I love pumpkins. It does not matter the shape, size, or color. It could be a little lopsided, short and squatty, tall and slender, have a stumpy stem or a long curly one. It truly does not matter to me. If it’s a pumpkin, I think it’s awesome. Even though none are perfect, all are beautiful.
I tried to recall when my love of pumpkins began. I haven’t always found them so amazing and only started my collection as an adult. I remembered a saying that used to hang on my inspirational bulletin board when I was a teacher…
“Christians are like jack-o-lanterns. God washes off all the dirt on the outside and takes out all the yucky seeds on the inside. Then, He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all to see.”
And I realized that the infertility journey can be described this way, too…
The Seeds of Infertility
Anyone who has gone through an infertility battle (or knows someone who has) is acutely aware that the journey is dirty. And the seeds of infertility… Well, they are the yuckiest seeds of all.
The Seeds of Infertility include:
- A Lack of Purpose
- A Lack of Direction
Getting Rid of the Seeds of Infertility
So, how is any of this a “good thing?” Well, the hope is that as we travel this journey of infertility, we will get rid of all these yucky seeds…
The seeds of doubt and fear get tossed aside as we just let our life be. We don’t necessarily have to “let go” of our dreams of a child. But we begin to just be whatever it is we are meant to be, which may indeed be childless. We stop fighting. Just be…
The seeds of hopelessness are discarded with every step forward, moving towards Plan B and an acceptance of what is. This brings a new sense of purpose and direction to our lives.
The seeds of grief are some of the hardest to throw out. They are so tangled within that we often think we have gotten them all only to find one, hidden away in a dark corner that we somehow missed. But even these stubborn seeds of grief get smaller and smaller until we finally feel the dirt of infertility has washed away…
And that’s when we get our “new smiling face.” We find our “patch,” our group, so that even the seeds of isolation are now gone.
None are perfect. All are beautiful.
Like pumpkins, each journey is different. Some are longer than others, some have so many twists and turns that we are sure we will never find the light, and others have a path that seems straight but never ending…
But the journey is part of the beauty. And our light shines so much brighter because we know what the darkness feels like.
So, as you see pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns this holiday season, do not let them make you sad… Just be.
If you are at the point of acceptance, shine brightly and give hope to those still searching. And if you are still struggling, have faith that those yucky seeds will be gone someday and you, too, will have a new smiling face.
Even though none are perfect, all are beautiful…
I love you, fellow pumpkin.