As told to Brandi Lytle
Finding a fellow warrior’s CNBC story in my email is always a lovely surprise. I’m still amazed that fabulous ones trust me (and this community) enough to share their truth, their hearts… So, when I received Hayley’s message, telling me that she wanted to share, I was honored that she chose Not So Mommy… I love how Hayley is redefining, how she is Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously. So, let me turn it over to Hayley…
The Story of Hayley . . .
SENSITIVE POST WITH POSSIBLE TRIGGERS…
How did you become childless not by choice?
After 4 years of trying, my husband found out that he is infertile. We don’t have the money to explore other options, and honestly, those options just didn’t speak to us. We decided to focus on our marriage rather than trying to get pregnant or adopt.
You are so much more than childless not by choice. Tell us about yourself!
I’m in my early thirties. I went to school for music and enjoy playing piano, guitar, and ukulele. Recently, I started oil painting. I love my two dogs and two cats. Plus, I am training to run a half marathon this year.
What roles are your redefining for yourself?
I feel like it’s less about “redefining a role.” To me, it’s about finding out who I really am. Not being a mother didn’t change my core self–I’m still here, somewhere under the grief.
How are you Creating a New plan Bravely & Courageously?
Remember the Trigger Warning. Mention of little’s room & more… If you are feeling strong enough, however, I encourage you to keep reading. Because how Hayley is redefining & creating is absolutely incredible!
We decided that we didn’t want to sit around and pine for a life we couldn’t have. I don’t want to waste away on a couch. We started saving money for trips. Next Spring, we are visiting a country in Europe that I’ve always wanted to visit. Why not? I’m here to LIVE.
Room for friends…
One of the most therapeutic things I’ve done for myself in the last year was redesign two rooms in our home. One room, the designated “dining room,” sat unused. It felt like a ghost room that contained a dining table and chairs that we will never be able to fill. So, I gave the table & chairs to a friend and told my husband to come up with a better use for this room. Eight months later, we have a beautiful home bar that my husband made himself! Now, our friends come over every weekend to hang out at our bar. What a great transformation of a room!
Room to build…
The second room in our house was harder… It was the “baby room.” Over the years, it became a catch-all for things we didn’t want to look at–the cats’ litter boxes, old furniture, stuff piled into the closet. After doing an art activity with friends, I realized how much I enjoy painting. So, I cleaned out that room and it is now my “art studio.” I’m learning to paint with oils, and I am amazed at how much I’m letting go of the past. It never truly leaves, but it has gotten a bit easier. It is freeing to walk into that room now and see an art studio–something that builds me up–instead of the baby’s room–something that tore me down.
Have you figured out your Plan B? If so, what is it?!
I am slowly figuring it out. My husband and I have decided on a “ten-year plan.” After ten years, all of our current fur babies will have passed on, and we can sell our too-big house and downsize to a 2-bedroom cabin. In the woods. With a fireplace and a nice porch. We will save money for trips all over the world–wherever we want to go. And I can paint, and run, and cook good food, and read good books.
I guess I’ll see how it goes.
And isn’t that all any of us can do?! See how it goes…
Hayley, your story makes me smile! I love, love, love that you have redefined spaces in your home to fit your current life. And I love, love, love that you have a TEN-year plan! It is inspiring that you and your husband are so fully embracing what is…
THANK YOU for sharing your story with us, Hayley! You truly are Fabulous!
If anything Hayley wrote resonates with you, fabulous one, please tell her about it in the comments.
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Featured Photo: Created by me, using Canva