As told to Brandi Lytle
Fiona is a fellow childless not by choice warrior and blogger. I was honored when I found her story in my email, grateful that she wanted to share with the Not So Mommy… community. So, let me turn it over to Fiona…
How did you become childless not by choice?
I simply ran out of time. I had a miscarriage when I was 17 years old and that was the only time that I was ever pregnant.
I spent the next few years partying and by the time I was ready to settle down with someone, I was no longer able to recognize what a decent man looked like. I kept hoping to meet someone and kept expecting to be a mother, but it never happened.
I got married at 41, and we attempted IVF, but it didn’t work for us. Because my husband had a previous criminal history, we were not able to foster children and adoption was very unlikely to happen.
You are so much more than childless not by choice. Tell us about yourself!
Well…I’m the weird one in the family, and I’m perfectly happy with that! I live in a small seaside village in New Zealand with my husband, furbabies, and various ghosties.
I’m a freelance writer. I write for a couple of content writing and marketing agencies, for personal clients, and for my own two blogs. I’m also writing a non-fiction book about my CNBC journey and a Vampire novel that’s also really about childless women. And yes, I am aware of how weird that sounds.
I’m also a mentor and guide for women who are childless by circumstance. I’ve developed an online program that helps women who are childless to find other loves and passions.
I’m a mental health warrior and advocate, and I hold a bachelor’s degree in Psychology.
In some circles, I’m known as Countess Drusilla Steele. She’s the part of me that I channel when I’m finding life a bit too tough to manage. She’s outspoken but thoughtful, blunt but not cruel, and she may or may not be a vampire.
What roles are you redefining for yourself? and How are you redefining those roles?
I’m a Wordcaster! That’s a person who creates word spells! And I created a new word: Valtie!
A Valtie is a valued, Valkyrie, Auntie. I wanted a word that could describe women in my situation without using “less.” I know that the word “childless” accurately describes our situation, but it also implies that we are “less than” because we don’t have children.
I believe that women who are childless not by choice have a unique skill set and perspective on the world. We have a lot of opinions, experiences, and tolerance for other lifestyles, that the world desperately needs to know about.
I believe that, when we’re ready, it’s our responsibility to tell our stories, so that society’s ideas change and that the next generations of Valties don’t have to go through the stigma that we have.
How are you Creating a New plan Bravely and Courageously?
By telling my story and honoring my life by celebrating it. By accepting that some days are just going to suck, and by allowing myself to “feel” those days without wallowing in them.
By doing what I can to change society’s opinions of childless women, whether by choice, not by choice, or by circumstance.
By sharing all that my experience has taught me.
Have you figured out your Plan B? If so, what is it?!
My books, both fiction and non-fiction, will give me a legacy to leave behind. They’re something of me that will live on after I’m gone. They prove that I was here when there’s no one left to remember me.
I get a lot of comfort from my spirituality, even though it’s not what some would call “traditional.” I try to take care of my own mental health, which sometimes means avoiding situations or events that I know will be painful for me.
My plan B is telling my story, my way, and living the best life I can with a new passion and purpose.
Thank you for sharing your story, Fiona! I love that you embrace your uniqueness and unashamedly declare your truth!
Fabulous ones, if anything Fiona wrote resonates with you, tell her about it in the comments.
And if you’d like to check out Countess Drusilla Steele’s childless blog, click here…
Want to inspire others and share your CNBC Story? Click here to find out how…
To those who are childless due to infertility, would you please take a short, confidential survey, sharing your experiences (both positive and negative) with infertility clinics? For more information and to find the link to the survey, click here…
Featured Photo: Anton Atanasov of StockSnap.io