By telling my story of embracing infertility and redefining what momhood means to me, I hope to inspire others to be their authentic selves and live this imperfectly perfect life.
Hey, fabulous one! I am so glad that you found Not So Mommy…! I’m Brandi Lytle and to describe myself is, well… complicated. One thing is for sure, though. My life has not turned out the way that I planned.
On a professional note…
Brandi never imagined she’d be the founder of Not So Mommy…, an infertility and childless not by choice blog. Voted one of the Top 10 Best Infertility Blogs in 2019 & 2020 and named the Most Compassionate Childless-Not-By-Choice Mental Wellness & Support Platform in 2021 by Health, Beauty, & Wellness Awards, Not So Mommy… is a multi-platform global community.
A PLICA (Perinatal Loss & Involuntary Childlessness Alliance) Ambassador, member of the Tutum Journal Editorial Team, part of the Pregnantish Verified Network, supporter of the positive affirmation CANBACE, and creator of the olive green Childless Not By Choice Awareness Ribbon, Brandi strives to support, educate, and advocate for our infertility and childless communities.
A featured writer during World Childless Week 2017 & 2021, virtual assistant & presenter for the We Are Worthy Summit 2018, and partner with Tutum Global on Owning Our Voice during National Infertility Awareness Week 2021, Brandi has shared her story on over a dozen blogs & websites and numerous podcasts & webinars.
A former teacher of 17 years, Brandi has a Bachelor of Arts in Spanish Education and a Master of Arts in Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL). Thus, she is a language person and believe words have power. Because of this, at Not So Mommy…, Brandi explores what it means to accept, embrace, and redefine as an infertile, menopausal, childless, endo warrior.
On a personal note…
A wife, dog mom, aunt, host mom, Brandi is redefining what momhood means to her, striving to focus on the bright sides of being childless. Her hope is to help others as they accept what is…, inspiring them to embrace and redefine—discovering a Plan B that brings them joy!
On an even more personal note…
WOBBLE WARNING: Discussion of wanting to be a mom, infertility treatments, and more…
An Oklahoma girl, I always thought I’d be just a good ol’ fashioned Mom, with two kids, a husband, a dog, and a cat, living in my traditional house. Heck, even as a little girl, I toted my Cabbage Patch Kid around in a carrier on my chest. But life took me on a different journey.
I live in South Carolina with my hubby, Dane, and I am definitely not a traditional Mom.
After 10 years of trying to have a baby and seven failed infertility treatments, Dane told me that he didn’t want to keep trying…
Mind you, he knows that I am a perfectionist who desires to make decisive decisions (and stick with them) and very much dislike change. So, the fact that I had always wanted to be a mom, but now it seemed that dream was dead… Well, it turned my whole world upside down.
As I started trying to figure out who I was going to be now and what this new life was going to look like, I felt like such an outcast. I didn’t think there was anyone else in the world like me–a dog mom, an aunt, a wife, a teacher name Profe, an infertile woman with a hole in her heart that just couldn’t seem to be filled….
I was alone. That’s the thing about infertility–it can be all-consuming and make you feel so alone. Even as I reached out to other infertile women, I didn’t find comfort. All their stories seemed to end the same way—a pregnancy, an adoption, a baby. My story would not end that way….
And so, I had to redefine myself. Of course, I’m still a dog mom, an aunt, a wife. Although I no longer teach, I’m still a Profe to all those kids I taught for 17 years. And although I’m still an infertile woman, it no longer seems like the worst thing in the world. I’m also a blogger, entrepreneur, introvert, and still a perfectionist. And I’m even a Mom, just not in the traditional sense. I had to redefine that word for myself, too.
I had to discover how to live my imperfectly perfect life.
And even though I am too sensitive and telling my story opens me up to criticism, I feel strongly that I must tell it. In my heart of hearts, I know that someone (maybe you?) needs to hear this story. So, I will risk judgment to help that struggling person not feel so alone.
Even if you aren’t infertile or struggling or alone, I hope that reading about my life, my story, my journey helps you to live your imperfectly perfect life even more fully.
Take the risk. Redefine you.
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10 comments
So happy to have found this! I may spend all day reading to catch up! 🙂 I felt like I had reached full acceptance as we are almost 4 years post TTC but my little sister is about to make my an aunt and the emotional roller coaster is close to flying off the tracks. Thank you for sharing!
Oh, Nicole! Those unexpected triggers that cause emotional wobbles are so difficult. (Especially when we feel we’ve made it to full acceptance…) Please, be gentle with yourself as you navigate this new aspect of your journey. I’ve found “p” announcements continue to be difficult for me. The wobble doesn’t last as long anymore, though. I’m not sure if you’ve read “So, I had a wobble,” but I think it would be one that resonates strongly with you. I’m always here if you need a listening ear. Please, feel free to email me anytime. Despite the circumstances, I am so grateful that you are a part of this community! So many hugs…
Hi everyone..from sunny South Africa..today while on facebook I searched just for someone/something just to see if there to is other women like me..i stumbled across your page and wow just what i needed..New year and yes i am again not pregnant..almost 31 no medical reason(so far)not get pregnant..i am surrounded by pregnant wome..somedays are just terrible..yet i trust in God and the journey
I’m so glad that you found my blog! Yes, there are definitely other women like you, childless and trusting God’s plan… Praying you find peace and joy in the journey this 2018!
Hi Brandi,
I found your blog today and feel like you have written it just for me! My husband and I decided to end our pursuit of parenthood about a year ago and I have been struggling to adjust the picture in my head of what our future looks like. As an elementary school teacher I am immersed in a world of moms and pregnancies and often feel isolated. Thank you for sharing your story so people like me are reminded we aren’t alone!
Kathryn, I’m so sorry you had to join our childless club, but I am very happy that you found our community. 🙂 There are lots of us out there, but it often feels like we are so alone in this journey. Always know that you can find inspiration and support here! Hugs to you!
I’m so glad I found your blog!
Awww! Thank you! 🙂
So awesome!
Thank you, Judy!