Anne’s CNBC Story

As told to Brandi Lytle

Well, I’m going to introduce you to another fabulous lady that I met via Instagram–Anne, blogger at “Living in the Midst.”  But before I do that, let me just say… 

If you aren’t taking advantage of the amazing childless not by choice community over at IG, you need to check it out!  Like NOW!  You can connect with me here and Anne here.  We’ll wait why you take a moment to do that…

Okay!  Now that you are followers on Insta, let me turn it over to Anne to share how she is Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously…

The Story of Anne . . .

How did you become childless not by choice?  (Infertility, chance, circumstance?)

The Short Answer…

Infertility

The Longer Answer…

I assumed we’d get pregnant quickly. That seemed to be how it worked for everyone around us. But, I was at an advanced maternal age and it wasn’t happening as quickly as I had hoped. We decided next step would be blood work and clomid. No problem. However, on the off chance that it was something bigger, my husband and I came to the decision that we would not seek further treatment. We weren’t going to try IVF or any other alternative solutions to getting pregnant. I was clear that I would trust my body to tell me the next step and when my body revealed my very low egg count, as hard as it was, I trusted those results.

I only recently discovered the Childless Not By Choice community and that phrase doesn’t seem to quite fit because we did have a choice. We could have gotten an egg donor. We could have adopted. We did have some choices, and still do, but neither of those choices were right for us. Maybe Childless By Choice But It’s Way More Complicated Than That fits better, but CBCBIWMCTT would be hard to remember 😉

You are so much more than childless.  Tell us about yourself!

A woman of many hobbies…

I have a ridiculous amount of hobbies!

I started a small quilting business after completing my Masters of Divinity degree because I didn’t know what to do with all my free time — clearly, I like to be busy. I make t-shirt and other memory quilts, as well as more traditional quilts for family and friends.

I run and, assuming all goes to plan, I will complete my 20th half marathon in 2020.

I practice yoga regularly and find it supports me physically, emotionally and spiritually in so many ways.

I am a writer, too. I started blogging in 2016 when I was on sabbatical from youth ministry and have continued writing about ordinary moments that are often quite extraordinary, as well as sharing about my infertility journey. This writing has led me to start thinking about writing a book, with the focus on choosing not to seek alternative solutions when faced with challenging circumstances.

A wife, dog mom, aunt…

My husband and I, married in 2015, are beginning to make sense of what our life looks like without children. We have two dogs — Denali is an elderly husky who I have had since she was nine weeks old and Steve is a young, rambunctious chocolate lab still very much in his puppy stage! We have seven nieces and nephews who bring so much joy and love to our lives. I’m often thanking my brothers and other in-laws for the gift they’ve given me. One of my nieces always makes sure to tell me she loves me on every phone call we have — that’s enough to get me through the next hard moment I face.

A former youth minister…

I was a youth minister for thirteen years, so I feel like I have a lot of kids — many of whom are all grown up with families of their own. It’s been hard watching them enter into that stage of life when it isn’t possible for me. However, I’m always clear that just because I’m sad for me doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you — it’s both/and.

What roles are you redefining for yourself? and How are you redefining those roles?

The Role of Aunt…

Aunt is a role that I’m taking very seriously, especially for my brother’s four girls. Although I enjoyed spending time with my aunts over the holidays as a kid, I didn’t have a close, confidant-type relationship with any of them. I think technology, especially FaceTime, has really changed the way we relate to each other, allowing me to connect with my nieces even at their young ages. I want them to trust me and turn to me when life is challenging at home. I want them to know they are loved completely, just as they are, and that I’m on their side. I never knew how important this role would be to me until I realized I would not be a mom.

The Role of Youth Minister…

As a youth minister, I had the opportunity to walk alongside students from sixth-twelfth grade as a mentor, friend, and spiritual leader. Every now and then, there would be a student who called me “mom” and I loved it. To them, I was a trusted adult who loved and supported them through many different stages of adolescence. I had no idea when I started that work how meaningful it would be to me for so many different reasons. Even as they grow and move on, we will always have a bond and that brings me so much joy.

Although neither of these roles replaces motherhood, they do help ease the pain a bit.

The Role of Woman…

Finally, I think I’m redefining the role of woman — I always thought being a woman was equal to being a mother. Yes, I have mother-like qualities, but I am not a mom. I have two dogs that I sometimes treat like children, but they are not my children. So, what does it mean to be a woman that doesn’t procreate? It means I find other ways to bring life into the world — through my creative endeavors, through my relationships, through my family. I birth new life all the time — creating quilts out of old clothes, creating essays out of piles of words, creating beauty in flower beds, creating poses with my body. Our Creator made me (and all of us!) to be a creator — I am a woman who creates life.

Have you figured out your Plan B?  If so, what is it?!

An ongoing discovery…

I think this will be an ongoing discovery. I knew early on that I would most likely want to share my story more broadly; however, I wanted to wait until I knew more of the story… I wanted to see how it would end. I soon realized that wasn’t possible. My life is ever growing and evolving. To wait to see how my infertility journey ended would mean waiting until death and that just didn’t make sense. 😉

Enjoying the what is…

So, I’m doing my best to enjoy the life I’ve been given. I appreciate quiet moments for reading and writing. I appreciate open mornings to go for a run. I appreciate extra funds to go on vacation. I appreciate opportunities to spoil our nieces and nephews. I appreciate lots of space to discover who I am outside the definitions I was expecting to fulfill. I appreciate my life, which is not something I expected to write two-and-a-half years ago. Needless to say, despite the grief and hard days, I am grateful.

Working on friendships…

I think the most challenging part that I wasn’t expecting is the difficulty with friendships and infertility. So many of our friends have children. They can’t just drop what they’re doing and meet me for a drink or dinner. Usually, they have to plan ahead and, although I do love a good plan!, I miss that fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants planning we did in our twenties, before children were in the picture. I thought I’d be able to do the same now that I’m without children, but it’s not as easy as I anticipated. Maintaining, developing, and discovering friendships has been a major struggle as part of this journey. This is part of my Plan B that I need to work on next!

Anne, thank you for bravely sharing your heart and your truth!  I love your vulnerability and your honesty in stating that you are still figuring it all out…  You are one fabulous lady!  (And Anne, I think my hubby and I might be a bit CBCBIWMCTT, too…  😉 )

Fabulous one, I encourage you to check out Anne’s blog, “Living in the Midst,” here…

If anything Anne wrote resonates with you, please tell her about it in the comments.

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Featured Photo:  Created by me, using Canva