS…

If any of my childless ramblings resonate, fabulous one, please tell us about it in the comments.
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2 comments

Lori July 18, 2022 - 5:07 pm

I am just like you… my story is a giant fibroid in front of my fallopian tubes that kept me from ever getting pregnant, and endometriosis. I had the fibroid removed, but was told I would have an extremely slim chance of ever getting pregnant. So I gave up. I have regrets that I didn’t actually try IVF, but between the costs and the emotional burden if it didn’t work out were more than I could handle. So here I am, childless and feeling empty. I have pondered adoption or fostering but it is not the same as your own biological child. The holidays are the worst… and Mother’s Day. I try to keep busy with work and travel. I don’t think it ever gets easy, but I see people with kids who seem depressed (especially single moms) and then I realize that you need to make yourself happy.

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Brandi Lytle July 20, 2022 - 11:52 am

Lori, I’m so sorry that you struggled through infertility due to endo and fibroids. Like you, I never tried IVF either. “The costs and emotional burden” were just too much for me, as well. Plus, IVF never felt quite right to me. I am sorry being childless has left you “feeling empty.” I hope you find your joy despite… Personally, I am more committed than ever to living my best life. Sending you loads of gentle hugs, fellow warrior…

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