Assumptions & Hurt Feelings: The Difficulties of Sharing Our Story…

I recently made assumptions about someone and hurt her feelings.  To be fair, this was completely unintentional on my part.  She left out important details, which caused me to arrive at an incorrect conclusion.  She expected me to ask questions if I didn’t understand something.  The problem was, I didn’t realize that I didn’t understand…

Needless to say, the entire miscommunication left me feeling like an uncaring person, oblivious to the needs of others.  Perhaps I should have asked her more questions, gotten to know her a bit more, rather than making assumptions.  I take responsibility for my part in the hurt feelings.

This situation also makes me realize, however, how important it is to be transparent with people.  As I said, I never meant to hurt this person.  In fact, I shed several tears over the fact that I caused her pain.  I know what it feels like to be misunderstood, and I would never make anyone else feel that way on purpose.

But I have to give myself a bit of grace…  Because, if I’m being fair to myself, I have to remember that she didn’t tell me…

So, as I said before, we must be transparent.  And for us, the childless not by choice, that means telling others that we are, in fact, childless.  Does that mean you tell everyone you meet?  Probably not.  (Unless you are like me and are at the point of sharing with the world…)  But I do encourage you to tell someone…

If you have never shared before, perhaps that means you find a private, closed Facebook group where everyone is childless.

Perhaps it means you share an anonymous comment on a blog like this one.  Or if you feel a bit braver, you could use your first name.

Perhaps it means you find a group—live and in person—to talk about your feelings with other people face-to-face.

Or perhaps it simply means that you tell your close friends and family who still do not know that you are childless not by choice.

Once you get further along in your journey, I bet you’ll become comfortable telling more and more people about your childlessness.  You may even decide to share your story here at Not So Mommy…

Becoming more open is scary, though.  There are those who don’t understand, who will judge, who will make insensitive (even mean) comments.  But, in order to find support, we must share.  So, I encourage you (when you feel ready) to talk about your journey.  In my experience, the support outweighs the judgment (especially if you are cognizant about who you talk with, what you tell them, and how you share).  Plus, sharing helps others to not make incorrect assumptions…

But if I ever do say something that hurts you, please know that it is not intentional.  I feel deeply, I overthink everything, I analyze too much…  I try my best to be sensitive and kind…  But I am human.  Mistakes will inevitably be made.  And when I make one (unintentional or not), all I can do is say, “I’m sorry.”  I promise I’ll learn from it, I’ll try to do better in the future…  And despite some tears, I’ll keep sharing…

Photo Credit:  Jack Moreh on Freerange