Forgive and forget. It’s the right thing to do, yes? The “Christian thing.” After all, that’s how we get into Heaven. God not only forgives our sins, but He forgets them, as well.
My mom is great at this. She forgives fully, moving forward in love, seeing the best in the person, and offering the benefit of the doubt.
My dad, on the other hand, wasn’t. He held a grudge and could recount your faults as if they just happened yesterday.
Unfortunately, I am more like my dad with regards to this. Although I try to forgive like my mom, I’m terrible about holding a grudge like my dad. The forgetting… That is the problem.
So, when someone who had hurt me deeply requested my forgiveness… Well, my first reaction was to put up a wall, remembering the awful words that were spewed at me. How could I possibly forget those words? It took a lot of courage for me to cut toxic people from my life. How could I open my heart and be vulnerable with this person again?
And then, I wondered… Does forgive and forget mean I have to have a relationship with this person? Can I truly forgive and yet still protect myself by avoiding future interactions?
And then, I thought, that’s certainly not what Christ does. The entire reason for His forgiveness is so we can have an eternal relationship with Him.
Crap. That’s really not what I want to hear right now.
My life, the acceptance of my childlessness, the redefining of momhood, the creation of my non-traditional family… This has been so much work. And I want to avoid the wobbles, the doubts, the negative thoughts that linger just below the surface…
And this person—forgiving this person—makes me vulnerable. And I just don’t know if I want that. Because it’s scary.
So, forgive and forget… Well, I’m not so good at that.
For now, I’ll try to forgive from afar. I’m not ready to forget. Honestly, I don’t feel like I can. I have to protect myself—my heart, my emotions, my balance…
Maybe I’ll be able to forgive more fully in the future. But forget? Truly, I’m not so good at that.
Any advice, fabulous ones? Have you ever allowed someone who hurt you with regards to your childlessness back into your life? How did it work out?
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