As told to Brandi Lytle
Trigger Warning: Zoe did eventually get the desired outcome of a little; however, in this post, she focuses on the struggles she went through during her infertility battle and offers encouragement to those who have also endured this pain.
Initially when Zoe, of ThinkBaby, asked about writing guest blogs, I thought she had mistaken me for a mommy blog. To be courteous, I wrote her back, explaining that Not So Mommy… is a childless blog and because of that, I wasn’t sure that we could collaborate.
Honestly, I was surprised when Zoe wrote me again. She explained that she had struggled with infertility and wanted to start an “Inspirational Fertility Stories” section on her blog. She asked if I would be interested in sharing my story with her readers. Because one of my goals is to raise awareness about infertility and being childless not by choice, I thought sharing my story on a mommy blog would be an ideal way to accomplish this.
So, I agreed to share and wrote “On Being a Mom: A Childless Woman’s Perspective.” (You can read my story on ThinkBaby’s “Inspirational Fertility Stories” page. Please, keep in mind this is a mommy blog. I’m linking directly to the page with my story in an effort to minimize possible triggers. Click here if you’d like to read my blog post.)
Of course, I asked Zoe if she’d like to share at Not So Mommy… Because she got the little, hers is not a CNBC story. Good Things Stories are open for everyone, however. In fact, I describe them as “A place for all, fellow childless not by choice and those who support us, to inspire one another by sharing a good thing that helped you find joy after struggle.”
Zoe was grateful for the opportunity to share part of her story. Here is how she found strength through infertility…
What difficulty were you struggling with?
I remember the day my life truly changed. It wasn’t when I first met my husband. It wasn’t our beautiful wedding or even buying our first little house. This was something I never anticipated, a nightmare of which I could not seem to wake up from. I look back now, as it was almost exactly 8 years ago that I found out I had fallen victim to every aspiring to-be mother’s worst fear: infertility.
My husband and I had just had our sweet little wedding, and we were both incredibly eager to start a family. I knew more than anything, with how much we both loved kids, that we were going to be such fantastic parents. I pictured us like every happy couple you see on TV, like the kind they write those sappy love stories about–the “ideal” family of two parents and two kids. More than anything in the world, I wanted that. But I never once considered the chance that we wouldn’t get to that point.
Infertility – gosh, I cringe at that word. There’s so much anger and pain associated with it that so many people will never understand (and I truly hope they don’t). I remember going to appointments for weeks focused around increasing my chance to conceive, but nothing ever seemed to change. I tried acupuncture, but nothing came of this, and I honestly just felt like I was wasting my time. It was nearly 3 years down the line of endless trying when I went to the doctors one last time. This appointment truly set me over the edge. I was told, “Some women just aren’t able to conceive,” and “We have to be realistic about the situation.”
But I didn’t write this post to upset.
What good thing (no matter how big or small) helped you to start focusing on the positive?
While this period of my life was truly the hardest I’ve ever had to go through and tested every, last bit of my strength, rather than let my infertility define me, I decided to redefine it, and embrace everything that it was.
What would you like to say to others who are going through the same struggle that you have overcome (or are in the process of overcoming)?
I tell this part of my story because I want struggling women to have someone to relate to if they are going through this, as well. Infertility is such a scarring, embarrassing, and disappointing time for us. We are constantly confused, depressed, and questioning ourselves in everything – trust me, I know. I was honored to be given the chance to be a guest on this beautiful blog and share a part of my story, as I feel women that have gone through this or are going through this need to rise-up and share their courageous stories.
Infertility completely altered the course of my life, my relationships, and my thoughts on the world. It has also defined the woman and the mother that I am today. And that is something I would not change for the world.
Thank you for sharing a difficult and painful part of your past, Zoe. As a childless not by choice woman, I am grateful to those who received the little, but don’t forget about the struggle it took to get there, realizing that not all end the infertility journey where they wanted…
Also, thank you for reminding us to “rise-up and share [our] courageous stories.” I couldn’t agree more!
So, fabulous ones, will you take Zoe’s advice and share your story? Click here to learn how…
If anything Zoe or I wrote resonates with you, we’d love to hear about it in the comments…
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Featured Photo: Xochi Romero on StockSnap.io