On Being Childless: A flippant comment caused a wobble…

by Brandi Lytle
Photo of a paint brush with blue paint dripping down a woman's hand on "A flippant comment caused a wobble..." on Not So Mommy..., an infertility & childless blog

Wobble Warning:  Real talk about a flippant comment that caused me to wobble.  As always, my goal is to leave you empowered by the end.  But, please, only read if you are feeling strong enough to navigate a potential wobble.

On 16 September 2023—the 6th day of World Childless Week 2023—the #IAmMe photo gallery was shared on the WCW website.  I submitted an #IAmMe photo, as it’s one of my favorite parts of WCW.  And I shared this photo via Not So Mommy… Facebook & Instagram.  I also shared my #IAmMe photo on my personal Facebook page.  And I shared it in person with someone I love.

Me:  It’s World Childless Week and today, we share #IAmMe photos.  It’s really empowering to see all these childless warriors’ photos displayed in one place.  Here’s mine.  It’s just a random…”

And I was cut off…

The flippant comment…

N:  Yeah, it’s not a very good picture.

Me: (Confused, befuddled…)  Oh, I love this photo.

N:  Really?

The wobble…

I was so thrown off that I started rambling.  But I couldn’t find the right words.  I couldn’t explain why I love this photo so, so much.  Because I was so wobbly that my mind went blank.  In fact, I started second-guessing my choice of photo.  And worrying…

I mean, this photo is on the World Childless Week #IAmMe gallery page.  Thousands of people visit the WCW website.  I shared this photo via Not So Mommy… social.  Not So Mommy… has thousands of followers on Facebook and Instagram.  Did I proudly share a “not very good picture?!”

Discreetly, I asked my hubby if he saw my #IAmMe photo on Facebook.  And I asked him if he thought it was a good picture.

Yes, he had.  Yes, he thought it was.

I told him what N had said.  He just scoffed at her comment.  To him, I need not give this flippant comment another thought.  It was preposterous!

But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Questioning if I was right…  Or was she right?

After contemplating the flippant comment…

After several days, I ultimately decided that I’m right.

Why do I adore this photo?!  Well…

WCW 2023 #IAmMe photo of Brandi Lytle, founder & owner of Not So Mommy..., an infertility & childless blogBecause my make-up is light and dewy.  I have messy hair, don’t care.  I’m wearing no jewelry and a dress Dane gave me. The dress is pink!  Honestly, this is my beach vibe.  And the beach has become one of my favorite places.

Real Talk.

It’s NOT a perfect photo.

But it is a good photo.

You know…  Not to sound conceited or anything, but…

It is a BEAUTIFUL photo!

 

Like our childless journey…

Isn’t this like our childless journey?

We find the beauty, the bright sides, the joy despite…  We begin bravely and boldly to share our story…

And then…

A flippant comment.

“You’ll never know true love until you have a child.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t understand!  You don’t have kids!”

“Ha!  I wish I could sleep in.  But I’m a busy mom!”

And we wobble.  We second-guess.  I mean, is our childless life good?

We reach out to other childless warriors and ask…

Is my childless life a good life?

And hopefully…  Oh, how I pray that you come to this conclusion…

YES!  Our childless lives are most definitely good!

Real Talk.

Our childless lives are NOT perfect.

But they are good.

Actually, I’m going to go a step farther…

Our childless lives are freakin’ BEAUTIFUL!

You know why?

Because we have found the beauty.

We don’t need to cover our scars and imperfections by tons of make-up.

There is no need to fix our hair and make sure everything is just so.

No need to add jewelry.

We are beautiful.

Just the way we are.

Imperfectly perfect.

Fabulously flawed.

And don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise!

I love you, fabulous ones.

So Many HUGS…

If anything I wrote resonates with you, please tell us about it in the comments.  (You can put your name as an initial if you’d like to remain anonymous.)

View the complete World Childless Week 2023 #IAmMe Gallery by clicking here…

Read more of my thoughts about the flippant, not-so-helpful comments people make to the childless…

Photo of a woman holding a sweater over her mouth on "Not So Helpful: Things You Shouldn't Say to the Childless - Series Round-up" on Not So Mommy..., a childless blog

Click to read…

Do you appreciate the work I’m doing here…

Photo of an olive green heart on "Would you please donate?" on Not So Mommy..., an infertility & childless not by choice blog

Click to learn more…

Featured Photo:  Created by me, using Canva

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2 comments

Lizzy September 29, 2023 - 3:21 pm

Thanks so much for this . All those flippant comments . I think I’ve had all of them and they hurt. Thanks for sharing and yes it is a great photo 🥰.

Reply
Brandi Lytle October 3, 2023 - 11:37 am

I’m so sorry you’ve been the recipient of these hurtful flippant comments, too. I’m so grateful for our supportive childless community, which offers lots of love & encouragement to help us through the wobbles. I appreciate your validation that my #IAmMe photo is a good one! Sending you so many hugs, fellow warrior!

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