As told to Brandi Lytle
After posting that I was accepting “Our Stories” for 2021, I received an email from Amber. I am always humbly honored when a fabulous one trusts me and this community enough to bravely share her truth. As I read Amber’s words, my heart ached for the struggle she and her husband battled through…
Let me turn it over to Amber, telling her CNBC Story in her words…
The Story of Amber . . .
SENSITIVE POST WITH POSSIBLE TRIGGERS: Discussion of TTC, infertility, failed adoption, childlessness, and more…
On Becoming Childless Not By Choice…
Love, Marriage, and…
I met my husband on a blind date in 2008. On 13 December 2014, we married. In April 2015, after our honeymoon was over, we decided to stop birth control and try to get pregnant. After one year of trying, we decided to add more supplements and track my ovulation better by taking my temperature, checking my discharge, peeing on ovulation sticks… Everything seemed fine. I did have quite a bit of pain, however, during my ovulation time and my periods were getting more painful.
Doctors and Tests…
In the summer of 2017, I had a very sharp pain in my lower left abdominal area. My doctor found a large hemorrhagic cyst. During removal, the doctor told me that I was filled with endometriosis and suggested my husband and I see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. After tons of blood draws and tests, we found out that my Fallopian tubes were blocked, my husband’s sperm count was low, and my ovarian reserve was that of a 60-year-old.
We saw several top notch REs, who all told us the same thing–if we wanted to get pregnant through IVF, it was less than a 5% chance of it working and I would be at a high risk of miscarriage. We couldn’t do surrogacy due to my lack of eggs and my husband’s sperm, and I did not want to adopt an embryo or use someone else’s egg and sperm. I wanted our own biological child.
Adoption…
After a year of dealing with our grief of not being able to have [biological] children, we decided on adoption. Many fundraisers and garage sales later, we were lined up with a potential birth mom. After the baby was born, she kept it. We lost almost $25,000.
Not long after that, we had another failed adoption where the boyfriend of the mother was assaulting her and ended up terminating the pregnancy.
Our hearts could not take it anymore.
On Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously…
After much thought, therapy, many tears, and lots of tequila, we decided it best for ourselves to become childless not by choice. Finding many couples in similar situations on social media helped us not feel so alone and scared to begin this journey that wasn’t in our original plan. After finally coming to a decision that we would not be parents, it was a huge relief to us. No more worrying.
We travel often, donate to charities, spend time with our nieces and nephews, and we recently bought our dream home in the country on a huge piece of land. Although it’s taken a long time for us to get to where we are mentally, we have never been happier and more in love with each other.
Amber, I love the strength and joy found in your final words! Your story truly exemplifies how CNBC can evolve from the heartache of becoming Childless Not By Choice to the happiness of Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously.
THANK YOU for being valiantly vulnerable, sharing your story of letting go, of finding joy despite…
Fabulous one, if anything Amber wrote resonates with you, please tell her about it in the comments.
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2 comments
My Husband and I stand you cnbc sister, we understand all too well. we are glad you and your Husband are thriving in spite of what was stacked against you both. your story gave us hope about our situation that well be fine without children even in the times when we cry and it hurts but we keep pressing on the Lord gives us strength and we pray God continues to bless cover and protect you both. Thank you.
Amber, I’m so sorry for what you have been through. But your story of courage and love is, well, lovely. I know a lot of women worry about losing their partners due to infertility, and I know one or two who have, but I’ve also seen so many cases where the relationship has strengthened and deepened, like yours.