I want to break up. And it’s most definitely you, not me. I do not like you. I do not understand why you insist on hanging out with me. Haven’t you noticed that I try to ditch you all the time? I hang out with other people. I never invite you. Even though you insist on showing up, I always ignore you. I hate you. You are annoying!
We want different things, Infertility. And selfishly, you are not allowing me to have other relationships. You are breaking my heart. I don’t understand why you won’t just leave. You’ve seen me sobbing. You’ve heard me begging to be released, to be set free. And for a moment, you are silent and I think I can finally breathe….
But then, you show up. Again. And the anger and hurt and bitterness consume me. Again. Please, go! Please, just leave!
But you won’t. You are always there. Even when you are quiet, you are still there. And I’ve come to accept that. I’ve come to accept you….
Now, don’t think that we are going to be best friends. I still find you annoying at best. I still do not like you. But I don’t hate you anymore either. You are a part of my life.
So, I won’t ignore you anymore. I’ll even introduce you to others. You and Endometriosis should get along wonderfully. You’re both kind-of a pain!
Actually, I want to thank you for forcing me to accept your place in my life. You kept pushing your way in, knowing that once I accepted you, I would finally be free. You couldn’t leave. It was not a choice. But you could keep showing up, reminding me of our tenuous relationship and allowing me the time to simply accept it.
I hope you’ll understand that I have to spend more time with Dog Mom, Aunt, Host Mom, and Wife. We have fun and they make me happy. But I won’t ignore you and I’ll introduce you to the world. I truly am who I am because of you, Infertility. You made me “Not So Mommy…”
So, thanks, I guess.
World Childless Week – Sept 11-17, 2017
Recently, an announcement for World Childless Week came across my newsfeed. Being an infertile woman, I want to connect with other people who understand what it feels like to be childless. Because WCW’s goal is to increase awareness and understanding about childless not by choice, I liked their page in order to become a part of the WCW community. When Stephanie Phillips, the woman who started the WCW movement, asked me to write a guest blog for World Childless Week, I eagerly accepted. My hope with Not So Mommy…™ is to inspire others to be their authentic selves by telling my infertility story. WCW has a similar goal and I am so excited to be a part of this group! Please, check out their Facebook page at World Childless Week and join the childless not by choice conversation!