14 January 2017
I cannot believe that our daughter turns 19 years old today. What is even more incredible is that she only came into our lives a little over two short years ago.
But perhaps we should start at the beginning. The very beginning…….
I vividly remember my husband and my deciding to start trying to have a baby. We were one month shy of our three year anniversary and I would graduate with my Master’s Degree the following month. We owned our home and knew exactly which room would be the nursery. It seemed like the perfect time to grow our family. We were ecstatic. “Next year, we could have a baby at Christmas!”
We decided to keep our plan a secret. We didn’t want pressure from family and thought it would be fun to announce our pregnancy rather than just our trying……
But after 6 months, I couldn’t wait any longer. Dane said it was okay to tell people. So, on one of our “girls’ days,” I excitedly told my mom, Nana, & Mamaw our news. It became even more real after I shared our secret and I could not wait to be pregnant!
But month after month after month, nothing happened. Finally, after two years of trying (and even using a fertility monitor), we decided to see a specialist. And after tests and surgery and vitamins and four rounds of IUI and more tests, we got the news—you suffer from severe infertility. It has been over 11 years since we sat in that doctor’s office and heard those words and still, tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write these words.
It is difficult to explain the devastation. I know the doctor said more after that dreadful diagnosis, but all I can really remember is a deep pain in my heart, a fog in my mind, and the world going into slow motion as my husband and I reached for one another. When we got to the car, we clung to each another, crying, and Dane kept saying “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I can’t remember when we went back to the doctor or how long it took us to start considering other ways to have a baby. But that day was the day our path changed. It was the beginning of a very long, very difficult journey……