Written by me and my mama…
My mom has always been my strongest supporter. She was (and is) there for everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly (as my dad used to say). For as long as I can remember, she has encouraged me to follow my heart and pursue my dreams.
So, when I told her that I was starting a blog about my infertility journey, it was no surprise that she was the first person to sign up for my emails and started commenting from day one. What did surprise me, however, is that she wanted to write a blog for my site. I don’t know why because I get my writing skills from her. Of course, I eagerly accepted her request to write her perspective and that evening, this was in my email….
From My Mom’s Perspective . . .
Where do I begin? I wanted to share the experience of being the mom of a childless not by choice daughter. Let me start at the beginning.
My baby girl was beautiful, smart, precocious, and independent. I knew at age 4 that she would be a teacher. How, you ask? Well, when you go into your child’s room and see all the dolls and stuffed animals lined up in rows, pencils and paper in front of each of them, with “teacher” front and center expounding, it’s pretty well a given. And this happened daily.
As she grew into adulthood, graduated college, and fell in love, that dream became reality. Along with the career that she loved came the want, deep in her soul, of having a child – 2 children to be exact. My girl was and is a planner. She and her husband designed and built a home with two bedrooms lovingly planned, painted and ready for the children.
God had other plans.
But God had other plans. They realized medical help was needed, so she went through infertility treatments. Grueling, invasive, drug infused treatments. And each month she would pray…. And each month the answer was no.
I tried so hard to be supportive without being intrusive. I love my daughter and her husband without reservation. I wanted so much for them to be happy. At that point, all that would make my daughter happy was to become pregnant.
Do not presume to say, “I understand; I know what you feel like,” because you don’t.
Well, let me give you some advice. Do not presume to say, “I understand; I know what you feel like,” because you don’t. You were able to conceive and have a child. There is no possible way you can fully feel the depth of pain that is felt. So basically, all you can do is give the gift of unconditional love. Listen when she needs to talk, cry, or rant. Listen when her friends one by one become pregnant and have a child. Be there when an announcement is made at a family gathering that brings her to her knees and no one seems to understand. Basically, be there when she falls.
Time marches on…
And through the pain and heartache, time marches on. If you are blessed as I am to have a daughter who has completely given herself to her Lord and Savior, the answer will finally come. She will embrace the life of a wife, daughter, dog mom, aunt, and host mom. She will count her many blessings and focus on the positive. She will come out stronger and more confident, loving and radiant than ever before.
I stand in awe of her strength and courage. I am her mom, and I could not be prouder of the person she is now, sharing her journey with others so that they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Her light is strong, and I am grateful. My girl is back!
I cannot thank my mom enough for her beautiful words. She made me smile, cry, and smile again. I love you, Mama. To the moon…