Childless Holidays: Hope Builds Community

by Brandi Lytle
Photo of a clear Christmas ornament and a blue ornament sitting on the snow on Childless Holidays: Hope Builds Community on Not So Mommy..., a childless blog

On Monday, we talked about how to survive childless holidays.  (You can read that blog here.)  One strategy I suggested is to “find your tribe.”  I believe hope helps us find our tribe.  Because I believe hope builds community . . .

Hope Builds Community

How does hope build community?  Well, when we are honest & open about our struggles, when we find our purpose, and when we encourage one another, a vibrant, supportive community is built.  I have seen it happen here at Not So Mommy…, plus at Childless Christians (a closed Facebook group, of which I was an admin for 2 years).

We’ve discussed these three aspects of hope during the 2018 Childless Holidays Series.  In case you missed something, here are the blogs from this year’s “Finding & Spreading Hope” series…

Childless Holidays: 2018 Series Round-up

Finding & Spreading Hope – Series Intro

Photo of blue and clear Christmas ornaments sitting in snow on "Childless Holidays 2018: Finding & Spreading Hope - Series Intro" on Not So Mommy..., a childless blog

Now, I realize that hope is often a four-letter word to we childless not by choice.  As we try to accept that we will never have children of our own, hope can become our enemy.  So, if this word can be triggering for our CNBC community, why did I choose it to talk about during what has the potential to be the hardest month of the year for we childless?
[Read more…]



Be Honest & Open

Photo of a blue ornament and a clear ornament sitting in snow on HOPE - Be Honest & Open, Blog 1 of Childless Holidays 2018 Series on Not So Mommy...

In order to find hope, I believe we must be Honest and Open about our struggles.  In other words, the H in HOPE stands for Honest and the O stands for Open. [Read more…]




Find Your Purpose

Phot of a blue ornament and clear ornament on HOPE: Find Your Purpose on Childless Holidays 2018 Series on Not So Mommy...

For we childless not by choice, finding purpose can be a struggle.  After all, we thought our purpose was going to be taking care of the littles that we so desperately wanted.  Our purpose was to be a parent.  When that doesn’t happen, many of us struggle to find the purpose, the meaning of our life.  If we are to find and spread hope, however, I truly believe we must find our purpose. [Read more…]



Encourage One Another

Photo of a blue ornament and a clear ornament sitting in snow on Childless Holidays: HOPE - Encourage One Another on Not So Mommy...

The E in HOPE…  Well, it stands for “Encourage one another.”  Because life is hard.  And a childless life…  It comes with its own unique set of challenges. [Read more…]




Yes, hope builds community.

Photo of a clear glass ornament & a blue ornament sitting in the snow on To find and spread hope... on Not So Mommy..., a childless blog


So, the kind of hope I’m talking about indeed builds community.  It’s not the “don’t give up,” “it will happen,” “just believe” kind of hope.  No, I’m talking about the kind of hope that is brave enough to be honest and open about real life struggles.  The kind of hope that finds purpose, in spite of the fact that life is turning out differently than we expected.  The kind of hope that encourages others even though we may be struggling ourselves.  Yes, that hope builds community.

So, let’s find hope and spread hope this holiday season and always, fabulous ones.  That way, we can do more than survive.  With hope that builds community, we can thrive!


If anything I wrote resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

One of my goals is to spread hope to the Not So Mommy… community.  Subscribe to my email and receive encouragement straight to your inbox!

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Featured Photo:  Ylanite Koppens on

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Nicole R December 1, 2019 - 12:03 am

I love your blog so much it helps alot reading it I’m childless not by choice I’ve suffered multiple miscarriages without ever getting an answer from doctors as to why. I’ve been though multiple tests still nothing. I just tell myself daily that God has other plans for my life. Trying to deal with the fact that I won’t be able to have a child is very sad and heartbreaking I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this struggle I turly feel bad for all of us childless not by choice. We all need to stay positive and strong. God bless everyone.

Brandi Lytle December 2, 2019 - 10:20 am

Nicole, I am so sorry for your losses. The grief of childlessness is “very sad and heartbreaking,” as you said. Despite the circumstances, I am grateful that you are here, finding community with others who truly get it. Thank you for reading and commenting. God bless you. And HUGS…

Barbara January 3, 2019 - 2:08 pm

Thank you. I totally respect and admire what you are doing for others. Your ability to be honest and vulnerable coupled with your talent for articulating your thoughts and feelings in writing is a true gift to all!

Brandi Lytle January 4, 2019 - 12:48 pm

You brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for your sweet, sweet compliments! 🙂

Barbara January 2, 2019 - 10:22 pm

I have been telling my husband I want to travel every year during the holidays. I mostly just want to avoid them. I keep thinking I just need to travel a lot bc it’s something I wouldn’t do with kids. Thank you for your very relatable words on holidays and baby showers/announcements and everything challenging. I always feel like people think I’m just bitter, but after my ectopic pregnancy last year, I literally couldn’t be in the same room with a pregnant woman without my anxiety going through the roof! Reading your words makes me feel less crazy and alone. ?

Brandi Lytle January 3, 2019 - 12:06 pm

Oh, the anxiety! It is awful and something those who haven’t been through an infertility/childless struggle often cannot understand or relate to. I am humbled that my blogs helped you “feel less crazy and alone.” Honestly, I’ve been feeling a little of both lately. So, your words helped me feel a bit less crazy and alone, too! Thank you! 🙂


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